How To Stay Calm When You're Anxious About Coronavirus (or anything else!)

These are uncertain and anxious times. It's no surprise that lots of folks are stress eating, binge eating, or using bulimia or restricting as a way to manage the anxiety of living through a global pandemic.

This is a scary time and we're all vulnerable. That's why I'm so pleased to share this guest post by Dr. Bob Rich, psychologist and author of 18 books. This excerpt from his latest book helps us feel calmer during a time of global anxiety.

Using his guided imagery techniques, you'll soon be feeling more relaxed and less anxious...

The following is an excerpt from Dr. Bob's book, From Depression to Contentment: A self-therapy guide:

Guided Imagery

One way of putting peace into your heart is by going on a little inner journey. Tell yourself a story, and live it within your imagination, as vividly as possible. 

Actually, this is the technique of hypnosis, so, good guided imagery is self-hypnosis. This technique takes you into a trance state, which is nothing mysterious. 

If you’ve ever felt as if no time had passed, but you’ve done something like reading a good book, driving from A to B, or doing the ironing, then you’ve been in a trance state.

Guided imagery can have up to six components, but it isn’t necessary to use all six.

Relaxation

Here is a relaxation script. Close your eyes, and imagine a source of Healing Light out in space. This can be almost anything: 

God, an angel, your long-dead, beloved grandmother, a glowing planet, or an entire galaxy. 

One client imagined it as the dog of her childhood, whose name had been Angel.

Invite this healing light to shine on top of your head. Feel it gently tingling its way in; relaxing, soothing.

Extend the area of healing light down so it’s like a cap over forehead, ears, back of the head.

Now it’s over your closed eyes, soothing, healing. Down your cheeks, over your mouth and jaw. Down to your neck, relaxing the strong muscles that carry the head.

Feel the beautiful healing light trickle into your shoulders, relaxing, soothing, smoothing, so your arms get heavy. Now into your upper arms on both sides... lower arms... all the way to your fingertips.

Next the upper body: chest, back, heart, lungs. Feel them glow.

The lower body: stomach muscles, lower back, all those wonderful organs within, glowing.

Then your buttocks... upper legs... lower legs... all the way to the tips of your toes.

Top to toe, glowing, healing, beautiful within.

Induction

This is a scene, vividly described using all the sense modalities, in which there is movement and progression. 

The script may invite you to walk in a valley between forested mountains, with a creek chattering on your left and grazing animals on your right, along a path to a waterfall. 

The path leads you behind the falling water, onto a stone ledge. Stone above your head, stone below your feet, stone at your back, the curtain of falling water in front. 

Water is the universal cleanser: it cleans away all hurt and pain. It is the universal solvent: dissolves all stress and trouble.

Or go down an elevator from the fiftieth floor, watching the numbers above the door going from 50 to 1 to ‘ground.’ 

A gentle downhill walk along a forest path is great.

People who have physical handicaps do best with a script in which they can stay still. A great one is to sit comfortably in the back of a rowboat. The person you trust most in all the world is behind you, out of sight but felt. This person is gently, slowly rowing. All your pain, suffering, worries are on the shore.

You can devise your own scripts, or check out my Healing Scripts CD at http://bobswriting.com/psych/heal.html

Safe place

This is somewhere you can feel absolutely the best. It can be a real place you love, or something made up in your imagination. 

Typical choices are a tropical beach, a mountain top, a comfortable seat by a waterfall, looking at a flower-covered cottage, being inside your childhood bedroom. You can remember, or construct, any environment you like.

But you don’t have to stick with realism. Especially if your body is not a nice place to be in because of pain, you can become someone or something else. Three of my favorites are:

*Being a trout in a rock pool, gently waving my fins so I stay motionless relative to the shore, my muscular, beautiful, shining body gently undulating, perfect for my world and my world perfect for me in the cool, crystal clear water, with the silver roof of the surface above me...

* Being an eagle.

My mighty wings are spread wide, motionless as I lazily circle in a thermal updraft, far above all the pain and worry down there on the ground. I can feel my clawed feet hidden within the feathers of my body, my spread tail steering me, the calm gaze of my powerful eyes scanning the ground far below. The wind is gently ruffling my feathers.

* Being a tree. This is similarly detailed. You can take perhaps ten minutes of creation, starting from the taproots and going up to the leaves. Once it’s complete, you can instantly return to it.

One middle-aged lady liked to sit on a fluff of a cloud. 

A man chose to look at a poster of a waterfall in Tasmania, then step through it so he could look at the falling water, hear the roar, feel the spray on his face. 

You can be in a rocking chair, with a toddler you love (who is perhaps an objectionable teenager now!) quietly playing at your feet.

Tie your safe place to feelings of serenity, safety, comfort, strength, power, self-control... whatever personal qualities will help you to cope with your current situation. 

I always make the suggestion that you will be able to access the safe place when out of the trance, at any time, while doing any other task. This is quite possible. 

You can be in the middle of a painful medical procedure, having an argument with someone, being cross-examined by a hostile barrister in court, or doing a complicated job, and at the same time feel yourself in the safe place, drawing strength and peace from it.

Work

You enter trance for a reason. This could be pain control, healing some illness or injury, dealing with distressing memories, or merely stress reduction.

Return

Take time when emerging from a trance, especially a deep one. If for any reason a trance is interrupted, you can develop a headache, be disoriented, and be affected by suggestions made but not cancelled. In that case, you need to return into the trance, and come out slowly.

When using guided imagery with a person, my invariable script is to slowly count backward from 5. At each count, I draw the subject’s attention to some aspect of the situation: the feel of the chair against the body, breathing, the sounds around, etc.

You can record your total script, then play it for yourself, or just go through the concepts in your mind. The exact words are irrelevnt.

Enjoy!

Dr. Bob Rich

Bob Rich, Ph.D. earned his doctorate in psychology in 1972. He worked as an academic, researcher and applied scientist until "retiring" the first time at 36 years of age. Later, he returned to psychology and qualified as a Counseling Psychologist, running a private practice for over 20 years. During this time, he was on the national executive of the College of Counselling Psychologists of the Australian Psychological Society (APS), then spent three years as a Director of the APS. He was the therapist referrers sent their most difficult cases to. Bob retired in 2013, but still does pro bono counseling over the internet. This has given him hundreds of "children" and "grand-children" he has never met, because many of these people stay in touch for years. His major joy in life is to be of benefit to others, which is why he wrote a book that's in effect a course of therapy. You can find out lots about Dr. Bob Rich at his blog, Bobbing Around https://bobrich18.wordpress.com 

Rethink the coronavirus (a different take)

I want to quickly check in and give you a different take on the coronavirus…

(Something almost nobody is talking about)

By now, the virus is “getting worse” by the day and spreading throughout the globe.

I have no idea what’s going to happen next.  Almost nobody does.

But all this uncertainty can cause a lot of anxiety and panic…

And when you see empty grocery stores…

Schools shutting down…

People being advised to stay inside…

It’s hard not to feel like an epidemic is upon us.

So if you’re feeling worried about all this, here’s what you can do:

Stay with “What IS” (instead of “What IF”)

“What if” refers to fear about the future.

What if this gets worse?
What if I get the coronavirus?
What if I can’t pay my bills?

When you have here-and-now emotions about future events, you get anxious and fearful about something that may or may not happen.

And all this leads to binge eating or overeating…

We do it to soothe, find comfort, or distract us from what’s going on.

But it’s better to think about the “What is” instead.

It focuses on reality. 

What is known and real.

When you are grounded in what’s actually happening, or what you know to be true, you are less likely to feel anxious, worried, or upset. 

Ask yourself:

What do I know to be true in this moment?

And keep your mind focused on what is actually happening, not what might happen.

Now that we’ve shifted our thinking, what can we actually do in this situation?

1. Take necessary precautions: Self-quarantine as much as possible so you avoid spreading the virus to people who are vulnerable (some are more likely to catch the virus than others).

2. Be more hygienic than you’re normally are: Wash your hands frequently with warm water and soap for at least 20 seconds. Avoid touching your face (including your eyes, nose, and mouth). Use hand sanitizer if available, I’ve seen it sold out in many places.

3. Make a plan: It’s only helpful to think about what might happen in the future when you make a plan. Otherwise, you’re only causing unnecessary stress on yourself. If the world feels scary and unpredictable, having a specific plan gives a great sense of calmness and control.

4. Create a strategy for yourself and/or your family: Think about how you will get through the next few weeks. Which urgent care or hospital do you go to if somebody starts developing symptoms?

5. Stockpile: Fill up your fridge and pantry with enough food staples to last a few weeks. And make sure you have at least a 30-day supply of medications, pain relievers, cold medicines, and anything else you may need (soap, toilet paper, toothpaste, etc.).

Benjamin Franklin said: “By failing to prepare, you are preparing to fail.”Luckily the reverse is also true. By preparing ourselves, we will succeed.

6. Reach out to others: Nobody is immune from the impact of this virus. Both physically and mentally. If the current state of the world is making you worried, it’s never wrong to reach and for support and comfort. It’s an important part of dealing with anxiety in times of uncertainty. Don’t be afraid to call your loved ones and tell them you love them. It’ll make you feel better. I promise.

So those are a few steps you can take to better handle all the crazy stuff going on in the world right now.

I really hope this helps. Feel free to let me know by dropping a comment below.

Just remember – you’re never alone. 

If you’d like extra support, whether it’s about the coronavirus, binge eating, body image issues, or anything else – feel free to connect with me and all the other strong people in our private community.

Here’s the link to the free Facebook group:

https://www.facebook.com/groups/drninainc/

We will get through these challenging times together.

Hugs,

Dr. Nina

New Year, New You

Are you making New Years resolutions this year?   Lots of us intend to start making changes, such as losing weight or going to the gym more often.

We also set intentions to stop behaviors such as bingeing or making unhealthy food choices.

Somewhere along the line our resolve fizzles and, boom - we're back to where we started.  If this sounds familiar, here are some tips to make 2017 different:

#1 - Stop Trying So Hard.

Resolutions are often phrased in terms of “trying” to make changes.  I’m going to try to lose weight.  I’m going to try to be healthier. 

Keep in mind there is no trying; there is either doing or not doing (thank you, Yoda!).

If you’re trying (and failing) at your attempts to change, there is always a reason.  Here are a few common fears that are associated with trying and failing:

Fear Of Disappointment: You imagine that by changing your body, you will change your life. But, what if it doesn’t?  What if everything in your life stays exactly the same?  Maybe that’s too much to risk, so you never allow yourself to get to the point where you will be disappointed.

Fear Of Impulsivity:  You worry that if you lose weight, you will be impulsive – i.e., leave your husband or wife, or take risks at work  If so, coming to terms with such fears is a crucial step towards change.

Fear Of Objectification: You  have negative associations to intimacy or fear being seen as a "thing" instead of a person.  This is so scary that you never allow yourself to feel good about your body.

Instead of trying to lose weight, examine the underlying conflicts that prevent you from taking the best possible care of your body.

#2 - Make A Different Kind of Resolution

New Years Resolutions are often only about behaviors.   I suggest we make resolutions to shift our relationship to ourselves and change our attitudes.

• Resolve to be kinder to yourself
• Resolve to listen to your inner voice
• Resolve to prioritize your needs and wants
• Resolve to be curious, instead of critical

Resolve to stop the negative self-talk and start being supportive of yourself.   Make a list of the ways you wish other people would be towards you, such as responsive, open, supportive, and kind.  Then, be that way towards yourself.

Here's a handy little reminder for you to download and/or memorize:

New!!  Read my new book, "Food For Thought: Perspectives on Eating Disorders" (an Amazon bestseller!):  Click>>>amazon.com/author/drnina

Think People Are Judging You? Here's What To Do...

When you walk into a room filled with strangers, what are your initial thoughts?

Do you think the best?   All these people are interested in me and can't wait to meet me!

Or the worst?   Everyone thinks I'm fat... boring... stupid.

Sometimes these judgmental thoughts are automatic, as in the following examples:

• Alyssa sat on the couch in my office, telling me about her weekend "stay-cation" of watching movies at home.   As I listened,  she suddenly stopped talking and sighed, saying, "You're right, I should have done some work this weekend.  I can't believe how lazy I am."
•  Corinne wept in frustration as she described a recent problem at work.  She blew her nose and shook her head, apologetically.  "You probably think I'm such a crybaby."
• My friend Bettina and I had dinner recently, and she ordered dessert.  She gave me a sheepish look.  "I know what you're thinking.  I have no business eating tiramisu.

They thought they knew what I was thinking.   They were wrong!

Each of these people  projected her own critical thoughts about themselves onto me.   Why?  

Alyssa's father was a workaholic and accused her of being a slacker.  She thought I was viewing her through her father's eyes. 

Corinne grew up in a family that did not tolerate emotions or tears, which were viewed as signs of weakness.  She imagined that I was viewing her tears contemptuously. 

Bettina's mother constantly monitored her weight, and Bettina thought I was doing so, too.

Those fears can make you want to isolate from other people, leaving you vulnerable to using food in any one of the following ways:   to ofill an emptiness, to be a friend, for comfort, numbness, and escape.  

Here's some "food for thought" to consider:

What do you think others are thinking about you?   Are they critical?  Kind?  Indifferent?  Angry?

Who viewed you that way in the past?   How are those thoughts familiar?

What is another way to view yourself and the situation?  What would you say to someone else in your position?   

 Here's what I was ACTUALLY thinking, by the way, about Alyssa, Corinne and Bettina:

It's important to relax over the weekend and recharge your batteries.

It's healthy to cry if you're upset.

It's okay to eat dessert, or anything, in moderation

Don't be a mind reader! ('cause you're probably not really psychic!)

When you think the worst, you feel terrible, and may eat to cope.  

When you believe others are interested in you, you feel less anxious/upset/guarded and are therefore less likely to turn to food.

That's how you make peace with food!

*          *          *

https://winthedietwar.com/kick-the-diet-habit-now/

How To Get Rid Of Feelings

Ever wish you could just be DONE with painful, difficult, upsetting emotions?

You can't eat them away, starve them away, purge them, let them go or ignore them.  There's only one way to get rid of feelings.  WATCH NOW to and find our how!

*     *     *     

https://winthedietwar.com/kick-the-diet-habit-now/

How your relationships affect your weight

Originally published on Walden Behavioral Health:

Starving For Love

People who struggle with compulsive eating or bingeing often ask why they eat when they’re upset.  One woman lamented, “Why can’t I just work out or do crossword puzzles when I’m upset?  Why is it always doughnuts that I turn to for comfort?”

An excellent question.  Why food?

Our first experience of love is being fed as a newborn. If you watch a parent feeding a baby, you usually see a safe, warm connection between them. For babies, being held in loving arms, feeling loved, feeling safe, is bound up with the experience of feeding.  For babies, food is love, food is connection, food is comfort and ultimately, food and relationship are felt as one.

Babies grow up to be adults who naturally hope to love and be loved.  If that love is not readily available, or isn’t consistent, it can be humiliating.  It’s painful to want something you can’t have, or something that is not immediately available.

If you’re lonely, you may not have someone immediately available to keep you company. When you lack a fulfilling relationship, you may eat to symbolically fill the internal emptiness and the loneliness.

Even if someone is there, they may not respond the way you want, or may disappoint you, hurt you, or just not be there for you consistently or in the way you’d wish.

The reality is that people can sometimes be unpredictable, unavailable or unreliable.  When relationships become unsafe, it is common to turn to food, which on a deep level represents not just comfort, but the experience of being comforted by another person.

Even if you’re in a relationship, and have a partner, spouse or family, you might find food easier than people.  Lots of people have meals with their husbands, wives, partners or families, and then wait for everyone to go to bed so that they can sneak into the kitchen and eat in secret.

This behavior with food is connected to the ideas, thoughts, fears and perceptions about relationships.   Recognizing your relationship style, or attachment style, can help you better understand what’s going on with food.  And when you understand something, it’s easier to challenge and change your behavior.

There are four basic relationship/attachment styles in adults:

1) Secure attachment: “Relationships feel safe and secure. I know I am loved and lovable.”

2) Anxious-preoccupied attachment: “Stay close, because if I let you go, you’ll leave me” view of connection.

3) Dismissive-avoidant attachment: “I don’t need to be close, I don’t want to be close, so I’ll keep my distance.”

4) Fearful-avoidant attachment, “I desperately want connection, but if I get it, I will lose interest.”

Securely attached people are comfortable with intimacy.  They tend to have positive views of themselves and others, and trust that closeness with another person can be a warm, positive, and mutually satisfying experience.  They are less likely to develop problems with food.
People who feel safe and secure are not “starving for love” because they trust that connections to other people can be loving, positive, and fulfilling.  Because they feel satisfied in this area of their lives, they don’t use food as a substitute for love. In contrast:

Anxious-Preoccupied people find it difficult to trust that those they love or care about will be consistently available.   They don’t like separation and are afraid that “out of sight” leads to “out of mind.”   They often seek reassurance that their partner is still there for them.

If this sounds familiar, you may be “hungry” for love but turn to food instead, because you may be afraid you’ll never get enough, never be satisfied in your relationships, or that if you allow yourself to connect, you’ll eventually lose that love.

Even if you are in a relationship, you might feel as if you can never get enough of your boyfriend, girlfriend, husband, wife or significant other.

You may sometimes worry that you’re “too much” for the other person or worry that they’ll pull away or leave you.  If that’s the case, you might live in a state of constant anxiety about your relationship and use food for comfort.

Dismissive-Avoidant people keep their distance and are uncomfortable with closeness.  They prize independence, telling themselves and others that they don’t need anyone else to be happy.

Underlying this outward disinterest in relationships is the fear that intimacy will lead to rejection, pain or loss of self.  On some level, the belief is that “if you don’t get too close, you won’t get hurt.”

If you turn away from people, you may be left feeling too disconnected or lonely, which leaves you vulnerable to using food to fill the void.

Fearful-avoidant adults are in a bind; they simultaneously wish for closeness, yet fear intimacy.  They often yearn for someone who is unavailable, and pursue that person, think about the person all the time.  If the object of their affection returns their feelings, they often lose interest, finding distance safer – until the pattern repeats.

Do you find yourself falling for someone who’s already in a relationship with someone else?  Someone who lives too far away to see on a regular basis?  Or maybe the person you’re with is a workaholic or has hobbies that take up a lot of time so they don’t have time for you.

If this is familiar, you may be comfortable with the idea of love but terrified of what will happen if you allow yourself to truly bond and connect with another person.  You might be afraid you’ll lose yourself in a relationship.  You might be afraid you’ll be powerless in a relationship.

Bingeing is a symbolic way to fill up on food as a replacement for love, an unconscious substitute for the love and fulfillment that comes from loving and being loved by someone else.

Here are some things to consider:

Are you more comfortable with distance, or closeness?

What are your hopes and fears about intimacy?

Where did you learn to mistrust relationships?

How did your parents and others respond to your needs?

How do you respond to your own needs, wishes, and emotions?

It is important to identify and process the ideas that negatively impact your relationships and leave you hungry for love and connection.

When you can meet your underlying need for love, for attention, for connection, you won’t need food to express those needs and wants, or to distract from them.    You will be less likely to fill up on food when you’re in fulfilling relationships with other people.

https://winthedietwar.com/kick-the-diet-habit-now/

How To Calm Down

Do you eat when you’re stressed? In this episode, Dr. Nina teaches you four ways to relax your body and your mind. When you’re relaxed, you’re less likely to use food to calm down.

Check out this episode!


Here are some of the techniques that Dr. Nina discusses in the podcast episode.  For more details, listen to the episode. 

HOW TO CALM DOWN 

“I know it’s important to identify and process my feelings so that when I'm upset I don't turn to (or from) food.  Sometimes I’m too stressed out to deal with what’s going on inside.  What else can I do when I feel that way?”

Sound familiar?  If so, you may be accustomed to using disordered eating to numb, distract or comfort yourself and don’t know how else to calm down.   

Here are some ways to alleviate stress and anxiety by calming your body, centering your mind and stopping the escalation of stress.

Progressive Muscle Relaxation Exercise:  First, tighten your legs, then your stomach, and next your arms.  Make fists and keep your muscles really, really tight.  HOLD that tension as long as possible, a minimum of fifteen seconds but ideally as long as possible.  Then release. 

Feel that?  You’re probably feeling more relaxed.. The idea of this exercise is that without muscle tension, you can’t access muscle release.  When your body is relaxed, your mind will follow. 

The Four Senses Exercise:  As you know, we have five senses, but if you turn to food when you’re stressed, you’re familiar with the sense of taste and probably use taste – food – as the primary way you self-soothe.  The Four Senses exercise puts you in touch with the other four senses and helps you center yourself.

Wherever you are, look around and say one thing that you can:

Touch:_________________________________________________________________

See:____________________________________________________________________

Hear:___________________________________________________________________

Smell:__________________________________________________________________

Visualization. There are two ways to use visualization:  the first is to imagine a happy place where you feel safe and calm; the second is to think about something you’re afraid of, and imagine a positive outcome.  Keep in mind those four senses

Visualization #1: Visualize a place where you feel happy.  Where are you?  Who else is there?  Don’t limit yourself to reality; you can go anywhere your mind takes you.  In your imagination, what are you touching, seeing, hearing, and smelling?

Visualization #2:  Imagine a situation that makes you nervous, thinking about the best outcome possible.  Again, use the four senses to bring this to life.  What upcoming situation is causing you anxiety?  Whether it’s a job interview, a personal challenge, a blind date or anything else, imagine the very best outcome, visualizing and imaging the four senses.

Using these methods to calm down, along with learning to identify and process painful, difficult and upsetting emotions, will help you comfort yourself and find peace with words, instead of with restricting, bingeing and purging, or bingeing.  

When you are calm, you don't need food to cope.  And that's how you make peace with food!

https://winthedietwar.com/kick-the-diet-habit-now/