We’re human beings,
not human doings!
Our society values
productivity and accomplishment. If you grow up in a family (and a culture)
that is primarily or solely interested in what you're doing, accomplishing and achieving, you learn to value yourself by being productive;
it becomes the basis of self-esteem.
When others express
interest only in your accomplishments, you learn to value yourself only for what
you have achieved. When others dismiss
or devalue your feelings, you learn to do the same. Feelings become frightening and a source of
anxiety. Disordered eating is a way of coping with those feelings. So is staying busy and focused on
achievements.
Doing can serve as a distraction from your
emotions. It can take the form of:
*Working all the time
*Going online all the
time
*Going to the gym
*Running errands
*Having the TV on all
the time
*Going out and seeing
friends all the time
*Thinking about what
you need to do next/making lists
*Thinking about
calories, fat grams, the number on the scale
Being puts you in
touch with your emotions. It looks like this:
*Being alone
*Staying aware of thoughts and feelings
*Comforting and soothing yourself with words
*Relaxing
How do you keep busy?
How did you learn to
use “doing” to escape “feeling”?
What happens if you
are alone with yourself?
What are you afraid
you might think?
What are you afraid
you might feel?
When you can "be" with yourself and process any feelings or conflicts you might experience, you are less vulnerable to turning to (or from) food to distract yourself from those uncomfortable states.
* * * * *
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4 comments:
Great suggestions! Ilissa Banhazl, MFT Glendora
Thank you so much, Ilissa!
Ive been reading your posts and listening to your podcasts recently and it's really opening my eyes to why I use my ED behaviors. I can identify with 'doing' stuff to keep myself distracted, like things you mentioned in the post: constantly keeping music on or streaming Netflix while surfing the internet or playing on my phone. I think I must use my ED behaviors in a similar way. I have been learning so much about myself in the past few weeks, thanks so much for your posts and podcasts:)
Krista
Krista, thanks so much for sharing your experience. I'm so glad that the blog and podcasts are helping you understand yourself on a deeper level. Best of luck to you and remember, there is always hope!
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