How To Know What You're Feeling

Several years ago my patient Bonnie's husband joined our session so he could better understand her binge eating.   

I explained that her binges were a "symptom" of an underlying problem, not "the" problem.  

Bonnie was coping with her emotions by turning to food .  Our job was to focus on what was eating "at" her rather than what she was eating.

Her husband said that in his opinion, Bonnie lacked willpower. 

Bonnie broke down sobbing. Her husband made no move to comfort her.

I was struck by his indifference.  I asked, "What does it feel like to see your wife crying?" 

He sighed. "I feel like she just needs to go on a diet and lose weight. Then she'll feel better about herself."

That couple is now divorced (no surprise, right?).

Bonnie's husband thought he was expressing a feeling but in fact was expressing his thoughts and opinion.  In fact, many people say they "feel" something when in fact they are "thinking" a thought.

Many people have difficulty identifying their emotions.  Or, if they know what they're feeling, they are not sure how to express themselves. 

Recently I discovered a way to answer those questions - and it's fun! Feeling Magnets is a tool to help you identify and understand your emotions.  

Intrigued?  Here's the creator of Feeling Magnets to tell you more!  

"Growing up we learn an array of life skills. We learn to count, calculate and measure.  We discover how to write, spell and write poetry.  We focus on getting through school, having a career and perhaps starting a family. 

Yet we don’t really learn to “feel”. 

We don’t learn about emotions or how to navigate them in a healthy way.

We often struggle to know what we are feeling and to distinguish between feelings and thoughts. The result: we become disconnected from our emotions.

We suppress them with food, shopping, drinking or other distractions  - and all the consequences that come from that (being overweight, having credit debts, staying insanely busy until we reach burnout, and so on).

The founders of Feeling Magnets set out to change that. 

The first step?  Recognizing and naming feelings.  

Sounds so easy right? Well… not so much. 

We created Feeling Magnets to help us along this journey.  Now, we can help you!

Feeling Magnets supports you on your journey to reconnecting with your emotions.  They help you recognize what you feel, accept those feelings and navigate them.

They help you build a healthy relationship with your emotions instead of suppressing them with food.  This is how they work their magic:

1. Naming emotions. There is a remarkable power in finding the right words for what you feel.   Feeling Magnets support you in recognizing and naming your emotions.

2. Crisis management.  When you’re triggered, checking in with your feelings before opening the fridge, is powerful. 

Identifying emotions changes the focus of your mind away from the food. Sifting through the feelings allows the urge to.

3. Breaking patterns.  Recently one woman shared how Feeling Magnets helped her realize she felt guilt and shame when she telephoned her mother-in-law.  For years she had a “snack” right afterwards. As soon as she connected the dots, she was able to change this pattern.

4. Playful discovery. Some of the most insightful discoveries can happen in the least expected times and places. We made Feeling Magnets portable, so that they can go wherever you go!

As founders of Feeling Magnets, we realize how many aspects of our lives are impacted by our ability to process our emotions. 

We believe that if you don’t deprive yourself of feeling your emotions, you don’t need to deprive ourselves of anything that you love (including food) and that you will also achieve balance."

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Feeling Magnets give you everything you need to process your emotions.   Check it out now:  www.feelingmagnets.com

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https://winthedietwar.com/kick-the-diet-habit-now/

The "F" Word (It's not what you think)

If you struggle to identify and process your emotions, you're more likely to turn to food for comfort or distraction.  In this episode, Dr. Nina explains that the only way to get rid of feelings is to actually FEEL them. She demonstrates the difference between thinking about your emotions and expressing them. When you can identify and process what's going on inside, you won't use food to cope!

Remember, feelings are reactions to situations, not character flaws!

Watch the video for more food for thought.

https://winthedietwar.com/kick-the-diet-habit-now/

Is She Skinnier Than Me?

Is She Skinnier Than Me?

A few days ago I was at a park and there were a bunch of middle-school girls selling lemonade and cookies at a stand.  I got in line for lemonade and couldn’t help but overhear what the girls were talking about.  One girl who was wearing all black was saying that some other girl named Kiley (who wasn’t there) had lost weight at gymnastics camp over the summer.  Goth girl said, “Is she skinnier than me?”

This began a whole debate about who was skinnier than whom.  They compared the sizes of their jeans, the space between the thighs (the thigh gap) and complained about not being able to see their hipbones.

Then one of them said, “Well, Kiley may be skinny but she still needs a nose job.”

It occurred to me that the smallest part of these girls was their self-confidence, which seemed to be solely based on their weight and appearance in comparison to other girls. 

Sound familiar?  Do you compare yourself to others and constantly feel as if you fall short? 

Or do you feel superior when you make comparisons?   Recently someone confided at how superior she felt when she saw another women eating dinner at a restaurant.  She scoffed, “I thought she was so weak.  I felt so strong in comparison.”

This woman thought her ability to deprive herself and use willpower to not “give in” to the need to eat made her strong.  This is a pyrrhic victory, one that causes suffering in the long run.

To stop comparing yourself to others, it’s important to challenge the ideas about yourself that negatively impact your self esteem.  When you feel good about yourself, you’re less likely to turn to (or from) food for comfort or distraction, or to prove anything about yourself.

What does "skinny" mean to you?  How does it make you better?

Where did you get the idea that you’re not good enough as you are?

What do you think needs to change?  Weight?  Marital status?  Employment status? 

What makes you think that depriving yourself reflects strength of character?

Think of someone you compare yourself to unfavorably?  What do you imagine would change if you had her (or his) looks, weight, life? 

What aspects of yourself – physical, intellectual, mental, emotional – do you feel good about?

What makes you happy?

Theodore Roosevelt once said, "Comparison is the thief of joy."   When you stop comparing yourself to others and start accepting yourself, then you can let joy into your life.  And when you are more joyful and feel good about yourself, you're less likely to use food for comfort or distraction!

Comments and questions are welcome.  You're welcome to share on Facebook and/or Twitter or leave a rating and/or a comment on iTunes, so more people can benefit from the information on this blog.

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Legal Disclaimer:  The content on this site is for educational and informational purposes only.  It is not intended as psychotherapy or as a substitute for psychotherapy advice, diagnosis or treatment.

Starving For Love?

What are you hungry for right now?   Is it food... or do you have a deeper hunger, for something  emotionally fulfilling?  

Maybe what you truly hunger for is love and connection.  

In this episode, Dr. Nina explores the connection between relationships and emotional eating.  She identifies four different attachment styles and how they impact your relationship to food.

Check out this episode!

Comments and questions are welcome.  Please share on Facebook and/or Twitter so more people can benefit from the information on this blog.

"Like" me on Facebook and follow me on Twitter

Legal Disclaimer:  The content on this site is for educational and informational purposes only.  It is not intended as psychotherapy or as a substitute for psychotherapy advice, diagnosis or treatment.

Gain Confidence & Lose Weight

Do you think you need to lose weight in order to feel better about yourself?  It's actually the other way around.  When you gain confidence, it's easier to lose weight.  Dr. Nina explains the various aspects of self-esteem and helps identify the blocks to your self-worth so that you can feel good about yourself.

Check out this episode!

The Present

Do you often look to the future, imagining that when you are at your ideal weight, your life will be easier, happier, or perfect?   For example, “When I lose weight, I’ll find a boyfriend (or girlfriend).”  “When I stop bingeing, I’ll be more confident and social.”  

If this is familiar, you may be too focused on your weight to define yourself, giving a number on the scale too much power over your happiness and confidence.   Overly investing in your physicality as the determining factor in self-acceptance makes it difficult to appreciate the other qualities that make you loveable and likeable.    

Think of a vivid memory from the past.   How did it impact you?  What have you learned about yourself since then?   How have you changed?  

Imagine your future. What would you like to happen in the next week, month, year, five years, or decade?  (not weight-related)

Now, think of today.  What do you appreciate about yourself, in the here and now?  What qualities are likeable?  Lovable?  Interesting?   Are you a good friend?  Talented?  Funny?  Tenacious?  Smart?  Compassionate? Spirited?  Helpful?  Adventurous?  Loving?  

These are the qualities that define you, not the number on the scale.

Remembering this is a present you can give to yourself daily.

What NOT to Say

Check out this episode!

What NOT To Say:  Does someone you love and care about struggle with weight, food or body image issues?   Do you want to help but don't know how?  Dr. Nina explores what NOT to say, explaining what works and what doesn't work - and why.  She provides guidance on how to express concern without blaming or shaming, and gives tips on the most effective way to communicate. 

I created this podcast because so many people dealing with weight, food and body image issues have shared how their loved ones or friends try to help, but only make things worse. This episode is tells them what NOT to say, and also clarifies the best way to be helpful.  

FREE:  Crack The Code of Emotional Eating!

<<<<Get FREE ACCESS Now!>>>>    

Ready for the FULL PROGRAM?

Give me 30 days to transform your relationship to food 

(without actually talking about food).

CLICK << HERE >> 

Magic Wand

I have a magic wand in my office.  If only it worked the way Harry Potter's does in books and movies!  

If my wand had actual powers, I'd wave it over people and magically heal their relationship to themselves. I'd instantly create self-acceptance to replace self-criticism and help people process feelings instead of turning on themselves, using food/weight as a weapon.  

Alas, the magic wand doesn't work.  But here's the good news:  you do have the power to change, to identify patterns and destructive attitudes and to react and act differently in your life.  

We all have our own magic within us.  We can heal ourselves with a combination of insight, hope, tenacity, reflection, courage, and more.

Eating disorder behavior and thoughts often serve to distract from deeper fears and conflicts.  When you can work through these concerns, you may no longer need the eating disorder to cope with the uncomfortable/unbearable feelings that arise from them. Imagine if in a wave of a magic wand, all thoughts of food, weight, calories, fat grams, or anything connected to disordered eating are completely blocked.  If these concerns no longer occupied your mind, what would you think about? 

Fear of abandonment: concern that others will leave you and that you’ll be alone. Is this a familiar concern?  If so, what comes to mind?

Fear of rejection: concern that other people will judge you and won’t like you.  When is the first time you remember feeling this way?

Fear of punishment:  Fear that you’ll get in trouble or be punished in some way.  Do you feel this way a lot? 

Guilt:  Feelings of guilt or fear that you’re going to feel guilty in the future.  Often this guilt leads to anxiety, which is felt as one of the above fears.  For example, “If I do something wrong, then others are going to react by either abandoning, rejecting or punishing me."

Addressing the underlying fear and working through it, what it is and where it came from (easier said than done!!) can help you be less worried about these issues.  And when you're not as worried, anxious or fearful, you are less likely to turn to or from food to cope.

FREE:  Crack The Code of Emotional Eating!

<<<<Get FREE ACCESS Now!>>>>    

Ready for the FULL PROGRAM?

Give me 30 days to transform your relationship to food 

(without actually talking about food).

CLICK << HERE >>