"The way people think about eating issues is sexist"

Today I'm really excited to share my interview with Ryan Sheldon, founder of Confessions Of A Binge Eater, in which he shares his journey to overcome binge eating disorder.

Here's a conversation I had with Ryan recently.

1.  Ryan, can you share your journey of struggling with binge eating to recovering from the disorder, or as I like to say, ‘liberating’ yourself?

I’ve always been a big eater, going back to childhood, and it seemed normal at that time. I was always a bigger kid, so the fact that I ate a lot didn’t seem unreasonable. Plus, I had a mother who made excuses for my eating habits: She would always say, ‘Don’t worry, Ryan. You're a growing boy.’; and she’d tell others, ‘He’s just big boned.’ So eating a lot was indoctrinated into my life, and my brain. It became normal, and then it became normal to overeat. Then it became normal to think about food all the time, obsess about it, plan meals days in advance, all while binging on fast food, and sometimes really healthy food, in between meals. Food was dominating my life, and not just eating it, but thinking about it non-stop. It’s hard to have a life with all that going.

I have been going to therapy for many years, and when I finally started talking about compulsion it led to me being diagnosed as suffering from BED. Just realizing that BED was real was life changing for me. I wasn’t ashamed any more. Talking about it has helped greatly, as well as knowing that there are many other people who suffer from this. It’s why I started blogging about it. If it helps even just one person it will be worth it.

2.  What has your biggest challenge been in terms of being a guy with an eating disorder?

Convincing people that I really was suffering from one. People just don’t think men suffer from eating disorders, and men don’t feel it’s socially acceptable to talk about it. They think women are the only ones who do suffer or should suffer from an eating disorder, because women are the emotional ones, or less able to control their emotions when they are upset or stressed, and naturally turn to food. 

I remember telling a couple friends that I had BED and they laughed, they thought I was joking. I’m a funny guy and I come across really confident, so for my friends to think that I was having real problems with food was hard for them to understand, or to take seriously.

3.  What are the biggest misconceptions about men and eating disorders?

Well, as I mentioned, people just don’t believe a guy can or should suffer from them. If a man has a big appetite people just say, ‘Well, he’s a guy.’ And if you tell them that you have an eating disorder they think you’re supposed to be really skinny or they think you are joking. They say, ‘You’re a guy, you can just work out and you will lose weight really fast.’ 

The way people think about eating issues is sexist. But eating disorders are emotional, psychological, and can affect anyone. In fact, just about half of those who suffer from BED are men. I think most of the men out there suffering from BED don’t even realize it’s a disease – they just think they are a big guy and probably eat too much. 

Women, on the other hand, are more scrutinized for their appearance and they are much more educated on eating disorder awareness. So they are more open to the idea that they or a friend may have one, and keep a watchful eye for the signs. 

No one suspects a man might have an eating disorder, too.

The result of all this is that men don’t feel it’s socially acceptable to tell anyone they are battling an eating disorder, which causes them to hide their problems even more and prevents them from starting to deal with something like BED.

4.  What misconceptions do you think people have about BED and what do you want them to know? 

They think people who suffer from BED eat a lot at every meal and are extremely overweight. In fact, most people with BED are normal weight to a little bit overweight. They are usually not obese, because, although there is no purging after the binging, there is a kind of dieting after an episode or series of episodes. People also think you are lazy or don’t care, and those are the reasons for your eating disorder. It’s such a problem. 

People need to understand that BED has nothing to do with hunger, it is a compulsive disorder. It can happen to anyone.

Ryan Sheldon is founder of Confessions of a Binge Eater, a blog he created to share about his journey with Binge Eating Disorder (BED). Ryan hopes his story will help others suffering from BED overcome shame and embarrassment, as well as gain back control over food. In particular, Ryan provides a voice for the many men struggling eating disorders while encouraging them to get help.

Ryan used to spend his days thinking about food, planning for it, and indulging in it. For years, he justified this by calling it “emotional eating” until he realized his love affair with food was spiraling out of control. Ryan was diagnosed with Binge Eating Disorder, an illness characterized by compulsive overeating. Since then, he has made it his mission to not only overcome BED but to inspire others to do the same.

Ryan is not your run-of-the-mill life coach. With an infectious personality, he uses both humor and education to help others facing adversary. Ryan finds when you add humor to a tough situation, it empowers you to stop feeling ashamed and start taking action. Join him on his journey through life with BED!

For more information on Ryan, please visit http://confessionsofabingeeater.com

or email sarah@sarahrosepr.com.

You Are NOT Your Eating Disorder

Today's guest post is from Thomas Grainger, adapted from his book, "You Are Not Your Eating Disorder: A Practical Guide To Overcoming An Eating Disorder."  An award-winning producer and filmmaker, Thomas writes from the perspective of his own experience of struggling with anorexia. He seeks to help others - including men - who struggle with anorexia and other forms of disordered eating. He recently contributed to the website Men Get Eating Disorders, Too.

(Please note:  aspects of this post may be triggering)

Here is his story:

"I was inspired. After watching the season premiere of The Biggest Loser, I wanted to be one of them. Not what the contestants looked like on day one of the program, but I wanted to be a success story, to shed the weight just as they do week in and week out. 

So I did. 

As if a light flicked somewhere inside that confused head of mine, I swapped two minute noodles doused in peanut butter, with low calorie ‘miracle’ snack bars, fruit and very little else. So began my journey to body mutilation.

Yes, I was heavily overweight at the time, but it wasn’t too long before I had orchestrated a complete 180. As The Biggest Loser contestants would weigh themselves in each week, so would I…and I lost just as much weight as they did. 

Everyone began to praise me. ‘You look fantastic Thomas’… ‘Keep up the great work’. ‘How did you manage to do it?’. For a time I reveled in the appraisals…until they began to dwindle away. 

That fat-kid-turned-skinny had transitioned into the fat kid who was too skinny, to the skinny kid who had become a walking skeleton. 

An addiction to thinness

I had become addicted to calorie counting and excessive exercise. I paid no attention to the nutrition in my food. All I cared about were the numbers going into my body, and the numbers going out. Come rain, hail or shine, you could have seen me walking, hopping, skipping, jumping or running the streets at all hours of the day, trying to keep ‘fit’.

I was miserable, but I had convinced myself that the only way to happiness was being thin. I had become yet another teenager who was caught in the unhealthy belief pattern that your body shape and size was a measurement of your likeability, your popularity, your own sense of self and joy. Yet the blunt reality is this: the more you lose, the sadder you become.

It was never as if I thought I was fat, I just was terrified of putting on any weight, and my prevention mechanism was best executed by simply losing more. I had spiraled out of control. Most individuals think anorexic people believe that they’re fat. I don’t think this is exactly the case. 

Most people with an eating disorder that are underweight, are not happy with their body shape and size. They don’t think that they’re fat, they just aren’t satisfied with where they currently are, and the more weight one loses, the more dissatisfied you become. It’s a perpetual pursuit for perfection, with perfection never being attainable because there’s always a ‘more perfect’ to reach.

A crisis of the heart

Fast track two years after I first embarked on the ‘weight loss journey’, and I was lying in the cardiac ward of Westmead Hospital in Sydney on a heart monitor. I had been admitted through the emergency department, but I couldn’t go into the regular adolescent ward because my heart rate was too unstable. Months earlier my mother had tried to have me hospitalized, but I fought and fought until agreeing on a date to enter the hospital setting once my year nine exams were completed. The day straight after my final exam I was taken to hospital. A few more weeks and who knows what would have happened to me

A nasal-gastric tube made sure I was being nourished 24/7. This was my lowest point in my eating disorder experience. This basic plastic tube was shoved down my nasal cavity and into my stomach by a group of nurses. As one nurse inserted the tube town your nose as you sat upright in bed, the other nurses would be telling you to swallow consistently. It was the most unpleasant experience I’ve had in my life so far, followed by having the same thing removed weeks later. My nose bled for several hours afterwards. I vowed that I’d never allow myself to be in this position again, and for the next month I stuffed my face whenever possible. I can remember secretly eating a bag of lollies right after breakfast, in the hope of putting on the weight even faster and getting out of the hospital. It worked. For the time being…

Dealing with weighty issues

Fast-forward two years and I was back in the hospital again. This time it wasn’t for my weight, but for the shell of a person I had become in the midst of chronic depression. No longer relying on the eating disorder to control my feelings as much as I had previously, I was left to deal with the overwhelming self-criticism that was screaming from inside that head of mine. Being surrounded by depressed people who don’t attend the therapy sessions and who sit around the same table each day chain smoking, isn’t the most uplifting or inspiring way to recover. What it did do, apart from making me feel like I was living out the film ‘One Flew Over The Cuckoos Nest’ on a perpetual cycle, every time we heard ‘medication time’, was make me realize just how many people, from all walks of life, are affected by debilitating thought patterns, addiction and self-hatred.

With more life experiences to store in that memory box of mine, I managed to pick myself up, tick all the boxes, say all the right things, which included not saying anything I wasn’t sure would be received well, and re-enter ‘normality’. I was flung into my final year of schooling to complete my High School Certificate. Everything seemed to be going well for me. I smashed my exams, landed a scholarship at The University of Technology, Sydney and was off to pursue by dreams as a Film Producer with my double degree in Communications and International Studies.

Two years later, I was back at square one. Only worse. What this demonstrated straight away, was that my eating disorder behaviours, were a product of how I saw myself, and my inner conflict with coming to terms with knowing who the hell I was. Perfectionism had led me to some really great opportunities and achievements in the past, but it had also landed me into a nasty concoction of anxiety, depression, self-abuse and a diminishing body. Now with chronic digestive issues, lymphocytic colitis, chronic anxiety, depression and osteopenia (the precursor to osteoporosis) at the age of 20, I was a complete mess.

How did I get to this place…and worse still, for the second time? I hadn’t just become a little underweight. My weight managed to plummet to an embarrassing 45kg. My Body Mass Index was 15 and I didn’t care. I was miserable.  

Choosing Life

Since restoring my body to a healthy weight and for the first time coming to love my makeup for what it is, to embrace myself for the unique and beautiful person that I am (it’s still hard to say that, but I encourage everyone to see themselves as nothing less than a beautiful human being), I have become fascinated in understanding the way we fall into these unhealthy and terribly unbalanced lifestyles. I am dedicated to helping others see their behaviours as being just as irrational, stupid and downright dangerous as mine were.

Most importantly, I hope this book will act as a vehicle to help you to love yourself and unlock the inner potential that is inside of you. Never forget how beautiful and truly special you are. There is only one you, and you only have one body. Treat it with respect. Love it and it will love you in return. 

You can buy the book here:www.eatingdisorderbook.info 

Bio:

Thomas Grainger is a creative producer and wellness coach from Sydney, Australia. After suffering from anorexia and orthorexia nervosa for several years, he was inspired to combine his expertise in digital media production with his passion for helping others overcome their debilitating personal issues, to embark on a journey of spreading an international message about self-acceptance, empowerment and body awareness.

Website: www.thomasgrainger.info

Twitter: @Tommy_Grainger

                                                *     *     *     

https://winthedietwar.com/kick-the-diet-habit-now/

 

Men & Eating Disorders

Are you a guy struggling with food, weight or body image issues?  Do you think you’re alone in this struggle?  

In this episode, Dr. Nina discusses men and eating disorders.  She explores how eating problems differ across gender lines, how men and boys feel pressured to deny certain emotions, to be muscular, and why these social and cultural expectations facilitate the development of disordered eating.  

Dr. Nina emphasizes that whatever is going on with food, the behavior is an attempt to deal with psychological conflict through a physical action.  As she puts it, "People who have eating disorders will say things like, 'it’s all about food, it’s all about losing weight, it doesn’t have to do with anything else'… but the reality is, male or female, it is about something else."  

She challenges the myths and misconceptions about male eating disorders, and provides guidance on how to deal with this issue.  

Check out this episode!