Top 3 Holiday Tips

#1 - Be a social anthropologist

There's nothing worse than feeling self-conscious over the holidays.  You feel as if you've got a giant spotlight on you and everyone is looking at you, thinking critical thoughts about your weight, appearance or life choices.   Yuck.

The key is to switch the focus.  Consider what YOU think of other people, instead of imagining what they are thinking about you.

When you're observing others, you will be much less self-conscious and feel better overall.   And, when you feel good, you won't use food to escape, soothe or distract yourself.

#2 - Don't "should" on yourself

If you constantly say things like, "I shouldn't have eaten that" or, "I should exercise more" then you're "shoulding" on yourself.   You might eat just to escape your own critical voice!

Instead, acknowledge yourself for what you ARE doing.  Say, "I'm proud that I realize why I ate those Christmas cookies, instead of only focusing on the fact that I ate them."

Be curious, not critical.  Ask yourself, "I wonder what's going on with me?  Am I upset about something or anxious?  What would I say to a friend in the same situation?"

Being nice to yourself feels good.  When you feel good, you won't eat for comfort or distraction!

#3 - Toss the scale

How many mornings have you weighed yourself - and whatever that number is, it ruins your whole day?

The bathroom scale is not your friend.  It does not know you and it cannot measure your value.
Do not let a piece of metal and plastic have that much control over your self esteem!  Toss that scale in the trash, where it belongs.  Or do what I did in this video:  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LKbtHooceZI

Please comment on which of these tips resonates the most with you.

Wishing you a happy, healthy (and enjoyable) holiday season!!

Dr. Nina

Haters Back Off

                                                                  

Ever heard of a YouTube show called Miranda Sings? 

My 8 year-old daughter is completely obsessed with Miranda, who wears baggy red sweats with a button-down striped shirt, plus horribly smeared lipstick.  She’s obnoxious.  She’s a horrible singer but believes she’s FABULOUS.   

To her detractors, Miranda declares, “Haters back off.”

Miranda Sings is on tour this summer, so we went to see her.   The venue was filled with young fans (known as “Mirfandas”) dressed in Miranda’s signature baggy red sweats, button-down striped shirts, and smeared lipstick.

“Inexplicable,” I thought, settling in for what I thought would be 90 minutes of torture.

Turned out I was wrong.  I was SO wrong. 

Miranda’s show is self-help on steroids.  With a madcap mix of song, dance, and the most bizarre stage props ever, she:

• ·      Promotes self-confidence
• ·      Encourages body positivity.  She urges fans to dress appropriately instead of provocatively (part of what she refers to as “porn”)
• ·      Teaches girls how to pick a boyfriend, instead of being picked by a boy (or in Miranda-speak “bae”)
• ·       Takes a strong stance against haters

What does this have to do with food, weight and body image issues?

#1) Let’s start with self-confidence.  When you feel good about YOU, you won’t use food to numb, cope or distract yourself from painful or upsetting thoughts, conflicts or emotions. 

What prevents you from feeling good about yourself? 

Where did you learn to relate to yourself this way?

What would you say to a friend who felt as you do?

#2) Body positivity.  When you feel good about your body, you don’t objectify yourself and make yourself a thing. 

What determines what an attractive body is?  After all, voluptuousness was preferred in the era of painters Rubens, Titian and others.  Marilyn Monroe would be considered plus-size by today’s standards.   Who defines beauty?

What do you think is wrong with your body?  Why?Challenge that idea.  What would Marilyn say?

3) Pick, don’t be picked.  So often we take our cues about our worthiness from what other people think.  If a “bae” likes you, you’re worthy.  If not, you’re not good enough.

Wrong!  The only person who decides your value is YOU.

The bathroom scale doesn’t decide.

Other people can’t decide your value.

Only you determine whether you are good enough.

4) Haters back off (especially if the hater is you).  There will always be people who don’t understand you, who point out your so-called shortcomings, and who generally try to make you feel bad.   If they’re not targeting your weight, they’ll find something else about you to pick on.

Are you self-hating?    Why?

Where did you learn to hate your body or criticize yourself?

Would you criticize others the way you criticize yourself?

When you accept yourself – fiercely and completely – you will feel good.  And when you feel good, you won’t use food to escape, numb, or reward yourself.  And that's how you make peace with food!

This was taken during the concert.  The "Self Help Seminar" that truly rocked!!

What A Tight Bridesmaid Dress Taught Me About Body Confidence

Today's guest blog is from Anne, who struggled with binge eating and knew that dieting wasn't working for her (in fact, it only made things worse).  When she gave up dieting and started examining "why" she was eating, instead of focusing on food, everything began to shift.  She didn't realize how much she had changed until THIS happened:

Anne's Story:

"I never realized how much I had changed until I had a bridesmaid dress disaster a few weeks ago.

My cousin Kate's wedding was a few weeks away and the bridesmaid dresses had finally arrived.   I was a little nervous--we've all seen 27 Dresses and know just how awful a bridesmaid dress can be! 

Well, my cousin pulled out a lacy, peacock blue dress out of the bag and I thought it was gorgeous.   I put it on, started to zip up, but as it got about halfway up my back, the zipper stuck. 

Kate came around and started yanking and pulling and tightening, but it didn't budge. The dress was simply not going to fit. 

In a very quiet and tentative voice, she said, "Are you going to be okay if we order a bigger size?" 

She was afraid that my self-esteem was going to plummet simply because I needed a different letter on the tag of my dress. 

A year ago, I would have been devastated.  But a lot can change in a  year.

I thought, "The size of the dress doesn't change my body! Just because this size doesn't fit doesn't mean I need to lose weight! 

And I'm certainly not going to keep the too-small dress around as motivation to diet. 

Heaven forbid I diet and the second the wedding ends, I turn around and binge on everything I've restricted the last three months. 

Why not order a dress that fits me and and makes me look like a million bucks?" 

To Kate's compassionate question, I cheerfully answered, "Of course we should order a different size! We don't want me walking around with my dress zipped down all day! What would grandma think?" 

She laughed, and together we called the company to ask about their exchange policy.  

And that's when I realized how free I was from all the body hatred and shame that I'd struggled with for so long."

Anne is a college student in the Midwest who's thrilled to have created a healthier, happier relationship to food - and most of all, to herself.

Wow, what a story!

I love Anne's body-positive response to the bridesmaid dress.  As I considered her experience, I started thinking about numbers.

Why do we allow our identity and our worth be determined by the letter or number on our clothing? 

Some of the world's largest crimes against humanity have been when we stripped others of their names and identities, and instead we assigned them a number. 

Enough!!

Promise yourself today to stop seeing yourself as the size of your jeans or the number on the scale, and instead see yourself as a person with wants and needs, likes and dislikes. 

Be more than a number... be YOU!

Today, refuse to say anything negative about your size. Assess the size of your heart, not the size of your jeans. Count the number of your friends, not the number on the scale.

  

Today, find positive attributes of your body to focus on. 

Today, challenge the thought that you will be happier when you are skinnier. 

Today, tell yourself that you love and respect yourself. 

That's how you win the diet war! 

Hugs,

Dr. Nina