How To Love Your Body

I'm pleased to share my article in this month's issue of Masters Of Health Magazine, an online magazine dedicated to health and wellness.

Many of us yearn to have a different body, while ignoring the one we have. Social media is filled with photos of people on fad diets, starving themselves, or going to extreme measures, desperate to change their weight and appearance.

All too often, we hold ourselves up to an ideal of physical perfection and find fault with ourselves when we inevitably fail to meet their goals. This is true of men as well as women. 

As one of my male patients once said, “It is just as hard to be Ken as it is to be Barbie.”

To create a more peaceful and realistic way of relating to ourselves, we must challenge the notion that there is only one good way to have a body, so that we can cherish, as well as nurture, the bodies we have.

Love Tip #1: Appreciate Yourself

Many people, when they think of their “self” only think of their image in the mirror. Yet, we are so much more than our size and appearance.

One woman described herself as the “queen of self care” and didn’t understand why she still felt bad about herself. When I asked exactly how she took care of herself, she told me she regularly got manicures and pedicures, facials and massages.

I told her that was grooming, not self-care. Her challenge was realizing that there was much more to her – and to all of us - than meets the eye.

Always keep in mind that you have a body, but you also have a mind. There are intellectual parts, emotional, relational, creative, spiritual parts of yourself, and a whole range of other qualities that make you the person you are.

Make it a point to identify, embrace and nurture all parts of yourself, because they all need your appreciation. When you feel good about your whole self, you won’t be as focused on your weight as a way to define yourself.

Click HERE to read Love Tips #2 and #3:  http://bit.ly/2suIp65

To cherish the body you have, define yourself by your basic values and unique characteristics, instead of by your appearance. Tune in to your physical needs by avoiding restrictive diets and cultivating a more intuitive approach to your food choices. And, accept your emotions and attend to them, instead of ignoring them.

This is the key to true transformation and inner peace.

This will help you feel better

It's important to feel good about yourself even when you're in the process of change.

You may not like your weight, but you can like yourself as you work towards recovery from an eating disorder or weight loss (if that is your goal).

When you shift the way you think about yourself and your body, you become kinder to yourself and less critical.

When you're kind to yourself, you feel good and you're less likely to use food for comfort or distraction.

Here are some ways to help you shift your focus from critical to kind.   Bookmark this page so you have this "food for thought" wherever you go!

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Leave a comment and share which one of these most resonates with you, and why!  

What drives your binge eating?

When it comes to your relationship with food, does it seem as if you are in the passenger seat, and the driver is completely out-of-control?

I am going to help you identify what is “driving” the behavior of binge eating, and give you the two crucial steps to change, that you can implement right away.

For starters, imagine yourself as a car.  If this seems a bit weird, think about this:  we refer to car “bodies” (why is that?) and we take our cars to the “body shop” for repairs.   

As you travel on the proverbial road of life, keep in mind that you are not alone in the vehicle.  There are usually three basic parts to all of us: the Self, the Critic, and the Soother/Supporter.

·      The “Self” is is the part of you that has needs, wants, wishes, emotions and conflicts.  When you say, “I feel mad/sad/glad/afraid” that’s your “Self” talking.   

·      The “Critic” informs you of all your perceived transgressions.  It is relentlessly judgmental, critical and sometimes downright nasty.  (Hint:  if you refer to yourself in the second person, it is usually the critic talking, as when you say to yourself, “You have no willpower!”).  

·      The “Soother/Supporter” is the part that provides understanding, soothing and support. Often, that’s the part that can show up for other people, but not for you. 

Which of these is in the drivers seat?

Chances are, it’s the critic.

We all need a little bit of an inner critic to make sure we make good choices.  Ideally, that critic should stay in the backseat - or better yet, the trunk!

How does this relate to food issues?

When the critic is at the wheel, it isn’t pretty.  And for many people, the critic strikes exactly when they need the most support. 

That leads to using food for comfort or distraction.  And then the critic is there to judge you (“How could you have eaten that?” or “You failed!”), and the cycle continues. 

If you speak to yourself in a critical way, you feel bad.  And if you don’t soothe and support yourself, you’re likely to use food for comfort or distraction.

Where is the supporter in all of this?  Probably mute.

Here’s what to do:

Step One:  Recognize who’s driving

Does your internal critic remind you of anyone you know?  Who spoke to you (or to others) in that manner?  Where did you learn to relate to yourself that way? 

Is that mean voice really “you” or does it belong to someone else?  A parent, sibling, or teacher, perhaps.

Identify the source of that internal critic.  And, tell it to shush.   It no longer has permission to drive you crazy.  Banish it to the backseat.

Step Two:  Be a friend to yourself

How do you express support for others?   Chances are, you are caring, understanding, helpful and friendly. 

What if you spoke that way to yourself?  Try it!  You’ll see a difference.

Talk to yourself as if you were someone you love.  Be nice to yourself.  You will feel better, and when you feel supported by yourself, you are way less likely to eat.

When you are driven by a wish to be supportive and understanding to yourself, as well as to others, you will stop using food to cope.

And that’s how you make peace with food!

What A Tight Bridesmaid Dress Taught Me About Body Confidence

Today's guest blog is from Anne, who struggled with binge eating and knew that dieting wasn't working for her (in fact, it only made things worse).  When she gave up dieting and started examining "why" she was eating, instead of focusing on food, everything began to shift.  She didn't realize how much she had changed until THIS happened:

Anne's Story:

"I never realized how much I had changed until I had a bridesmaid dress disaster a few weeks ago.

My cousin Kate's wedding was a few weeks away and the bridesmaid dresses had finally arrived.   I was a little nervous--we've all seen 27 Dresses and know just how awful a bridesmaid dress can be! 

Well, my cousin pulled out a lacy, peacock blue dress out of the bag and I thought it was gorgeous.   I put it on, started to zip up, but as it got about halfway up my back, the zipper stuck. 

Kate came around and started yanking and pulling and tightening, but it didn't budge. The dress was simply not going to fit. 

In a very quiet and tentative voice, she said, "Are you going to be okay if we order a bigger size?" 

She was afraid that my self-esteem was going to plummet simply because I needed a different letter on the tag of my dress. 

A year ago, I would have been devastated.  But a lot can change in a  year.

I thought, "The size of the dress doesn't change my body! Just because this size doesn't fit doesn't mean I need to lose weight! 

And I'm certainly not going to keep the too-small dress around as motivation to diet. 

Heaven forbid I diet and the second the wedding ends, I turn around and binge on everything I've restricted the last three months. 

Why not order a dress that fits me and and makes me look like a million bucks?" 

To Kate's compassionate question, I cheerfully answered, "Of course we should order a different size! We don't want me walking around with my dress zipped down all day! What would grandma think?" 

She laughed, and together we called the company to ask about their exchange policy.  

And that's when I realized how free I was from all the body hatred and shame that I'd struggled with for so long."

Anne is a college student in the Midwest who's thrilled to have created a healthier, happier relationship to food - and most of all, to herself.

Wow, what a story!

I love Anne's body-positive response to the bridesmaid dress.  As I considered her experience, I started thinking about numbers.

Why do we allow our identity and our worth be determined by the letter or number on our clothing? 

Some of the world's largest crimes against humanity have been when we stripped others of their names and identities, and instead we assigned them a number. 

Enough!!

Promise yourself today to stop seeing yourself as the size of your jeans or the number on the scale, and instead see yourself as a person with wants and needs, likes and dislikes. 

Be more than a number... be YOU!

Today, refuse to say anything negative about your size. Assess the size of your heart, not the size of your jeans. Count the number of your friends, not the number on the scale.

  

Today, find positive attributes of your body to focus on. 

Today, challenge the thought that you will be happier when you are skinnier. 

Today, tell yourself that you love and respect yourself. 

That's how you win the diet war! 

Hugs,

Dr. Nina

How To Get Through The Summer Without Food Issues

Summer is coming.  That means barbecues, pool parties, beach parties, and more. Just thinking about it might make you nervous. Here's how to get through the summer without focusing on food, weight or diet:

How to deal with food

The anticipation of deprivation only makes you want something more.  If you're trying to be "good" and NOT eat hamburgers, chips, ice cream or whatever, then you're constantly thinking about food while you're at parties, instead of connecting with people and having fun!

When you think you can't have something, you'll just want it more.

What to do?  Give yourself permission to have whatever you think is forbidden.

Yes.  Have what you want!

You may be afraid that you'll start eating and never stop.  That won't happen if you consistently allow yourself to eat what you want.  If you "can" have it, sometimes you'll have it and sometimes you can decide not to have it.

How has dieting and restricting yourself from having certain foods worked so far?  I'm guessing, not too much.  Give this new way a try!

How to deal with people
Do you get mixed messages from your friends and family?   Someone might say, "Oh, one bite won't hurt you.

And someone else may say, disapprovingly, "Do you think you should eat that?"

If you think everyone's watching what you eat, it's enough to make you hide from people and turn to food.  
Also, people often talk about food at parties.  Again, this puts the focus on food instead of on... well, other things in life.

What to do?  Say you're on a diet.  A word diet.  Announce that you're not talking about food or dieting or losing weight (yours or anyone else's).   There are lots of other topics of conversation - suggest one! 

How to enjoy yourself
Focus on your senses:  sight, smell, touch, listen, taste.  Look around the party and notice what you see.  Is it a beautiful day?  Does it make you happy to see friends and loved ones? Do you see the sand, the sea, a pool, a grassy yard?
What are you hearing?  Laughter?  Music?  Conversation.

What does the water feel like?  Feel the warmth of the sun on your skin. 

Keep in mind that the sun and water won't feel better if you are thinner.
When you find new ways of relating to yourself and your world, you stop using food for comfort or distraction. And that's how you make peace with food!

Want even more support on your journey?  I can help!  Imagine feeling FREE of food cravings and being at peace, all without dieting (yes, it is possible)!

Learn how to stop binge eating!  FREE TRAINING!  CLICK HERE TO SIGN UP:  http://drnina.info/video-series-optin

www.winthedietwar.com

It feels like hunger, but...

What are you hungry for right now?  

Food?  Or is it a deeper hunger, for something emotionally, intellectually, creatively, and/or spiritually fulfilling?

• A sense of trust and safety – even when you’re not your best self
• Feeling appreciated for your quirks instead of apologizing for them
• A really strong physical connection with a partner
• Deep and meaningful conversations 

As you know, I do NOT view bingeing or problem eating as an addiction (although it sure may "feel" like an addiction).   It's a coping strategy that helps you deal with painful, upsetting emotions and conflicts.  

It helps but it also hurts.

Why food?

A woman once asked me, “Why can’t I turn to meth when I’m upset?  At least I’d be skinny.”

Shocking, huh?  Here’s what I told her:

Our first experience of   bonding is of being held, gazing into the eyes of another, and being fed. Turning to comfort food expresses a wish to be comforted by another.

Understood in this way, our psyches equate food with relationship and people.

You're less likely to turn to food when you're in fulfilling relationships.  Not just romantically, but close and meaningful friendships. 

How do you create change?

If you do nothing, nothing will change.  You'll have to step outside your comfort zone (you can do it!!!).  Try one of these strategies:

Invite a neighbor, coworker or friend out to coffee
Find a class or lecture in your area and say hello to the person sitting next to you
Go to the library or bookstore and ask for book recommendations
Join a book club
Take a yoga class
Join a support group

When you experience the sweetness of love, affection and genuine acceptance, you won't use chocolate as a substitute (whether you turn to it or from it).

That leads to a natural and lasting relationship to food.  And that's how you make peace with food!!

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https://winthedietwar.com/kick-the-diet-habit-now/

3 Tips To Cope (Without Food)

Coping with the challenges of life can be really tough.  But you know what makes it even harder?  Our society equates coping with being dismissive of feelings.  Part of what makes us human is our ability to feel emotions, but our culture tells us there’s something wrong with our emotions: 

• Angry?  You have an anger management problem.
• Sad?  You must be depressed.  Take an anti-depressant. 
• Anxious?  There’s a pill for that, too.
• Scared?  Be strong!  Fight!  Don’t give in to fear!

No wonder so many of us often have difficulty recognizing that emotions, needs, desires and reactions are part of being human, not a defect.  Keep in mind:

A feeling is a reaction to a situation, not a reflection of your character. 

When you have a tough time processing uncomfortable or intolerable feelings, because the mere existence of those feelings is viewed as weak, bad or wrong, you might turn to (or from) food as a way of dealing with those feelings.  

As counterintuitive as it may sound, the only way to get rid of feelings is to actually feel them.  First, you have to identify what you’re feeling.  Here are three feelings that can be problematic:

#1 ANGER: Annoyance, frustration, rage and fury are all derivatives of anger.  It helps to make a gauge of what you’re feeling.  On a scale of 1-10, what’s a 10?  Rage?  Fury? What’s a 2?  Frustration?  Annoyance? 

If you don’t gauge feelings, every emotion seems like a 10.  Everything feels like too much.  And if your feelings are overwhelming, you’re more vulnerable to turning to food for relief.

Here are some questions to help you pinpoint why you avoid anger.

I don’t like getting angry because:

I’m afraid to feel angry because it reminds me of:

#2 SADNESS:  Gloomy, unhappy, glum, hurt, dejected, depressed, grieving, are forms of sadness.  

I don’t like feeling sad because:

I’m afraid to feel sad because it reminds me of:

#3 HAPPINESS:  You may be thinking, "What’s difficult about being happy?  Happiness is a good thing.  All I want is to be happy!"  People are often nervous to be happy, afraid the rug is going to be pulled out from under them. They don’t let themselves get too happy because they’re afraid they’ll lose that good feeling, so they sabotage themselves. 

Also, food is associated with celebration and reward.  We commemorate birthdays, achievements and transitions food and allow ourselves a “treat” for a job well done.  If food is associated with special celebrations, it’s difficult not to eat or overeat on those occasions.

I’ll know when I’m happy when:

If I let myself be happy, then:

When you can identify, gauge, and process a range of emotions, won’t need food to escape, numb or distract yourself from those feelings.  

And that's how you make peace with food!

*          *          *

https://winthedietwar.com/kick-the-diet-habit-now/