Getting Over Overeating For Teens

I'm so pleased to welcome back psychotherapist Andrea Wachter, who is sharing excerpts from her latest book.  Although this book is geared towards teenagers, it can benefit people of any age!

The following excerpts are from Getting Over Overeating for Teens by Andrea Wachter, LMFT. They are reprinted with permission from New Harbinger Publications, Inc. copyright © 2016 For more details, click here: http://www.andreawachter.com/books/

If you’ve been struggling with overeating, you’re not alone. And the most important thing to know is that it is not your fault! We live in a culture that gives us some pretty crazy messages about food, fitness, and feelings. On top of that, most teens have lots of stress dealing with friends, family, and finals. (Well, homework too, but I was on such a roll with words that start with F I figured I’d go with finals!)

Most of us, including our parents, haven’t been taught how to deal with food, fitness, and feelings in really healthy ways. We all get taught the same mixed messages—but the good news is that we can actually delete our unhealthy habits and upgrade to healthier ones.

Let’s start out with a quick definition of overeating, and how it’s different from bingeing. Overeating is when you eat more than your body needs. Even people who have a totally healthy relationship with food will overeat occasionally. It becomes a problem only if they do it too often or if it has negative consequences.

Binge eating is when someone eats a large amount of food in a short amount of time. They usually eat fast and until they are stuffed and ashamed. And they usually eat over painful emotions and thoughts, rather than out of true physical hunger.

I started overeating (and dieting, sneak eating, bingeing, and struggling with my weight) when I was a teenager. It took me a lot of years and tears to find the right kind of help, but I finally did. And now I have the privilege of teaching others (including you) all the things that helped me get over overeating.

Even though overeating can feel pretty comforting while we’re doing it, it can definitely leave us feeling pretty lousy after we’re done. And no matter how good food tastes while it’s going down, if we’re eating more than our body needs and for reasons that have nothing to do with physical hunger, it’s going to have negative effects— physically, emotionally, mentally, and socially.

Overeating is definitely one way to stuff down painful feelings. The only problem is that when we stuff down our pain, we also stuff down our passion, happiness, and excitement. It’s like damming a river; you hold back all the water, not just some of it.

Getting over overeating means getting back some of the joy, excitement, and peace that might be missing in your life. It means finding healthier ways to get sweetness and comfort. It means learning to eat foods you really love, in amounts that satisfy your body’s needs, and finding new ways to satisfy the rest of your needs.

Don’t Believe Everything You Think!

Have you ever had the experience where one minute you’re going about your day feeling fine and the next minute you have a horrible thought? It’s probably not because something horrible happened. Well, maybe something happened, but usually it’s because a horrible thought popped into your mind.

We all have automatic thoughts that pop up in our minds, just like we have pop-up ads on our computer screens. It’s so easy to believe our thoughts. After all, they are our thoughts! They seem and feel so real, but the truth is, our thoughts aren’t always real, and they sure aren’t always helpful, kind, or true. The good news is that, just like we can close those unwanted pop-up ads on our computers with a simple click, we can learn to close the pop-ups in our minds.

Filling Up Without Feeling Down

It’s pretty easy in our fast-paced world to focus on feeding our bodies and feeding our minds. But if we want to get over overeating, we also have to feed the deeper parts of ourselves that can’t be seen, the parts of us that have nothing to do with the material world—our hearts and our souls. These are places that food won’t fill. If we overfeed our bodies, we might be full, but not truly fulfilled. If we feed only our minds, we might think and learn a lot, but we won’t be really satisfied. We all need to fill our spirits too, on a regular basis. When you truly feed your spirit, you feel better afterward. You feel truly filled up, and there are no negative or harmful consequences.

Andrea Wachter is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and author of Getting Over Overeating for Teens. She is also co-author of Mirror, Mirror on the Wall: Breaking the “I Feel Fat” Spell and The Don’t Diet, Live-It Workbook. An inspirational counselor, author and speaker, Andrea uses professional expertise, humor and personal recovery to help others. For more information on her books, blogs and other services, please visit: www.andreawachter.com

Join me and 27 other EXPERTS

Introducing theMindful Eating World Summit, hosted by Dr.KelleeRutley D.C.

Take your health, your body and your MIND back!

This 14-day Virtual Event begins on March 16, 2015.

Claim your FREE virtual seat here:  http://bit.ly/1Djy5LZ

Do you have that nagging feeling, that if you just had that one illusive “secret” to unlock the door to your OWN “innate” healing powers, that you would finally reclaim your health, take back your body AND your mind? Stop the insanity of up and down weight and on and off dieting? Are you finally ready to create REAL HONEST HEALTH AND HAPPINESS?

This is about REAL health and life long vitality. No more fads, schemes and rollercoaster dieting. We know deep down that much of what we have been taught about nutrition, fitness and health is just plain wrong. It’s time to reveal the truth behind the smoke and mirrors of the “diet world” once and for all.

That's why I’m so excited to be a part of Dr. KelleeRutley’s virtual event. She’s brought together over 28 amazing POWERHOUSE experts to help you remove the guilt, shame and confusion around weight release and TRUE health – and replace that with powerful ideas that work to EMPOWER you! It’s all the information you’ve wanted, needed and have been looking for, all in one place.

We are Doctors, Educators, Scientists, Zen Masters, Psychologists, Naturopaths and Holistic Chefs (and one Psychoanalyst)!   New York Times and Hay House authors, World Renowned Master Trainers and Coaches.Many of us have had our own issues with poor health and unhealthy weight rollercoasters– and our personal stories reflect that. 

Together, we’ll reach optimal health, vitality and happiness!

Join us.  Click HERE now! 

https://winthedietwar.com/kick-the-diet-habit-now/

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If it's not one thing… it's your mother.

Mothers (and all parents) do the best they can, given their individual circumstances and temperaments. Despite their best efforts and good intentions, mothers may still adversely affect their kids. The way we are mothered impacts our relationship to ourselves, which in turn influences disordered eating.   When we are unable to “mother” ourselves, to be nurturing and supportive, we may turn to (or from) food as a way of coping with painful and upsetting situations.

The following are common types of mothers:

Intrusive:  (there's a reason the word "mother" is part of the word "smother"):  Mothers who read diaries, who demand to know what their kids are doing or thinking.  This kind of mothering is often identified with anorexia, which can be seen as a way of symbolically keeping OUT intrusive questions, or dealing with boundary violations.  

Mini Me Syndrome:  These are mothers who want their children to reflect them, to live up to their own expectations of who their kids should be, instead of being interested in their individuality.  This type of mother conveys the idea that something wrong if their daughters or sons don't share their mother's mind.

For instance, a young woman who wanted to learn how to play the drums was told by her mother, "Don't be ridiculous.  I like the piano, not drums."

Another mother told her daughter, "You can't vote Republican.  We're Democrats."

These mothers could not fathom the idea that their daughters had separate wishes, ideas and beliefs. Often the only way to assert yourself is by controlling the one area that your mother cannot directly influence:  your weight.   Whether you are restricting or bingeing, this may be a way of saying, "This is my life and my body.  You can't control MY body."

Indifferent:  There are many reasons why mothers are indifferent.  Depressed mothers are incapable of summoning the kind of energy necessary to be interested and invested in their children.  Mothers who were themselves raised by indifferent parents may also be indifferent.  Mothers who had intrusive parents might swing the pendulum too far the other way, giving their kids too much space and seeming indifferent.

If your mother did not show enough interest or curiosity, you may yearn for a level of connection and mothering that is unavailable.  That emptiness may be filled with food, to provide a temporary fulfillment.

If you felt deprived of nurturing, you may also express that deprivation by restricting.  Anorexia can be a silent way of communicating your emptiness and deprivation. 

If you have ambivalence about your wish for maternal care, you may fill up on food as a way of expressing your wish for loving fulfillment, but then purge it as a way of getting rid of the humiliation of longing.

Little Girl Mothers:  These mothers pull for you to take care of them.  They often share their problems, ask for your opinions, and elicit your concern and care about their well-being.  When you are mothering your mother, however, nobody is mothering you.  That leads to a deprivation that can be expressed with restriction, or resolved by bingeing and filling an internal emptiness.

Intrusive AND indifferent:  These mothers are overly invested in certain aspects of your life, and then neglect other areas of your life, often those that need the most attention.  This inconsistency can be very confusing and may lead someone to turn away from relationships (and often, from food) or towards bulimia, which replicates the experience of being pushed in upon and then deprived.

Nurturing:  mothers who consistently show an appropriate amount of curiosity and care about their child's emotional and physical well-being, who allow their kids to have their own identities.  Whatever kind of actual mother you had, the goal is to cultivate a nurturing response to yourself.

What kind of mothering did you experience?

How did it impact your relationship to yourself?

How do you relate to your friends?  Pets?

Do you treat yourself the way you were mothered?  

Do you treat other people the way you would like to have been mothered?

Keep in mind there are two mothers; the actual mom who raised us, and the mother that we internalize.  When you can find a way to nurture, accept and support yourself, you will be less likely to use food to cope with sadness, emptiness, frustration, loneliness, or any other painful or upsetting state.

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https://winthedietwar.com/kick-the-diet-habit-now/

New Year, New You?

New Year, New You?

It’s that time of year again, when people start making New Years resolutions.  Lots of people intend to make changes next year:  they're going to try to lose weight, go to the gym more often, eat healthier – stop bingeing, stop being bulimic, stop smoking.

Does this sound familiar?   Do you end up starting off strong and disciplined, but somewhere along the line your resolve fizzles and you're back to where you started?

Stop Trying So Hard.  Resolutions are often phrased in terms of “trying” to make changes.  I’m going to try to lose weight.  I’m going to try be healthier.  Keep in mind there is no trying; there is either doing or not doing.  If you’re trying (and failing) at your attempts to change, there is a reason.  Perhaps you’re afraid, not of failure, but of success.  Fear of success usually involves anxieties about expectations, impulsivity, or objectification.

Expectations: You may think that by changing your body, you’ll change your life. But, what if it doesn’t?  What if everything in your life stays exactly the same?  Maybe that’s too much to risk.

Impulsivity:  Maybe you’re afraid you’ll act in an impulsive manner if you are happy with yourself – leave your husband, cheat on your wife, take risks at work, that kind of thing.  If so, dealing with the wish to do those things – and most importantly, why - is a crucial step towards change. 

Objectification: What are your associations to intimacy?  What do you fear will happen if you’re perceived as more attractive to others?

A Different Kind of Resolution:  New Years Resolutions are often only about behavior.   But, what if they were about changing your relationship to yourself, instead of changing your behavior? 

Would you be kinder to yourself, listen to your needs and wants, and be curious (not critical!),

It’s Not About Willpower.  If you don’t address the underlying reasons for why you’re bingeing, restricting or purging, it is difficult to stop.   You must identify and process the underlying emotions and conflicts that are leading to the disordered eating, instead of addressing the behavior itself.

Focusing on food, weight and body image issues takes you away from what you’re feeling and thinking and serves to distract, numb or express what’s going on inside.

What emotions are you protecting yourself from feeling?  Anger? Sadness?  Fear?  Anxiety?

What are your conflicts?  In what areas of your life are you torn?  Job?  Family?  Relationships?

Disordered eating is a way of coping with painful and upsetting emotions and situations.  When you identify those underlying conflicts and find new ways to respond to yourself, you are much more likely to make peace with food for good.

https://winthedietwar.com/kick-the-diet-habit-now/