New Year, New YOU?

Are you making New Years resolutions this year? Something along the lines of:


 - Exercising more 

 - Eating more veggies 

 - Eating less sugar and junk food 

-       Stop bingeing

-        


Chances are, you’ve tried this before. You start off strong and disciplined, but your resolve fizzles. And then it's another hope-to-heartbreak year all over again. 

Here are some tips to make this year different: 


Stop Trying So Hard 


Resolutions are phrased in terms of “trying” to make changes. Do these sound familiar? 


 - I’m going to try to lose weight. 

 - I’m going to try to be healthier. 

-     I'll try to go to the gym every day. 

      


If you're a Star Wars fan, you know there is no trying; there is either doing or not doing (thank you, Yoda). 


If you’re trying (and failing) at your attempts to change, there is a reason, usually one of the following: 


Fear of Expectations: You hope that by changing your body, you’ll change your life. But what if everything in your life stays exactly the same? Maybe that’s too much to risk, so you unconsciously stop yourself from going all-in, because you're afraid of what WON'T happen when you lose weight. 


Fear of Impulsivity: Afraid you’ll act in an impulsive manner if you are happy with yourself – leave your husband, cheat on your wife, take risks at work, that kind of thing. If so, dealing with the wish to do those things – and most importantly, why - is a crucial step towards change. 


Fear of Objectification: What are your associations to intimacy? What do you fear will happen if you’re perceived as more attractive to others? 

Make A Different Kind of Resolution

New Years Resolutions are usually about behavior. What if they were about changing the way you relate to yourself? Resolve to be:


 - Kinder to yourself 

 - Listen to your needs 

 - Pay attention to your wants 

-       Be curious, not critical 

     


Make a list of the ways you wish other people would act towards you, such as responsive, open, supportive, and kind. Then, resolve to be that way towards yourself. 


Why? Because the way you treat yourself directly impacts what you eat. If you're critical and judgmental, you feel bad. If your main source of comfort is food, you're likely to eat just to get away from your own mean internal voice. 


Conversely, the nicer you are to yourself, the better you feel, and the less likely you are to eat for comfort or distraction! And that's how you make peace with food - for good!!

Dr. Nina

https://winthedietwar.com/kick-the-diet-habit-now/

Why Positive Thinking Is Bad For Your Health

I'm going to let you in on a secret:

Positive thinking often makes you feel worse, not better.  When you feel bad, you're more likely to eat for comfort or distraction. That's how positive thinking can actually cause disordered eating to worsen.   

Here’s an example of a true story (based on my grandmother Bette's life): 

Just weeks after Bette's wedding to Roger, a drunk driver ran a red light and struck them in the crosswalk. Roger was killed instantly.  Bette’s spine was broken.  Doctors did not expect her to walk again. 

Bette proved them wrong.  She worked hard and walked out of the hospital on crutches.   During the next weeks, well-meaning friends urged her to stay positive. 

·      You’re lucky to be alive

·      Focus on your new life and don’t think about the past

·      Focus on the good and not the bad

·      Stay positive

A friend came over for coffee and exclaimed,  “How wonderful to see you up and around.  It’s a miracle!”

Bette ate a slice of coffee cake, then another.  Finally she put down her fork and burst into tears.  "It's no good," she wept.  “I can't stop thinking about Roger."

“Look on the bright side,” said her friend.  “It could have been worse.  We could have lost you, too.”

Her friend urged her to "stay positive."  

“I am positive,” Bette said.  “Positive that I miss my husband.”

What’s this got to do with your relationship to food? 

If you dismiss your true thoughts, emotions and reactions in favor of looking on the bright side, you are pushing away your truth.  If something bad happens, there may be a silver lining, but the bad thing still happened.

Forget trying to "stay positive" when things are tough

The only way to get past the challenges and losses of life is to deal with the bad stuff.   You can’t think it away, drop it, ignore it, or stuff it down.  

Yep, the only way to get rid of bad feelings is to feel, express and process them. 

Bette cried and raged and felt her grief.   That’s how she was able to finally get past the pain and say, “I miss Roger. And I’m glad to be alive and walking, literally.”

Think realistically (not positively)

“I gained 20 pounds.  But I shouldn't’t worry about such trivial things.  People are starving in Africa so I have no right to be upset.  I need to be more positive."

That's not helpful.  Instead, think along the lines of this:

“I gained 20 pounds.  I feel powerless and out of control.  It’s really painful and upsetting when my clothes are tighter.   I’m going to pay more attention to why I’m eating, to what’s eating “at” me, so that I can reverse this trend.  But in the meantime, it sure is challenging.   

Yes, people are starving in Africa but their pain does not minimize mine.”

Step One:  Acknowledge your experience

Step Two:  Validate your emotions

Step Three:  Comfort yourself with words 

When you acknowledge what you truly think and feel, even if it's painful or upsetting, you can deal with it and heal. But when you ignore it by "staying positive" it will continue to eat at you (yes, I used that expression purposefully).

Remember, you're not alone.  Together we will make peace with food!

*          *          *

Want even more support on your journey?  I can help!  Imagine feeling FREE of food cravings and being at peace, all without dieting (yes, it is possible)!

Get FREE RESOURCES:  http://winthedietwar.com

https://winthedietwar.com/kick-the-diet-habit-now/

How To Stop Cheating On Your Diet

Do you feel as if you're "cheating" on your meal plan (or doing something wrong) when you eat an actual carb or fat gram, or something that tastes yummy?

By focusing on food, weight and body image, you may be cheating yourself out of enjoying many aspects of life - not just food (which ought to be one of the pleasures of life, not a battleground), but the joys of connecting with people, feeling close or even enjoying a hug.

Why turn to food instead of people?  People can be unpredictable, unreliable and unavailable.  Unlike people, food is available, consistent and reliable.  You have access to it when you want and it's always the same.  

If you're focusing on your weight, food and appearance at the expense of your relationships, you may find yourself withdrawing physically, emotionally, and socially from others - either because you feel self-conscious or because you don't feel comfortable around other people.

Maybe you avoid social events, fearing there will be no “safe” food or that you'll eat too much, or fearing that you'll be judged for how you look.

Ask yourself if you are “hungry” for love, attention, connection and/or fulfillment but are turning to food as a substitute, worried that you will never get enough or be satisfied in your relationships or alternatively fearing that somehow you don't deserve to feel happy and satisfied.

If you're cheating on your diet, maybe you need the sweetness of connection and satisfaction.  

Create an appetite for life!   Choose at least one of these simple pleasures to experience this week:

•    Laugh with a friend (tell a joke or funny story)

•    Give a compliment and make someone smile

•    Sing your heart out in the car without caring what other drivers think

•    Read a child a story

•    Call a friend and catch up

•    Smile at a stranger

•     

What would you add to the list?  Leave a comment and share your thoughts!   

Enjoying fulfilling experiences with people and relationships with friends and family makes you less likely to use food for fulfillment (literally and figuratively) or to focus on your weight as a measure of your value.  

When you taste all that life has to offer, and enjoy a range of relationships and experiences, you will be satisfied and happy.  When you make peace with yourself, you make peace with food - for good!

*          *          *

Want even more support on your journey?  I can help!  Imagine feeling FREE of food cravings and being at peace, all without dieting (yes, it is possible)!

Sign up FREE resources:  http://winthedietwar.com

https://winthedietwar.com/kick-the-diet-habit-now/