How To Stop Feeling HUNGRY

Do you often feel hungry, no matter how much you eat? 

Ever wonder why? 

Consider this:

Recently, my eight-year-old complained of a really bad stomach ache.  I ruled out the common culprits:  food poisoning, the flu, or allergies.  

Turns out she was nervous about going back to school after the holiday break.

Her anxiety was expressed in a painful tummy.  How did I know?  Because talking about her worries made the pain stop.

That’s just one example of the emotional-to-physical connection.  Another is hunger.

There really is a mind-body connection.

Yearning, wanting or needing MORE of something or someone may be experienced as actual hunger.  Think about these expressions:

·      Hungry for love

·      Starving for attention

Being hungry for "more" of something like love, attention, friendship, understanding, money, security, and so forth, may be experienced as actual physical hunger.

What are you hungry for in your life (that isn't food)?  

When you translate "body language" into wishes, emotions and/or needs, you won't express or resolve those feelings or conflicts with food.

Your body is talking to you.   Listen closely!

If you want more examples and ideas about this mind-body connection, click the link below to watch the video. 

Remember that food/weight/body issues are symptoms of problems or conflicts. They are not "the" problem (even though it sure feels that way).  

How To Know What You're Feeling

Several years ago my patient Bonnie's husband joined our session so he could better understand her binge eating.   

I explained that her binges were a "symptom" of an underlying problem, not "the" problem.  

Bonnie was coping with her emotions by turning to food .  Our job was to focus on what was eating "at" her rather than what she was eating.

Her husband said that in his opinion, Bonnie lacked willpower. 

Bonnie broke down sobbing. Her husband made no move to comfort her.

I was struck by his indifference.  I asked, "What does it feel like to see your wife crying?" 

He sighed. "I feel like she just needs to go on a diet and lose weight. Then she'll feel better about herself."

That couple is now divorced (no surprise, right?).

Bonnie's husband thought he was expressing a feeling but in fact was expressing his thoughts and opinion.  In fact, many people say they "feel" something when in fact they are "thinking" a thought.

Many people have difficulty identifying their emotions.  Or, if they know what they're feeling, they are not sure how to express themselves. 

Recently I discovered a way to answer those questions - and it's fun! Feeling Magnets is a tool to help you identify and understand your emotions.  

Intrigued?  Here's the creator of Feeling Magnets to tell you more!  

"Growing up we learn an array of life skills. We learn to count, calculate and measure.  We discover how to write, spell and write poetry.  We focus on getting through school, having a career and perhaps starting a family. 

Yet we don’t really learn to “feel”. 

We don’t learn about emotions or how to navigate them in a healthy way.

We often struggle to know what we are feeling and to distinguish between feelings and thoughts. The result: we become disconnected from our emotions.

We suppress them with food, shopping, drinking or other distractions  - and all the consequences that come from that (being overweight, having credit debts, staying insanely busy until we reach burnout, and so on).

The founders of Feeling Magnets set out to change that. 

The first step?  Recognizing and naming feelings.  

Sounds so easy right? Well… not so much. 

We created Feeling Magnets to help us along this journey.  Now, we can help you!

Feeling Magnets supports you on your journey to reconnecting with your emotions.  They help you recognize what you feel, accept those feelings and navigate them.

They help you build a healthy relationship with your emotions instead of suppressing them with food.  This is how they work their magic:

1. Naming emotions. There is a remarkable power in finding the right words for what you feel.   Feeling Magnets support you in recognizing and naming your emotions.

2. Crisis management.  When you’re triggered, checking in with your feelings before opening the fridge, is powerful. 

Identifying emotions changes the focus of your mind away from the food. Sifting through the feelings allows the urge to.

3. Breaking patterns.  Recently one woman shared how Feeling Magnets helped her realize she felt guilt and shame when she telephoned her mother-in-law.  For years she had a “snack” right afterwards. As soon as she connected the dots, she was able to change this pattern.

4. Playful discovery. Some of the most insightful discoveries can happen in the least expected times and places. We made Feeling Magnets portable, so that they can go wherever you go!

As founders of Feeling Magnets, we realize how many aspects of our lives are impacted by our ability to process our emotions. 

We believe that if you don’t deprive yourself of feeling your emotions, you don’t need to deprive ourselves of anything that you love (including food) and that you will also achieve balance."

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Feeling Magnets give you everything you need to process your emotions.   Check it out now:  www.feelingmagnets.com

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https://winthedietwar.com/kick-the-diet-habit-now/

3 Tips To Cope (Without Food)

Coping with the challenges of life can be really tough.  But you know what makes it even harder?  Our society equates coping with being dismissive of feelings.  Part of what makes us human is our ability to feel emotions, but our culture tells us there’s something wrong with our emotions: 

• Angry?  You have an anger management problem.
• Sad?  You must be depressed.  Take an anti-depressant. 
• Anxious?  There’s a pill for that, too.
• Scared?  Be strong!  Fight!  Don’t give in to fear!

No wonder so many of us often have difficulty recognizing that emotions, needs, desires and reactions are part of being human, not a defect.  Keep in mind:

A feeling is a reaction to a situation, not a reflection of your character. 

When you have a tough time processing uncomfortable or intolerable feelings, because the mere existence of those feelings is viewed as weak, bad or wrong, you might turn to (or from) food as a way of dealing with those feelings.  

As counterintuitive as it may sound, the only way to get rid of feelings is to actually feel them.  First, you have to identify what you’re feeling.  Here are three feelings that can be problematic:

#1 ANGER: Annoyance, frustration, rage and fury are all derivatives of anger.  It helps to make a gauge of what you’re feeling.  On a scale of 1-10, what’s a 10?  Rage?  Fury? What’s a 2?  Frustration?  Annoyance? 

If you don’t gauge feelings, every emotion seems like a 10.  Everything feels like too much.  And if your feelings are overwhelming, you’re more vulnerable to turning to food for relief.

Here are some questions to help you pinpoint why you avoid anger.

I don’t like getting angry because:

I’m afraid to feel angry because it reminds me of:

#2 SADNESS:  Gloomy, unhappy, glum, hurt, dejected, depressed, grieving, are forms of sadness.  

I don’t like feeling sad because:

I’m afraid to feel sad because it reminds me of:

#3 HAPPINESS:  You may be thinking, "What’s difficult about being happy?  Happiness is a good thing.  All I want is to be happy!"  People are often nervous to be happy, afraid the rug is going to be pulled out from under them. They don’t let themselves get too happy because they’re afraid they’ll lose that good feeling, so they sabotage themselves. 

Also, food is associated with celebration and reward.  We commemorate birthdays, achievements and transitions food and allow ourselves a “treat” for a job well done.  If food is associated with special celebrations, it’s difficult not to eat or overeat on those occasions.

I’ll know when I’m happy when:

If I let myself be happy, then:

When you can identify, gauge, and process a range of emotions, won’t need food to escape, numb or distract yourself from those feelings.  

And that's how you make peace with food!

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https://winthedietwar.com/kick-the-diet-habit-now/

How To Change Negative Thinking

Maybe you can relate to Cheryl, who's been preoccupied with her weight for years.  She's obsessed with counting calories, figuring out fat grams, and measuring her weight on a daily basis.

Recently, she found out that her sister-in-law was diagnosed with early-stage breast cancer (luckily, the prognosis is good!).  

Cheryl said,  “I feel so stupid for worrying so much about my weight.  I told myself, ‘It’s not like you’re dealing with a life and death situation.  You don’t have it so bad.  Why are you wasting time complaining?’”

She later binged on ice cream to escape what she called these “negative” thoughts.  Then she got mad at herself for eating ice cream.

A friend of mine is going through a divorce (and my goodness, it’s a nasty situation).  She recently told me how upset, scared and angry she is about her situation.  Then she apologized for “being so negative.”

How do you stop negative thinking?  

#1 Question the label

Negative means to be pessimistic, gloomy, or cynical.    That’s a general attitude and perspective on life.  Before you accuse yourself of “being negative” ask yourself whether your self-described negativity is an attitude or a description of an emotional reaction.

#2 Name the true emotions

Don’t associate character defects to emotions!   If you’re angry, that doesn’t make you an angry person.  If you’re upset, that doesn’t mean you’re a negative person. 

Cheryl was not being negative.  She was being harsh, dismissive and judgmental towards herself.

My friend was not being negative.  She was feeling anxious, scared, upset, angry and helpless. 

Experiencing painful feelings is difficult, but it doesn’t mean you’re negative or that the feelings are negative.   Feelings are a reaction to a situation.

#3   Process, process, process

You can’t stuff down emotions, can’t starve them away, let them go, drop them or ignore them.  The only way to get rid of feeling is to actually feel them. 

If you’re upset, express it.  Cry, yell, journal, talk to someone who understands, and allow yourself to process what’s going on.  Click here for 25 strategies to cope with emotions (without food).

#4 Don’t compare yourself to others

Cheryl attacked herself for having concerns about her weight, because her sister in law was dealing with a significant health situation.  It’s one thing to have perspective and it’s another to bash yourself just because you’re upset about circumstances that are different from others.

If you break an arm and someone else breaks two arms, do you have less of a right to be upset about your broken arm just because someone else broke both arms?  Nope!  You get to be upset that you broke your arm AND possibly be grateful that it’s one and not both. 

So, how do you stop negative thinking?  You stop thinking about your thoughts, emotions, reactions, and wishes as negative!

Your feelings and thoughts need your attention, not your condemnation.

When you identify, acknowledge and process what’s going on, you won’t use food for comfort or distraction.  And that's how you make peace with food - for good!   

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https://winthedietwar.com/kick-the-diet-habit-now/

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3 Ways To Boost Self-Esteem

Self-esteem is the opinion you have of yourself, the respect you hold for yourself, and your overall sense of worth.  

Here are three ways you can improve your self-esteem:

#1:  Accept the full range of your emotions!

"I'm really oversensitive and dramatic."  This comment attacks the "emotional/feeling self" and the underlying message is:  "I'm too much for anyone to handle" or "My feelings are a burden to others."

We live in a society that turns normal human reactions into something negative.   People are urged to be "strong" and not give in to their emotions.  

• Sad?  Take an anti-depressant for depression.
• Anxious?  There's a pill for that, too!
• Angry?  Go to an anger management class.

Sometimes, huge feelings become actually "feeling" huge.   Consider how intense issues are said to be "weighty" or "heavy."

If your self-esteem is based on being "strong" and not expressing feelings, challenge the notion that strength equals a lack of emotions.  

#2:  Accept that perfection is unattainable

Ever say something like, "I can't stand my gross, squishy stomach.  I'm so disgusting"? 

If your self-esteem is based on your "body self" the underlying message is:  "I have to be perfect to be lovable."

When you objectify yourself, your primary relationship is often to your own body, instead of to people.

If you're waiting to be "perfect" before you consider a romantic relationship, change jobs, go back to school or leave your marriage, you're defining perfection by a number on a scale.  

Often, that definition of "perfection" changes as you near your goal, the finish line moving farther out of reach, along with your willingness to take risks.   

When you accept imperfection, it's easier to start now!

#3:  Trust the positive views other people have of you!

Self-esteem has a direct impact on the quality of your relationships.  If you feel good about yourself, you'll trust that others also hold a positive view of you. 

Conversely, if you judge yourself, it's easier to believe that others are judging you.  When you're  overly self-critical, you're susceptible to accepting criticism from others and even staying in unhealthy relationships.   

When other people like you, accept, admire, respect and cherish you... believe them!

That means giving up an idealized view of perfection - in terms of your appearance, your internal emotions and conflicts, and your achievements. 

Giving yourself and the people you love the right to be "perfectly imperfect" will improve the closeness and quality of your relationships.

Self-acceptance refers to balancing different facets of yourself, holding onto the features you like about yourself, along with those you'd like to change.  

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https://winthedietwar.com/kick-the-diet-habit-now/

How The "F" Word Affects Your Weight

I am a big fan of the "F" word.

It's not what you might think.  It's not "fat" or "food" (and it's not the other "F" word, either!).  I'm talking about this word:

Feelings. 

Part of what makes us all human is our ability to feel emotions, so having emotions is part of what makes us feel truly alive.  However, we live in a culture that tells us there's something wrong with our feelings.

Angry?  You have an anger management problem.

Sad?  Take an anti-depressant. 

Anxious?  There's a pill for that, too.

Scared?  Be strong!  Fight!  Don't give in to fear!

Happy?  You might be a bit too happy.  Hypomanic, maybe?

No wonder people often have difficulty recognizing that emotions, needs, desires and reactions are part of being human, not a defect.  A feeling is a reaction to a situation, not a reflection of your character. 

When you cannot identify or process uncomfortable or intolerable feelings, because the mere existence of those feelings is viewed as weak, bad or wrong, you may turn to food as a way of dealing with those feelings.  

Food can't take away feelings.  As counterintuitive as it may sound, the only way to actually get rid of feelings is to actually feel them.    

Check out these three common feelings:

1) ANGER: Annoyance, frustration, rage and fury are all derivatives of anger.  It helps to make a gauge of what you're feeling.  On a scale of 1-10, what's a 10?  Rage?  Fury? 

What's a 2?  Frustration?  Annoyance?  

If you don't gauge your feelings, every emotion seems like a 10.  Everything feels like too much.  And if your feelings are overwhelming, you're more vulnerable to turning to food (or from it) for relief.

Check in with yourself about your conflict over anger by finishing these sentences.

I don't like getting angry because:

I'm afraid to feel angry because it reminds me of:

2)  SADNESS:  Gloomy, unhappy, glum, hurt, dejected, depressed, grieving, are all forms of sadness. 

I don't like feeling sad because:

I'm afraid to feel sad because it reminds me of:

3)  HAPPINESS: You might be thinking, "Happiness is a good thing.  All I want is to be happy! "

Some people are afraid of being "too" happy, fearful that the rug will be pulled out from under them.  They are afraid they'll lose that good feeling, so they sabotage themselves.  

Food is also associated with celebration and reward.  We commemorate birthdays, achievements and transitions food and allow ourselves a "treat" for a job well done.  If food is associated with special celebrations, it's difficult not to eat or overeat on those occasions.

I'll know when I'm happy when:

If I let myself be happy, then:

When you can identify, gauge, and process a range of emotions, you won't need food to escape, numb or distract yourself from them.

And that's how you make peace with food!

Here's a video on this topic:

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https://winthedietwar.com/kick-the-diet-habit-now/

How To Get Rid Of Feelings

Ever wish you could just be DONE with painful, difficult, upsetting emotions?

You can't eat them away, starve them away, purge them, let them go or ignore them.  There's only one way to get rid of feelings.  WATCH NOW to and find our how!

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https://winthedietwar.com/kick-the-diet-habit-now/

The Monster Inside My Head

Guest Post written by John Bukenas

"I have been on a quest to lose weight for over 30 years. And like most people, I’ve tried every diet plan, every lose weight quick pill.  And they would work at first, but nothing stuck.  

You know the deal, lose 25 and gain 35.  Adding 10 pounds a year to your frame can really take a toll on you in 20 years.

In 2011 I was totally out of control.  I was almost 500 pounds, I couldn’t walk a hundred yards without being in pain and out of breath.  

I decide to try again.  But this time it would be different.  I would do research, stay focused, learn what went wrong in the past.  And as usual, it worked. For awhile, but this time the difference was I decided to go public.  I decided for accountability I would start a podcast and maybe others would come along for the journey.

The podcast is a blessing and a curse.  A blessing because of the wonderful people that have come into my life.  A curse because failing publicly is so embarrassing.

Because of my podcast I had lost 108 pounds.  

I learned more about nutrition, and exercise but there is still something out there that I have not figured out.  It’s the why?

Why do I overeat?  Why do I medicate with food?  Why does nothing else I’ve tried not ease the my stress, my negative feelings?

I’ve tried meditation, tapping or Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT), journaling.  Nothing seems to work as well as food.  And as I write this I realize how silly it sounds. Because as soon as there was stress and pressure in my life everything I learned went right out the window. So I realized.

There is a monster inside my head.

This monster is killing me and I don’t know how to stop it.  For years I secretly fought it, but it always won.  Because the monster knows me better then I know myself.  If I build a defense, it knows just how to counterattack.  It’s patient, it’s relentless, and after a year of battling It’s won.  I gained all my weight back, I have stopped podcasting.  

Because I don’t have any answers.  I could go on every week and tell you about all the new research that has come out.  I could show you all the great technology there is to help monitor diet and exercise.  And I could interview others who have successful, and how they accomplished their goals.  But that is not why I started the podcast.  It was to come up with answers and a plan to have success.

So I’ve been trying a new plan.

I’m trying to make peace with the monster inside of my head.  It’s not easy, we hate each other.  But my conscious is no match for my subconscious.  I realize I am so mean to myself.  I demand perfection.  If I make a mistake, I really attack.  I say, “I know better, I’m weak, I’m lazy, I’m worthless.”  This attack on myself starts the depression spiral.  Then it starts over again.

I don’t do this with anyone else.  I don’t expect perfection from others because I know it’s unrealistic.

So I’m starting again.  I promise to be kind to myself.  To be understanding.  To forgive my past failures and put it in the past.  To reach out for help when I’m struggling.  And to be there for others who struggle.

Then it hit me.  I realize the monster I’ve been fighting actually loves me.  The monster hates it when I attack myself, it wants me to feel better.  The monster and I just need to figure out how to do that without food.  Because failure is not an option."

John Bukenas hosts the Let’s Reverse Obesity Podcast.

John’s contact information can be found at http://letsreverseobesity.com