How To Love Your Body

I'm pleased to share my article in this month's issue of Masters Of Health Magazine, an online magazine dedicated to health and wellness.

Many of us yearn to have a different body, while ignoring the one we have. Social media is filled with photos of people on fad diets, starving themselves, or going to extreme measures, desperate to change their weight and appearance.

All too often, we hold ourselves up to an ideal of physical perfection and find fault with ourselves when we inevitably fail to meet their goals. This is true of men as well as women. 

As one of my male patients once said, “It is just as hard to be Ken as it is to be Barbie.”

To create a more peaceful and realistic way of relating to ourselves, we must challenge the notion that there is only one good way to have a body, so that we can cherish, as well as nurture, the bodies we have.

Love Tip #1: Appreciate Yourself

Many people, when they think of their “self” only think of their image in the mirror. Yet, we are so much more than our size and appearance.

One woman described herself as the “queen of self care” and didn’t understand why she still felt bad about herself. When I asked exactly how she took care of herself, she told me she regularly got manicures and pedicures, facials and massages.

I told her that was grooming, not self-care. Her challenge was realizing that there was much more to her – and to all of us - than meets the eye.

Always keep in mind that you have a body, but you also have a mind. There are intellectual parts, emotional, relational, creative, spiritual parts of yourself, and a whole range of other qualities that make you the person you are.

Make it a point to identify, embrace and nurture all parts of yourself, because they all need your appreciation. When you feel good about your whole self, you won’t be as focused on your weight as a way to define yourself.

Click HERE to read Love Tips #2 and #3:  http://bit.ly/2suIp65

To cherish the body you have, define yourself by your basic values and unique characteristics, instead of by your appearance. Tune in to your physical needs by avoiding restrictive diets and cultivating a more intuitive approach to your food choices. And, accept your emotions and attend to them, instead of ignoring them.

This is the key to true transformation and inner peace.

Top 3 Holiday Tips

#1 - Be a social anthropologist

There's nothing worse than feeling self-conscious over the holidays.  You feel as if you've got a giant spotlight on you and everyone is looking at you, thinking critical thoughts about your weight, appearance or life choices.   Yuck.

The key is to switch the focus.  Consider what YOU think of other people, instead of imagining what they are thinking about you.

When you're observing others, you will be much less self-conscious and feel better overall.   And, when you feel good, you won't use food to escape, soothe or distract yourself.

#2 - Don't "should" on yourself

If you constantly say things like, "I shouldn't have eaten that" or, "I should exercise more" then you're "shoulding" on yourself.   You might eat just to escape your own critical voice!

Instead, acknowledge yourself for what you ARE doing.  Say, "I'm proud that I realize why I ate those Christmas cookies, instead of only focusing on the fact that I ate them."

Be curious, not critical.  Ask yourself, "I wonder what's going on with me?  Am I upset about something or anxious?  What would I say to a friend in the same situation?"

Being nice to yourself feels good.  When you feel good, you won't eat for comfort or distraction!

#3 - Toss the scale

How many mornings have you weighed yourself - and whatever that number is, it ruins your whole day?

The bathroom scale is not your friend.  It does not know you and it cannot measure your value.
Do not let a piece of metal and plastic have that much control over your self esteem!  Toss that scale in the trash, where it belongs.  Or do what I did in this video:  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LKbtHooceZI

Please comment on which of these tips resonates the most with you.

Wishing you a happy, healthy (and enjoyable) holiday season!!

Dr. Nina

What A Tight Bridesmaid Dress Taught Me About Body Confidence

Today's guest blog is from Anne, who struggled with binge eating and knew that dieting wasn't working for her (in fact, it only made things worse).  When she gave up dieting and started examining "why" she was eating, instead of focusing on food, everything began to shift.  She didn't realize how much she had changed until THIS happened:

Anne's Story:

"I never realized how much I had changed until I had a bridesmaid dress disaster a few weeks ago.

My cousin Kate's wedding was a few weeks away and the bridesmaid dresses had finally arrived.   I was a little nervous--we've all seen 27 Dresses and know just how awful a bridesmaid dress can be! 

Well, my cousin pulled out a lacy, peacock blue dress out of the bag and I thought it was gorgeous.   I put it on, started to zip up, but as it got about halfway up my back, the zipper stuck. 

Kate came around and started yanking and pulling and tightening, but it didn't budge. The dress was simply not going to fit. 

In a very quiet and tentative voice, she said, "Are you going to be okay if we order a bigger size?" 

She was afraid that my self-esteem was going to plummet simply because I needed a different letter on the tag of my dress. 

A year ago, I would have been devastated.  But a lot can change in a  year.

I thought, "The size of the dress doesn't change my body! Just because this size doesn't fit doesn't mean I need to lose weight! 

And I'm certainly not going to keep the too-small dress around as motivation to diet. 

Heaven forbid I diet and the second the wedding ends, I turn around and binge on everything I've restricted the last three months. 

Why not order a dress that fits me and and makes me look like a million bucks?" 

To Kate's compassionate question, I cheerfully answered, "Of course we should order a different size! We don't want me walking around with my dress zipped down all day! What would grandma think?" 

She laughed, and together we called the company to ask about their exchange policy.  

And that's when I realized how free I was from all the body hatred and shame that I'd struggled with for so long."

Anne is a college student in the Midwest who's thrilled to have created a healthier, happier relationship to food - and most of all, to herself.

Wow, what a story!

I love Anne's body-positive response to the bridesmaid dress.  As I considered her experience, I started thinking about numbers.

Why do we allow our identity and our worth be determined by the letter or number on our clothing? 

Some of the world's largest crimes against humanity have been when we stripped others of their names and identities, and instead we assigned them a number. 

Enough!!

Promise yourself today to stop seeing yourself as the size of your jeans or the number on the scale, and instead see yourself as a person with wants and needs, likes and dislikes. 

Be more than a number... be YOU!

Today, refuse to say anything negative about your size. Assess the size of your heart, not the size of your jeans. Count the number of your friends, not the number on the scale.

  

Today, find positive attributes of your body to focus on. 

Today, challenge the thought that you will be happier when you are skinnier. 

Today, tell yourself that you love and respect yourself. 

That's how you win the diet war! 

Hugs,

Dr. Nina

How to Accept Yourself

When you think about the concept of self-acceptance, what “self” do you think of first?  The one in the mirror?   Because there is so much more to you than meets the eye.  

In this video, I'll show you how to find a renewed sense of self-acceptance and feel better about yourself. When you feel good, you won't turn to (or against) food to comfort, numb or express yourself.

Go ahead and WATCH now!

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How To Get Over A Mistake

When's the last time you made a mistake?  

Recently, to my dismay, I discovered a typo on the "thank you" pop-up on my mailing list opt-in.  Instead of "Welcome" it read "Wecome."  

Since thousands of people subscribed to the list (including many of you, dear readers) that meant THOUSANDS of people saw the error.

Eeeek.  
Cringe.  
Total mortification.

How could I have missed it?
What would people think?
Yes, I went to that worst place scenario, imagining people would be completely put off and might think less of me.

I confided my concerns to a friend.  She started to laugh.

"I'm so relieved," she said.  "You actually are human."

She went on to tell me that my error, although understandably upsetting, made me seem more accessible and fallible in her eyes, which from her perspective was a good thing.  And she reminded me that all those subscribers still... well, subscribed.

It's easy to lose perspective and feel as if a relatively minor mistake is huge.  In my case, I realized I had highlighted the typo and minimized the overall value I strive to bring to subscribers.

Worrying makes things worse.

Stop obsessing about what happened:  Worrying about a mistake can lead to negative self-talk and an expectation of perfectionism, both of which affect self-esteem.  When you feel bad about yourself, you're more likely to use disordered eating as an escape, for comfort, or as punishment.

Start learning from it:  Figuring out what you can do to prevent another error (double proof-readers for me!) is important.

I often reassure people that it's okay to mess up, screw up, forget or just plain fail.  This experience forced me to put my beliefs into action.

Food for thought:

What does it mean to make a mistake?


What do you feel when you've made an error?


What is your inner judge telling you?


What would you tell a friend in a similar situation?


How bad is it in the overall scheme of things?


The next time you make a mistake (which is part of life and therefore inevitable), keep this in mind:

You made a mistake.  You are not a mistake.

And then give your perfectly-imperfect self a break!

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https://winthedietwar.com/kick-the-diet-habit-now/

How To Survive The Holidays - Part 2

CLICK HERE to listen to the interview.

What's the main cause of anxiety over the holidays?

Family, definitely.  And, food. 

The holidays start with Thanksgiving (at least they do in the United States) and Thanksgiving is often referred to as “National Binge Day” – the whole day is a tribute to excess. 

You’re expected to overeat.  It’s even considered bad manners not to try everything on the table.  If you struggle with food, this can be extremely challenging.

Another problem with the holidays is everyone talks about food.  A lot.

Some relatives get offended if you don’t try everything.  Someone will say, “I know you’re watching your weight but you’re just GOT to try my pecan pie.  One bite won’t hurt you.  Go on, have some.”

And then there are the people who watch every bite they eat – and every bite YOU eat.

They say, “Oh, I shouldn’t have this.”  Or worse, “Do you think you should eat that?  Do you really need that?”

And then there are people who talk about food as if it’s a person.  “Oh, what a beautiful turkey.  What a gorgeous ham.  Everything looks beautiful.  I’m so in love with this meal.”

Personally, I don’t think food is beautiful or gorgeous.  People are beautiful (inside and out).

Love belongs to relationships between humans.  You love your husband, your wife, your girlfriend, boyfriend, your kids, your parents.  Food isn’t worthy of your love.

All this focus on food can lead to a lot of stress – you’re anxious, upset, and sad – and if you don’t have other strategies to deal with those stressful emotion, that makes you more vulnerable to using food to cope. 

So it can be a vicious cycle.  The key is to learn to express feelings in words, instead of behavior.

How do you stop the cycle?

People often think they are triggered by food but they’re not.  They’re usually triggered by situations and experiences that are painful or upsetting, and make them want to turn to food to cope – to numb, or distract from what’s upsetting them.

Start by asking yourself some questions:

*What is the most difficult part of the holidays?  Food?  Family?  Lack of family?

*What do you like about the holiday season?  What do you dislike?

*What helps during this time?

*What doesn’t help?

*What are the emotional triggers?

This helps you understand yourself better and know what your true triggers are – situational and emotional.  When you deal with and process those situations and feelings directly, you won’t use food as a coping strategy.

What is my top survival tip for the holidays?

Be a social anthropologist.    

When you're watching and observing, you're not a participant.  Observing means creating some distance and that distance can be very illuminating.

When you hear your mom or dad or grandparents criticize your sister or brother or cousin, or even themselves, you can see more clearly how you learned to criticize yourself. 

When you realize that your mother apologizes for every bite she eats, you’ll recognize how you learned to feel guilty for every bite you take.

It doesn’t matter whether you celebrate Christmas or Hannukah or Kwanza, or nothing, pay attention to what’s going on around you.

Which category does everyone at the table fit into?  Are they drunk, jealous, show-offs, or relentlessly perfect?

What do you like about them?  What do you appreciate?  What do you dislike?  Give yourself permission to hold the positive and negatives about others – it’ll make it easier to hold both about yourself.

Do you like people better because they’re thin?  Probably not.

When you’re observing others, you don’t feel as much under observation.  That makes you feel less self-conscious, and you feel better.  When you feel better, you’re less likely to use food to cope.

Add some gratitude!

It’s the holidays, and ultimately the holidays are about gratitude, so be grateful.  Think of one thing you appreciate; whether it’s a person or a situation, because hanging onto one good thing can keep you going when things are challenging.   

And with that in mind, be grateful for yourself, and practice self-acceptance and self-care.  You’ll feel better, and when you feel better, you’re less likely to use food to cope.  And as I like to say to my listeners and viewers, that’s how you win the diet war.

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https://winthedietwar.com/kick-the-diet-habit-now/

Don't Eat Humble Pie!

Are you too humble?

It's one thing to be humble - to be modest and give a low estimation of your value.

It's another thing to devalue yourself, underestimate yourself or be too quick to point out perceived faults and flaws.

How do you talk to yourself or about yourself?

"I can't be seen in public until I lose weight."

"I'm such an idiot."

"I can't believe I went out with that guy.  I'm a loser." 

Does that sound familiar?  Are you overly humble and self-critical?  When you talk about yourself, are you referring to your physical, emotional, intellectual, or relational self?  

If you only define yourself by what you look like, or put yourself down for perceived deficits, you're missing the whole picture. When you appreciate all your qualities, your view of yourself will change. 

A pie chart is a great way of seeing the whole you.

List the qualities about yourself that have nothing to do with your physicality.  Include things you like as well as things you don't like about yourself:  e.g., smart, funny, creative, warm, compassionate, loving, shy, spirited, zealous, bossy.

Then divide the pie below to represent each of these qualities.

Follow the example and list the qualities about yourself in the following categories:

Emotional                  Intellectual               Relational                  Other (not physical)

______________         ______________       ______________        _____________

______________         ______________       ______________        _____________

______________         ______________       ______________        _____________

______________         ______________       ______________        _____________

______________         ______________       ______________        _____________

______________         ______________       ______________        _____________

______________         ______________       ______________        _____________

Now, divide up the qualities on the pie chart below.

How does it feel to look at this chart?  What do you notice about this perspective of yourself?  What surprises you?   Is your mind conflicted between acceptance and indifference?  Why?

Having a more realistic self-concept facilitates self-acceptance.  When you appreciate who you are as a person, you feel better about yourself.  And when you feel better, you’re less likely to turn to (or from) food for comfort or distraction from uncomfortable thoughts and emotions about yourself.

Be Size Awesome

Do you know any people who are awesome?  Are they cool and amazing because of the size of their jeans?  Their weight?  No, of course not.   

In this episode, Dr. Nina helps you size up your life, emphasize what's important,  and start feeling awesome!

Check out this episode!