Crack The Code To Emotional Eating

How do you crack the code of emotional eating?  By changing the way you respond to your emotions!

Last weekend I had the honor of speaking at an uplifting, fabulous event in Santa Monica, celebrating self-acceptance and honoring Mental Health Awareness Month.  For those of you who couldn't be there, I wanted to bring the event to you!

Click my photo or click HERE to watch the video!   

For those of you who'd rather read the speech, here's what I said:

"I want to tell you this thing that happened...  I’m in the park and there are these two toddlers – a little girl and a little boy – and they’re playing in the sand, digging, sifting, eating sand, having a great time. 

All of a sudden the boy gets up and runs off.  He just takes off - with the shovel.  

The little girl bursts into tears.  She’s upset – her friend took off and she’s sad.  And here comes mom, running up, “Don’t cry!  Don’t cry!  It’s okay!”

Of course she keeps crying, because... well, we've all been there, right?  You're hanging out with someone, thinking everything is going great, you're getting along, and then suddenly they're gone.  So she's upset.

And mom’s digging in her diaper bag, saying, “Stop crying, it’s okay,” and then she says, “Here, have a cookie.” (yikes)

What did that little girl learn?  She learned that feelings cause other people to be anxious and upset and she should not cry.  But if she absolutely can’t stop herself, a cookie will do the trick. 

Hello, disordered eating in the future. 

So what does this have to do with self-acceptance and mental health?  Well, when we talk about mental health, we’re often talking about emotional health.  Only we’ve got a problem in this country, because we make emotions into a bad, scary thing.

You’re considered weak if you feel your emotions and strong if you don’t.  How does that even make sense?  Doesn’t it take a lot of strength to deal with painful, difficult emotions?

Here’s the thing:  cookies don’t take away feelings.   You can’t stuff feelings down, you can’t starve them away, purge them, drink them away, gamble them away, work them away, let them go, or use positive thinking to get rid of them.  

There’s only ONE WAY to get rid of feelings.  

That little girl in the sandbox?   If her mother had just said, “Yeah, honey, that hurts.  It’s hard when people leave you and take your stuff.”  If she’d said that, then the girl would have had a good cry and felt better.

That’s how you get rid of feelings.  As counterintuitive as it may seem, the only way to get rid of feelings is to actually FEEL them.

We need to accept that feelings are reactions to situations and not character flaws.   If you get mad, you’re not an angry person; you’re a person who’s angry.

We need to accept our emotions and give them our attention, not our condemnation.

We must accept tears.

Accept our fears.

Accept everything we feel, today and every day, because ultimately emotions are NOT a sign that you are weak. They are a sign that you are human. 

By accepting your feeling, you accept your humanity.  And that’s a healthy outlook!"

What are you going to do today to accept yourself?   Share by replying to this post!

Once again, here's the link to the speech: Watch it here. 

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www.winthedietwar.com

How To Say NO To People

Is it difficult to say "no" to people?

Do you often agree to do things you don’t want to do?  Feel like you give in too easily? 

I'm going to show you how to say "no" with more ease.  First, identify why it's so tough to set boundaries with others.  Some common reasons include:

You feel guilty – as if it’s wrong to choose yourself

You feel like a burden – as if it’s asking too much to choose what you want if someone else wants something different

You don't want to seem difficult – as if saying no makes you difficult and too much trouble

You don't want to upset anyone – as if you’re responsible for the feelings of others

You're afraid to hurt someone’s feelings – as if what another person wants, thinks or feels is more important than what you want, think or feel

You fear rejection – as if people won’t like you or want to be your friend if you disappoint them

You fear retaliation – as if people will reject/hurt/abandon you if you displease them

Which of these resonates with you?

What does this have to do with food & disordered eating?

If you say “yes” when you really mean “no,” what happens to your resentment towards the person making the request?  Or your anxiety about doing something you don't want to do?   When you don’t express emotions in words, you’re vulnerable to disordered eating in the following ways:

*Turning to food for comfort or distraction.  

*Bingeing and purging as a way of symbolically ridding yourself of your emotions.

*Restricting as a symbolic way to deny that you feel anything.

*Getting upset at yourself for your weight 

How do you avoid this?  By saying “no” when people ask you to do something you don’t want to do.  

Here's how to say "No":

Step One: acknowledge the other person’s request:  

“I know you really need or want me to _____”

Step Two: set the limit.  “...But that doesn't work for me."

Example:  Imagine a friend asks to borrow money. 

Step One is, "I understand you're in a tough place right now...."  

Step Two is, "...but I make is a rule not to lend money to friends."

That way it's not personal.  This is your rule, these are your boundaries, and you'll feel less rejecting.

Example:  Imagine you hate horror movies but your friend/spouse/partner wants to see the latest scary movie.  

Before you commit to a night of hiding behind your hands and having nightmares later, say, "I know you'd really love to see  that movie, but those movies give me nightmares and I don't enjoy them.  How about seeing something we'll both like?"

It gets easier with practice!

Step Three:  Take your own side

Don’t apologize, Don’t make excuses, Don’t justify or explain.  Do set limits.

Step Four:  Give yourself the right to have rights.

You have the right to set boundaries, the right to you’re your needs, wants, time and interests as important as those of others.  

When you are comfortable with those rights, you won’t need to comfort or distract yourself with thoughts of diet, weight, exercise or calories.  And that's how you make peace with food!

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