How To Stay Calm When You're Anxious About Coronavirus (or anything else!)

These are uncertain and anxious times. It's no surprise that lots of folks are stress eating, binge eating, or using bulimia or restricting as a way to manage the anxiety of living through a global pandemic.

This is a scary time and we're all vulnerable. That's why I'm so pleased to share this guest post by Dr. Bob Rich, psychologist and author of 18 books. This excerpt from his latest book helps us feel calmer during a time of global anxiety.

Using his guided imagery techniques, you'll soon be feeling more relaxed and less anxious...

The following is an excerpt from Dr. Bob's book, From Depression to Contentment: A self-therapy guide:

Guided Imagery

One way of putting peace into your heart is by going on a little inner journey. Tell yourself a story, and live it within your imagination, as vividly as possible. 

Actually, this is the technique of hypnosis, so, good guided imagery is self-hypnosis. This technique takes you into a trance state, which is nothing mysterious. 

If you’ve ever felt as if no time had passed, but you’ve done something like reading a good book, driving from A to B, or doing the ironing, then you’ve been in a trance state.

Guided imagery can have up to six components, but it isn’t necessary to use all six.

Relaxation

Here is a relaxation script. Close your eyes, and imagine a source of Healing Light out in space. This can be almost anything: 

God, an angel, your long-dead, beloved grandmother, a glowing planet, or an entire galaxy. 

One client imagined it as the dog of her childhood, whose name had been Angel.

Invite this healing light to shine on top of your head. Feel it gently tingling its way in; relaxing, soothing.

Extend the area of healing light down so it’s like a cap over forehead, ears, back of the head.

Now it’s over your closed eyes, soothing, healing. Down your cheeks, over your mouth and jaw. Down to your neck, relaxing the strong muscles that carry the head.

Feel the beautiful healing light trickle into your shoulders, relaxing, soothing, smoothing, so your arms get heavy. Now into your upper arms on both sides... lower arms... all the way to your fingertips.

Next the upper body: chest, back, heart, lungs. Feel them glow.

The lower body: stomach muscles, lower back, all those wonderful organs within, glowing.

Then your buttocks... upper legs... lower legs... all the way to the tips of your toes.

Top to toe, glowing, healing, beautiful within.

Induction

This is a scene, vividly described using all the sense modalities, in which there is movement and progression. 

The script may invite you to walk in a valley between forested mountains, with a creek chattering on your left and grazing animals on your right, along a path to a waterfall. 

The path leads you behind the falling water, onto a stone ledge. Stone above your head, stone below your feet, stone at your back, the curtain of falling water in front. 

Water is the universal cleanser: it cleans away all hurt and pain. It is the universal solvent: dissolves all stress and trouble.

Or go down an elevator from the fiftieth floor, watching the numbers above the door going from 50 to 1 to ‘ground.’ 

A gentle downhill walk along a forest path is great.

People who have physical handicaps do best with a script in which they can stay still. A great one is to sit comfortably in the back of a rowboat. The person you trust most in all the world is behind you, out of sight but felt. This person is gently, slowly rowing. All your pain, suffering, worries are on the shore.

You can devise your own scripts, or check out my Healing Scripts CD at http://bobswriting.com/psych/heal.html

Safe place

This is somewhere you can feel absolutely the best. It can be a real place you love, or something made up in your imagination. 

Typical choices are a tropical beach, a mountain top, a comfortable seat by a waterfall, looking at a flower-covered cottage, being inside your childhood bedroom. You can remember, or construct, any environment you like.

But you don’t have to stick with realism. Especially if your body is not a nice place to be in because of pain, you can become someone or something else. Three of my favorites are:

*Being a trout in a rock pool, gently waving my fins so I stay motionless relative to the shore, my muscular, beautiful, shining body gently undulating, perfect for my world and my world perfect for me in the cool, crystal clear water, with the silver roof of the surface above me...

* Being an eagle.

My mighty wings are spread wide, motionless as I lazily circle in a thermal updraft, far above all the pain and worry down there on the ground. I can feel my clawed feet hidden within the feathers of my body, my spread tail steering me, the calm gaze of my powerful eyes scanning the ground far below. The wind is gently ruffling my feathers.

* Being a tree. This is similarly detailed. You can take perhaps ten minutes of creation, starting from the taproots and going up to the leaves. Once it’s complete, you can instantly return to it.

One middle-aged lady liked to sit on a fluff of a cloud. 

A man chose to look at a poster of a waterfall in Tasmania, then step through it so he could look at the falling water, hear the roar, feel the spray on his face. 

You can be in a rocking chair, with a toddler you love (who is perhaps an objectionable teenager now!) quietly playing at your feet.

Tie your safe place to feelings of serenity, safety, comfort, strength, power, self-control... whatever personal qualities will help you to cope with your current situation. 

I always make the suggestion that you will be able to access the safe place when out of the trance, at any time, while doing any other task. This is quite possible. 

You can be in the middle of a painful medical procedure, having an argument with someone, being cross-examined by a hostile barrister in court, or doing a complicated job, and at the same time feel yourself in the safe place, drawing strength and peace from it.

Work

You enter trance for a reason. This could be pain control, healing some illness or injury, dealing with distressing memories, or merely stress reduction.

Return

Take time when emerging from a trance, especially a deep one. If for any reason a trance is interrupted, you can develop a headache, be disoriented, and be affected by suggestions made but not cancelled. In that case, you need to return into the trance, and come out slowly.

When using guided imagery with a person, my invariable script is to slowly count backward from 5. At each count, I draw the subject’s attention to some aspect of the situation: the feel of the chair against the body, breathing, the sounds around, etc.

You can record your total script, then play it for yourself, or just go through the concepts in your mind. The exact words are irrelevnt.

Enjoy!

Dr. Bob Rich

Bob Rich, Ph.D. earned his doctorate in psychology in 1972. He worked as an academic, researcher and applied scientist until "retiring" the first time at 36 years of age. Later, he returned to psychology and qualified as a Counseling Psychologist, running a private practice for over 20 years. During this time, he was on the national executive of the College of Counselling Psychologists of the Australian Psychological Society (APS), then spent three years as a Director of the APS. He was the therapist referrers sent their most difficult cases to. Bob retired in 2013, but still does pro bono counseling over the internet. This has given him hundreds of "children" and "grand-children" he has never met, because many of these people stay in touch for years. His major joy in life is to be of benefit to others, which is why he wrote a book that's in effect a course of therapy. You can find out lots about Dr. Bob Rich at his blog, Bobbing Around https://bobrich18.wordpress.com 

How To Stop A Binge In 25 Seconds Or Less

Binges happen.  When they do, there is always a reason.  If you're turning "to" food, you're turning "away" from something else.

But what if you just can't figure it out?  You feel the binge coming, like a train picking up speed.  It feels like there's nothing you can do to stop it.

As someone recently said to me, "I know it’s important to identify and process my feelings so I don't eat when I'm upset, but sometimes I’m too stressed out to deal with it. What else can I do when I feel that way?”

If you can relate, you may be accustomed to eating to numb, distract or comfort yourself and don’t know how else to calm down.

Here are some ways to alleviate stress and anxiety by calming your body, centering your mind and stopping the escalation of stress.

Progressive Muscle Relaxation Exercise: Focus on your legs. Make them as tight as you can. Move up your body, tightening your stomach, then your arms. Make fists and keep your muscles really, really tight. HOLD that tension as long as possible, a minimum of fifteen seconds but ideally as long as possible. Then release.

Feel that? You’re probably feeling more relaxed.. The idea of this exercise is that without muscle tension, you can’t access muscle release. When your body is relaxed, your mind will follow. When your mind is relaxed, you won't feel the need to binge. And viola! You're delivering those cookies to a delighted new friend and forming a new friendship, something that will last much longer than the cookies. :)

The Four Senses Exercise: As you know, we have five senses, but if you turn to food when you’re stressed, you’re familiar with the sense of taste and probably use taste – food – as the primary way you self-soothe. The Four Senses exercise puts you in touch with the other four senses and helps you center yourself.

Wherever you are, look around and say one thing that you can:

1. Touch
2. See
3. Smell
4. Hear

Take in these senses with as much detail as possible. You can take this exercise a step further by not only noticing what you can touch, see, hear, or smell, but by indulging one of those senses with calm.
Do you have a favorite song or playlist that puts you at ease? Stick some headphones in and let your mind focus on the beautiful sound. Visit nature and treat your eyes to a feast of plants, landscapes, and beauty. Burn a candle with a scent that is especially calming. Wrap yourself in a warm, furry blanket.

If you want to binge, your subconscious is asking for some love. Give it to yourself -- without food.

When I'm particularly stressed, I turn on my favorite old-school artist, Prince, and dance around my house like I'm on stage. That usually changes my mood. But if you need a little more help, here are some other options:

Visualization. There are two ways to use visualization: the first is to imagine a happy place where you feel safe and calm; the second is to think about something you’re afraid of, and imagine a positive outcome. Keep in mind those four senses as you work through the visualizations!

Visualization #1: Visualize a place where you feel happy. Where are you? Who else is there? Don’t limit yourself to reality; you can go anywhere your mind takes you. In your imagination, what are you touching, seeing, hearing, and smelling? Dwell in this visualization until you start to feel your heart calm down.

When I'm overwhelmed, I visualize being on a calm lake with the sun shining and water lapping the shore. I remember the time I went canoeing and a black swan swam alongside the canoe. I had the most lovely sense of wellbeing and calm. 

Visualization #2: Imagine a situation that makes you nervous, thinking about the best outcome possible. Again, use the four senses to bring this to life. What upcoming situation is causing you anxiety? Whether it’s a job interview, a personal challenge, a blind date or anything else, imagine the very best outcome, visualizing and imaging the four senses.

I used to have an absolute terror of public speaking. I would get so nervous that my legs would shake (I was positive that the audience could see me trembling, which only made it worse. I realized that I was imagining a critical audience, thinking, “Look how nervous she is. Look at those knees shaking!” Meanies.
I decided to imagine an understanding audience full of people who were benefiting from what I was saying, and I focused on how I could help them. Once I did that, my knees stopped shaking for good. And guess what?  Now I love public speaking!

Using these methods to calm down, along with learning to identify and process painful, difficult and upsetting emotions, will help you comfort yourself and find peace with words, instead of with restricting, bingeing and purging, or bingeing.

When you are calm, you don't need food to cope. And that's how we will beat the diet habit!

Which of these techniques resound with you? Try one out this week. Make a goal to try one or two before you head to the kitchen for that extra loaf of bread. Share your successes and failures with me on Facebook. 

If you are looking for online support and community, check out my Kick the Diet Habit program. All members are granted lifetime access to my online community. This is a great online support for people to chat, ask questions, receive encouragement, and reach me directly. You can learn more about the program here or at the link below. You can respond to this email if you have any questions.

This is what one lifetime member of the Kick the Diet support group said about the program: “Thank you for freeing me from 40 years of dieting and living on low-fat foods and sugar-free this and that. We are in Paris and enjoying some very tasty French food, with no inner critic bullying me. Here’s to freedom and living life to the max!”

I sincerely hope that these techniques help you as you continue to work for greater health and happiness. 

Remember, here is always hope! We are in this together.

Want more help to make peace with food?  I offer an online program that you can do in the privacy of your home, at your own pace, to help you beat bingeing for good.  www.kickthediethabit.com

Is She Skinnier Than I am?

Recently I was at a park where some girls were selling lemonade and cookies at a stand.  I got in line for lemonade and couldn’t help but overhear what the girls were talking about.  One was saying that some other girl named Kiley (who wasn’t there) had lost weight at gymnastics camp over the summer.  

She said, “Is she skinnier than me?”

This began a whole debate about who was skinnier than whom.  They compared the sizes of their jeans, the space between the thighs (the thigh gap) and complained about not being able to see their hipbones.

Then one of them said, “Well, Kiley may be skinny but she still needs a nose job.”

It occurred to me that the smallest part of these girls was their self-confidence, which seemed to be solely based on their weight and appearance in comparison to other girls.  

Sound familiar?  Do you compare yourself to others and constantly feel as if you fall short?  

Or do you feel superior when you make comparisons?   Recently someone confided at how superior she felt when she saw another women eating dinner at a restaurant.  She scoffed, “I thought she was so weak.  I felt so strong in comparison.”

This woman thought her ability to deprive herself and use willpower to not “give in” to the need to eat made her strong.  This is a pyrrhic victory, one that causes suffering in the long run.

To stop comparing yourself to others, it’s important to challenge the ideas about yourself that negatively impact your self esteem.  When you feel good about yourself, you’re less likely to turn to food for comfort or distraction, or to prove anything about yourself.

Food for thought:
Where did you get the idea that you’re not good enough as you are?

What do you think needs to change?  Weight?  Martial status?  Employment status?  

What makes you think that depriving yourself reflects strength of character?

Think of someone you compare yourself to unfavorably?  What do you imagine would change if you had her (or his) looks, weight, life?  

What aspects of yourself – physical, intellectual, mental, emotional – do you feel good about? 

What makes you happy?

When you feel good about yourself, you're less vulnerable food, weight or body image issues!

The Tyranny of Free Food

I'm pleased to share an essay by novelist JoAnna Novak.  She is the author of I Must Have You (Skyhorse Publishing, 2017) and also Noirmania (forthcoming from Inside the Castle 2018).  I’m thrilled that she has contributed to Make Peace With Food.  Here's a peek into our conversation about her work.

Dr. Nina:  JoAnna, can you share what inspired you to write this essay?

JoAnna: I attended an orientation recently--it was a morning thing--and the host brought bagels. That reminded me how much pressure even the presence of food can create for someone with an eating disorder.

The more I thought about this, the more I realized that I'd skipped many, many, many orientations just to avoid negotiating this particular stress.

It's a stress that always makes me feel guilty, too, because of course many people would be grateful to be given food; that guilt sort of exacerbates the stress, which is really what I was trying to capture in this essay. 

Dr. Nina:  I think a lot of readers on this blog can relate to those feelings of guilt and stress over food.  Please tell us about your new book.

JoAnna:  I Must Have You is a novel, a coming-of-age story set in 1999, in the aftermath of the heroin chic craze, long before anyone was talking body positivity.

Chronicling three women's interconnected eating disorders, the book is about middle school, girl crushes, anorexia, drugs, first kisses, and hunger--hunger for friendship, hunger for solvency, hunger for a firm grasp of one's self.

Dr. Nina:  Thanks, JoAnna.   That hunger for connection to self and others is something that so many people try to fill or express with food.  What I appreciate about your essay is that it’s a rare glimpse into the actual experience of dealing with food:  thinking about it, ruminating, obsessing and perseverating.   It’s a powerful piece and I think it will resonate with lots of people.

TRIGGER WARNING!  This essay describes food in detail and may be triggering.

The Tyranny Of Free Food 

by JoAnna Novak

I don’t want the mini Danish with its gluey bull’s eye. The bready, pre-sliced bagel, cut-side shining its hole up at the fluorescent lights, ringing a tub of cream cheese flanked by plastic knives.

I don’t want to do communal fruit, a spree of honeydew, the jelly packets, Welch’s or Smuckers or Sysco, the butter bonnets, the honey sticks, even the coffee poses questions: decaf or regular, the organic regular or the fair trade regular, cream or milk or soy, sugar, raw sugar, splenda, the green one, the blue one, the stirrer, the scald of exposure when there are no lids and the person standing next to me, a familiar face who, in this context, wobbles like a hologram of a visitor from another dimension, remarks, “Huh. You take it black.”

 You warrior, you, I tell myself. You tough.

 But are you ninja enough to navigate free lunch? More pinwheels than a 1950s block party, wrap after wrap, salmon pink means tomato and mossy green means spinach and that undercooked graham cracker tone is whole wheat, a matte wrap rainbow to distract you from the fact that, whole, every one of those tortillas is calories-enough for a decent meal, and now here they are, the wraps, halved or quartered, or maybe they’re in thirds, and they sprout toothpicks wearing Christmas-light bright cellophane, which makes the whole affair a little trippy, not to mention fatty, what with the roast beef and the ham and the American and Swiss, slices thin as blotting papers in the roll-ups, which you must pick up with indelicate, ineffective, ridiculously gilt silver serving tongs. 

The iceberg salad. The spinach salad, dicey with turds of goat cheese. The fun-size chips and their fun-size bags and their fun-size crunch, an aural tattoo, marking you as a chip-eater, indulgent, fun, when they’re the only thing with a nutrition label in the room. 

You could take a brownie, but it would need salt, and if you salt your brownie you call attention to yourself, the incongruity of your meal, which, if it includes a brownie can’t include “real food.” You could take a cookie and pick out the chocolate chips or the macadamia nuts, but see “you could take a brownie.” See “coffee: you take it black.”

 Free food is supposed to be a gift, a grace, a sign that the world is not all business. It’s in the classroom, the boardroom, the backroom at funerals, at picnic tables, served poolside, in homes and offices.

You are supposed to be thankful. You are supposed to be tickled. You are an employee or a poor grad student subsisting on the myth of subsisting on ramen or a mourner or a daughter or a son or a boss or a volunteer at the literacy center downtown or an idle shopper at Whole Foods on Local Foods Friday.

 “Wanna try Spicy Mo’s Jalapeno Jack on a cracker?”

The only thing lonelier than navigating the minefield of free food is overhearing the way eaters demonstrate they are pleased by it. Their voices bounce with the enthusiasm of precocious child actors. “Mm, this is actually delicious!” “The vegetarian wrap is really good!” “I do love pesto!” “I have to have a cookie—ok, one more! It’s here, so I’m eating!”

You are supposed to appreciate the gesture. Have seconds. Take home leftovers. Fill up. If the food is free, it’s also over-ordered.

Because isn’t there always someone like you, like me? Someone who hears that the first hour of an event is going to be group breakfast—and skips that first hour? Someone who invents conference calls or urgent emails so they can postpone grabbing a plate? Someone with jumpy eyes, whose smile keeps wobbling into a frown? What’s the worst part? Skipping the meal and being alone as you sit and watch people eat? Taking the plunge and eating yourself?

That’s what no one tells you about free food: it’s not free. It’s not free of calories and, if you’ve had an eating disorder, it’s not free of stress. Because free food asks the eater to perform their diet. Who do you want to be to your colleagues, your new classmates, your fellow grievers? You eat nothing and stamp your hungry foot, plead some unseen meal that’s filling you up, say you’re not hungry. 

 You gobble a heap, the whole spread, and field comments about your appetite, your metabolism, your body, where do you put it, your sweet tooth. 

  You build a plate by meal plan, feel the hollowness of scant portions at a table of the ravenous, the regular, the relaxed. 

  You excuse yourself after and puke even if you haven’t puked after anything in years. You try to meditate in plain sight. 

  You make space for your mind to run laps around the dining room while everyone doubles up on dessert.

JoAnna Novak is the author of I Must Have You (Skyhorse Publishing 2017) and Noirmania (forthcoming from Inside the Castle 2018). She has written fiction, essays, poetry, and criticism for publications including Salon, Guernica, BOMB, The Rumpus, Conjunctions, and Joyland. She received her MFA in fiction from Washington University and her MFA in poetry from University of Massachusetts Amherst. She is a co-founder of the literary journal and chapbook publisher, Tammy. She lives in Los Angeles. ​  Find out more at www.joannanovak.com

This will help you feel better

It's important to feel good about yourself even when you're in the process of change.

You may not like your weight, but you can like yourself as you work towards recovery from an eating disorder or weight loss (if that is your goal).

When you shift the way you think about yourself and your body, you become kinder to yourself and less critical.

When you're kind to yourself, you feel good and you're less likely to use food for comfort or distraction.

Here are some ways to help you shift your focus from critical to kind.   Bookmark this page so you have this "food for thought" wherever you go!

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Leave a comment and share which one of these most resonates with you, and why!  

New Year, New You

Are you making New Years resolutions this year?   Lots of us intend to start making changes, such as losing weight or going to the gym more often.

We also set intentions to stop behaviors such as bingeing or making unhealthy food choices.

Somewhere along the line our resolve fizzles and, boom - we're back to where we started.  If this sounds familiar, here are some tips to make 2017 different:

#1 - Stop Trying So Hard.

Resolutions are often phrased in terms of “trying” to make changes.  I’m going to try to lose weight.  I’m going to try to be healthier. 

Keep in mind there is no trying; there is either doing or not doing (thank you, Yoda!).

If you’re trying (and failing) at your attempts to change, there is always a reason.  Here are a few common fears that are associated with trying and failing:

Fear Of Disappointment: You imagine that by changing your body, you will change your life. But, what if it doesn’t?  What if everything in your life stays exactly the same?  Maybe that’s too much to risk, so you never allow yourself to get to the point where you will be disappointed.

Fear Of Impulsivity:  You worry that if you lose weight, you will be impulsive – i.e., leave your husband or wife, or take risks at work  If so, coming to terms with such fears is a crucial step towards change.

Fear Of Objectification: You  have negative associations to intimacy or fear being seen as a "thing" instead of a person.  This is so scary that you never allow yourself to feel good about your body.

Instead of trying to lose weight, examine the underlying conflicts that prevent you from taking the best possible care of your body.

#2 - Make A Different Kind of Resolution

New Years Resolutions are often only about behaviors.   I suggest we make resolutions to shift our relationship to ourselves and change our attitudes.

• Resolve to be kinder to yourself
• Resolve to listen to your inner voice
• Resolve to prioritize your needs and wants
• Resolve to be curious, instead of critical

Resolve to stop the negative self-talk and start being supportive of yourself.   Make a list of the ways you wish other people would be towards you, such as responsive, open, supportive, and kind.  Then, be that way towards yourself.

Here's a handy little reminder for you to download and/or memorize:

New!!  Read my new book, "Food For Thought: Perspectives on Eating Disorders" (an Amazon bestseller!):  Click>>>amazon.com/author/drnina