New Year, New You

Are you making New Years resolutions this year?   Lots of us intend to start making changes, such as losing weight or going to the gym more often.

We also set intentions to stop behaviors such as bingeing or making unhealthy food choices.

Somewhere along the line our resolve fizzles and, boom - we're back to where we started.  If this sounds familiar, here are some tips to make 2017 different:

#1 - Stop Trying So Hard.

Resolutions are often phrased in terms of “trying” to make changes.  I’m going to try to lose weight.  I’m going to try to be healthier. 

Keep in mind there is no trying; there is either doing or not doing (thank you, Yoda!).

If you’re trying (and failing) at your attempts to change, there is always a reason.  Here are a few common fears that are associated with trying and failing:

Fear Of Disappointment: You imagine that by changing your body, you will change your life. But, what if it doesn’t?  What if everything in your life stays exactly the same?  Maybe that’s too much to risk, so you never allow yourself to get to the point where you will be disappointed.

Fear Of Impulsivity:  You worry that if you lose weight, you will be impulsive – i.e., leave your husband or wife, or take risks at work  If so, coming to terms with such fears is a crucial step towards change.

Fear Of Objectification: You  have negative associations to intimacy or fear being seen as a "thing" instead of a person.  This is so scary that you never allow yourself to feel good about your body.

Instead of trying to lose weight, examine the underlying conflicts that prevent you from taking the best possible care of your body.

#2 - Make A Different Kind of Resolution

New Years Resolutions are often only about behaviors.   I suggest we make resolutions to shift our relationship to ourselves and change our attitudes.

• Resolve to be kinder to yourself
• Resolve to listen to your inner voice
• Resolve to prioritize your needs and wants
• Resolve to be curious, instead of critical

Resolve to stop the negative self-talk and start being supportive of yourself.   Make a list of the ways you wish other people would be towards you, such as responsive, open, supportive, and kind.  Then, be that way towards yourself.

Here's a handy little reminder for you to download and/or memorize:

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This Year I Will...

New Year... New  You?

It’s that time of year again, when people start making New Years resolutions.  Lots of people intend to make changes next year:  they're going to try to lose weight, go to the gym more often, eat healthier – or they intend to stop self-defeating behavior such as bingeing, restricting, purging, and so forth.  

Does this sound familiar?   Do you end up starting off strong and disciplined, but somewhere along the line your resolve fizzles and you're back to where you started?

Here are three ways to do things differently this year:

Stop Trying So Hard.  Resolutions are often phrased in terms of “trying” to make changes.  I’m going to try to lose weight.  I’m going to try be healthier.  Keep in mind there is no trying; there is either doing or not doing.  If you’re trying (and failing) at your attempts to change, there is a reason.  Perhaps you’re afraid, not of failure, but of success.  Fear of success usually involves anxieties about expectations, impulsivity, and/or objectification.

Expectations: You may think that by changing your body, you’ll change your life. But, what if it doesn’t?  What if everything in your life stays exactly the same?  Maybe that’s too much to risk.

Impulsivity:  Maybe you’re afraid you’ll act in an impulsive manner if you are happy with yourself – leave your husband, cheat on your wife, take risks at work, that kind of thing.  If so, dealing with the wish to do those things – and most importantly, why - is a crucial step towards change. 

Objectification: What are your associations to intimacy?  What do you fear will happen if you’re perceived as more attractive to others?

A Different Kind of Resolution:  New Years Resolutions are often only about behavior.   But, what if they were about changing your relationship to yourself, instead of changing your behavior? 

Would you be kinder to yourself, listen to your needs and wants, and be curious (not critical!)?
Make a list of the ways you wish other people would be towards you, such as responsive, open, supportive, and kind.  Then, resolve to be that way towards yourself.

It’s Not About Willpower.  If you don’t address the underlying reasons for why you’re bingeing, restricting or purging, it is difficult to stop.   You must identify and process the underlying emotions and conflicts that are leading to the disordered eating, instead of addressing the behavior itself.

Focusing on food, weight and body image issues takes you away from what you’re feeling and thinking and serves to distract, numb or express what’s going on inside.

What emotions are you protecting yourself from feeling?  Anger? Sadness?  Fear?  Anxiety?

What are your conflicts?  In what areas of your life are you torn?  Job?  Family?  Relationships?

Disordered eating is a way of coping with painful and upsetting emotions and situations.  When you identify those underlying conflicts and find new ways to respond to yourself, you make peace with food.

https://winthedietwar.com/kick-the-diet-habit-now/

New Year, New You?

New Year, New You?

It’s that time of year again, when people start making New Years resolutions.  Lots of people intend to make changes next year:  they're going to try to lose weight, go to the gym more often, eat healthier – stop bingeing, stop being bulimic, stop smoking.

Does this sound familiar?   Do you end up starting off strong and disciplined, but somewhere along the line your resolve fizzles and you're back to where you started?

Stop Trying So Hard.  Resolutions are often phrased in terms of “trying” to make changes.  I’m going to try to lose weight.  I’m going to try be healthier.  Keep in mind there is no trying; there is either doing or not doing.  If you’re trying (and failing) at your attempts to change, there is a reason.  Perhaps you’re afraid, not of failure, but of success.  Fear of success usually involves anxieties about expectations, impulsivity, or objectification.

Expectations: You may think that by changing your body, you’ll change your life. But, what if it doesn’t?  What if everything in your life stays exactly the same?  Maybe that’s too much to risk.

Impulsivity:  Maybe you’re afraid you’ll act in an impulsive manner if you are happy with yourself – leave your husband, cheat on your wife, take risks at work, that kind of thing.  If so, dealing with the wish to do those things – and most importantly, why - is a crucial step towards change. 

Objectification: What are your associations to intimacy?  What do you fear will happen if you’re perceived as more attractive to others?

A Different Kind of Resolution:  New Years Resolutions are often only about behavior.   But, what if they were about changing your relationship to yourself, instead of changing your behavior? 

Would you be kinder to yourself, listen to your needs and wants, and be curious (not critical!),

It’s Not About Willpower.  If you don’t address the underlying reasons for why you’re bingeing, restricting or purging, it is difficult to stop.   You must identify and process the underlying emotions and conflicts that are leading to the disordered eating, instead of addressing the behavior itself.

Focusing on food, weight and body image issues takes you away from what you’re feeling and thinking and serves to distract, numb or express what’s going on inside.

What emotions are you protecting yourself from feeling?  Anger? Sadness?  Fear?  Anxiety?

What are your conflicts?  In what areas of your life are you torn?  Job?  Family?  Relationships?

Disordered eating is a way of coping with painful and upsetting emotions and situations.  When you identify those underlying conflicts and find new ways to respond to yourself, you are much more likely to make peace with food for good.

https://winthedietwar.com/kick-the-diet-habit-now/