Are you making New Years resolutions this year? Something along the lines of:
- Exercising more
- Eating more veggies
- Eating less sugar and junk food
- Stop bingeing
-
Chances are, you’ve tried this before. You start off strong and disciplined, but your resolve fizzles. And then it's another hope-to-heartbreak year all over again.
Here are some tips to make this year different:
Stop Trying So Hard
Resolutions are phrased in terms of “trying” to make changes. Do these sound familiar?
- I’m going to try to lose weight.
- I’m going to try to be healthier.
- I'll try to go to the gym every day.
If you're a Star Wars fan, you know there is no trying; there is either doing or not doing (thank you, Yoda).
If you’re trying (and failing) at your attempts to change, there is a reason, usually one of the following:
Fear of Expectations: You hope that by changing your body, you’ll change your life. But what if everything in your life stays exactly the same? Maybe that’s too much to risk, so you unconsciously stop yourself from going all-in, because you're afraid of what WON'T happen when you lose weight.
Fear of Impulsivity: Afraid you’ll act in an impulsive manner if you are happy with yourself – leave your husband, cheat on your wife, take risks at work, that kind of thing. If so, dealing with the wish to do those things – and most importantly, why - is a crucial step towards change.
Fear of Objectification: What are your associations to intimacy? What do you fear will happen if you’re perceived as more attractive to others?
Make A Different Kind of Resolution
New Years Resolutions are usually about behavior. What if they were about changing the way you relate to yourself? Resolve to be:
- Kinder to yourself
- Listen to your needs
- Pay attention to your wants
- Be curious, not critical
Make a list of the ways you wish other people would act towards you, such as responsive, open, supportive, and kind. Then, resolve to be that way towards yourself.
Why? Because the way you treat yourself directly impacts what you eat. If you're critical and judgmental, you feel bad. If your main source of comfort is food, you're likely to eat just to get away from your own mean internal voice.
Conversely, the nicer you are to yourself, the better you feel, and the less likely you are to eat for comfort or distraction! And that's how you make peace with food - for good!!
Dr. Nina
3 comments:
Anybody here suffering with bulimia I want to give you what helped me overcome this.
http://tinyurl.com/hquzalb
I think that Shaye is really great and I use her structured eating ideas, and have been in recovery since July. Hers was one of the first recovery blogs that I discovered. I also heard Dr. Nina on the 'Finding Our Hunger' podcast, and am a doctorate student who is interested in the neuropsychology of EDs. I was very impressed with her ideas and perspective. I am also a major fan of Jung and his ideas of shadow self. Dr. Nina's ideas resonated with me and I appreciate the work that she does! It is also great that you been in recovery, Danny and this also inspires people like me who are diligently working on it, as wel!! :) Tools and support helps us to gain power and realize that we are not alone..
Thank you so much for your thoughtful comment. I'm also so glad to hear of your interest in Jungian analysis, as well as in the neuropsychology of eating disorders. Best of luck in your liberation from ED!
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