Are You A Mindreader?

ARE YOU A MIND READER?

When you walk into a room filled with strangers, what are your initial thoughts?

Do you think the best?  “These people are interested in me and can’t wait to meet me!

Or the worst?  “These people think I’m fat… boring… stupid..."

Believing other people are thinking the worse of you can be subtle, as in the following examples:

• Arturo sat on the couch in my office, telling me about his weekend.  He’d seen a couple of movies and spent time with his girlfriend.   I nodded, listening.  He sighed.  "You're right, I should have done some work this weekend.  I can’t believe how lazy I am."
  
  
•  Corinne wept in frustration as she described a recent problem at work.  She blew her nose and shook her head, apologetically.  "You probably think I'm such a crybaby."
  
  
• My friend Kellie and I had dinner recently, and she ordered dessert.  She gave me a sheepish look.  "I know what you're thinking.  I have no business eating tiramisu."

Each person in these examples projected his or her own critical thoughts about themselves, into me, and then felt guilty or ashamed.  

Arturo’s father always accused him of being a slacker, and he had internalized that view of himself.  He thought I was viewing him through his father’s eyes. 

Corinne grew up in a family that did not tolerate emotions or tears, which were viewed as signs of weakness.  She imagined that I was viewing her tears contemptuously. 

Kellie’s mother constantly monitored her weight, and Kellie thought I was doing so, too.

Questions:

What do you think others are thinking about you?   Are they critical?  Kind?  Indifferent?  Angry?

Who viewed you that way in the past?   How have you identified with them?

What is another way to view yourself and the situation?  What would you say to someone else in your position?    

“Arturo, it’s important to relax over the weekend and recharge your batteries.  That's practicing self-care, not slacking” 

“Corinne, it’s healthy to cry if you’re upset.  Feelings are a reaction to a situation, not a reflection of your character.” 

“Kellie, it’s okay to eat dessert, or anything, in moderation.”

Thoughts and beliefs lead to emotions, which influence behavior.  When you think the worst, you feel terrible, and may turn to an eating disorder to cope.  

When you believe others are interested in you, rather than critical of you, you feel less anxious/upset/guarded and are less likely to turn to disordered eating.

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