Relationship/attachment style is a predictor for vulnerability to disordered
eating. Recognizing your attachment style
can be a vital part of understanding what motives your disordered eating.
There are four basic relationship/attachment
styles:
1) Securely
attached adults are comfortable with intimacy. They tend to have positive views of
themselves and others, and trust that closeness with another person can be a
warm, positive, and mutually satisfying experience. They are less likely to develop eating
disorders.
2) Anxious-Preoccupied adults find it difficult to trust that the person
they love or care about will be consistently available. They dislike separation, fearing that “out
of sight” leads to “out of mind” and they often seek reassurance that their
partner is still there for them.
People who binge may be “hungry” for love but
turn to food instead, unconsciously fearing they will never get enough or be
satisfied in their relationships.
3) Dismissive-Avoidant adults are uncomfortable with closeness. They often prize independence, telling
themselves and others that they don’t need anyone else to be happy.
Underlying this outward disinterest in
relationships is the fear that intimacy will lead to rejection, pain or loss of
self. On some level, the belief is that
“if you don’t get too close, you won’t get hurt.” This relationship style is associated with
anorexia.
The solution is to turn away from both people
and food, restricting the intake of both food and love.
5) Fearful-avoidant adults simultaneously wish for closeness, yet fear
intimacy. They yearn for someone who is usually
unavailable, and ardently pursue that person.
If the object of their affection returns their feelings, they lose
interest, finding distance safer – until the pattern repeats.
This relationship style is associated with both
bulimia and binge eating disorder in which bingeing is a symbolic way to fill
up on food, an unconscious substitute for love, fulfillment, and needs.
Those who struggle with bulimia then get rid
of the food as a means of symbolically purging their needs. In relationships, they allow closeness
(binge), and then create distance (purge), as an expression of their conflict
about trust.
Are you more comfortable with distance, or
closeness?
What are your hopes and fears about intimacy?
Where did you learn to mistrust
relationships?
How did your parents and others respond to
your needs?
How do you respond to your own needs, wishes, and emotions?
Understanding what the conflict is, and how
it came to be, is the first step to change.
When you feel safe with closeness, you will be less likely to use
disordered eating as a means to create distance.
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Legal Disclaimer: The content on this site is for educational and informational purposes only. It is not intended as psychotherapy or as a substitute for psychotherapy advice, diagnosis or treatment.
