Crack The Code To Emotional Eating

How do you crack the code of emotional eating?  By changing the way you respond to your emotions!

Last weekend I had the honor of speaking at an uplifting, fabulous event in Santa Monica, celebrating self-acceptance and honoring Mental Health Awareness Month.  For those of you who couldn't be there, I wanted to bring the event to you!

Click my photo or click HERE to watch the video!   

For those of you who'd rather read the speech, here's what I said:

"I want to tell you this thing that happened...  I’m in the park and there are these two toddlers – a little girl and a little boy – and they’re playing in the sand, digging, sifting, eating sand, having a great time. 

All of a sudden the boy gets up and runs off.  He just takes off - with the shovel.  

The little girl bursts into tears.  She’s upset – her friend took off and she’s sad.  And here comes mom, running up, “Don’t cry!  Don’t cry!  It’s okay!”

Of course she keeps crying, because... well, we've all been there, right?  You're hanging out with someone, thinking everything is going great, you're getting along, and then suddenly they're gone.  So she's upset.

And mom’s digging in her diaper bag, saying, “Stop crying, it’s okay,” and then she says, “Here, have a cookie.” (yikes)

What did that little girl learn?  She learned that feelings cause other people to be anxious and upset and she should not cry.  But if she absolutely can’t stop herself, a cookie will do the trick. 

Hello, disordered eating in the future. 

So what does this have to do with self-acceptance and mental health?  Well, when we talk about mental health, we’re often talking about emotional health.  Only we’ve got a problem in this country, because we make emotions into a bad, scary thing.

You’re considered weak if you feel your emotions and strong if you don’t.  How does that even make sense?  Doesn’t it take a lot of strength to deal with painful, difficult emotions?

Here’s the thing:  cookies don’t take away feelings.   You can’t stuff feelings down, you can’t starve them away, purge them, drink them away, gamble them away, work them away, let them go, or use positive thinking to get rid of them.  

There’s only ONE WAY to get rid of feelings.  

That little girl in the sandbox?   If her mother had just said, “Yeah, honey, that hurts.  It’s hard when people leave you and take your stuff.”  If she’d said that, then the girl would have had a good cry and felt better.

That’s how you get rid of feelings.  As counterintuitive as it may seem, the only way to get rid of feelings is to actually FEEL them.

We need to accept that feelings are reactions to situations and not character flaws.   If you get mad, you’re not an angry person; you’re a person who’s angry.

We need to accept our emotions and give them our attention, not our condemnation.

We must accept tears.

Accept our fears.

Accept everything we feel, today and every day, because ultimately emotions are NOT a sign that you are weak. They are a sign that you are human. 

By accepting your feeling, you accept your humanity.  And that’s a healthy outlook!"

What are you going to do today to accept yourself?   Share by replying to this post!

Once again, here's the link to the speech: Watch it here. 

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www.winthedietwar.com

How To Get Rid Of Feelings

Ever wish you could just be DONE with painful, difficult, upsetting emotions?

You can't eat them away, starve them away, purge them, let them go or ignore them.  There's only one way to get rid of feelings.  WATCH NOW to and find our how!

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https://winthedietwar.com/kick-the-diet-habit-now/

The "F" Word (It's not what you think)

If you struggle to identify and process your emotions, you're more likely to turn to food for comfort or distraction.  In this episode, Dr. Nina explains that the only way to get rid of feelings is to actually FEEL them. She demonstrates the difference between thinking about your emotions and expressing them. When you can identify and process what's going on inside, you won't use food to cope!

Remember, feelings are reactions to situations, not character flaws!

Watch the video for more food for thought.

https://winthedietwar.com/kick-the-diet-habit-now/

Gain Confidence & Lose Weight

Do you think you need to lose weight in order to feel better about yourself?  It's actually the other way around.  When you gain confidence, it's easier to lose weight.  Dr. Nina explains the various aspects of self-esteem and helps identify the blocks to your self-worth so that you can feel good about yourself.

Check out this episode!

What Do You Want To Lose?

Check out this episode!

Do you imagine that when you lose weight, life will be better?   Whether you want to lose 10, 20, 50, 100 pounds or more, you may have some ideas that are weighing you down.  

In this episode, Dr. Nina explores what the number on the scale means to you and how it impacts your self-esteem.  By gaining confidence, you'll feel better and develop a healthier, happier relationship to food.

Stay out of your head (and the fridge)

Check out this episode!

Are you trying to think away your emotions? 

Many people use logic to try to talk themselves out of their anger, sadness, fear, anxiety and/or guilt. Problem is, what you know intellectually doesn’t affect what you feel emotionally. 

This episode helps you stop thinking and start feeling, so you’re less likely to turn to food when you're upset.

Help for helplessness over food (and life)

Helplessness*

In the span of three months, Patti lost her father to cancer and her grandmother to heart disease.  Shortly after the funerals, her brother launched a legal battle to take over their father’s estate.  Patti began to binge and was completely out of control with food. She was helpless in the face of death, and powerless to stop her brother from trying to take over the estate.  Her solution was to use anger and productivity to distract herself from the intolerable state of helplessness. 

Corinne’s insurance company made it difficult for her to have access to her benefits.  As a result, she could not see the therapist of her choice, unless she paid out of pocket.  Her challenges to the insurance company were unsuccessful and she felt powerless.  Corinne began to restrict food, which was a way of expressing her deprivation in terms of her therapist, and also a way of coping with the helplessness she felt.

Helplessness is a feeling that most people cannot bear to experience, either on its own or because it intensifies other painful or upsetting feelings.  Helplessness is defined as:  1) unable to help oneself   2) weak or dependent

3) deprived of strength or power 4) incapacitated.   The state of helplessness is connected to vulnerability and dependency, both of which can be extremely uncomfortable.

Anger, productivity, withdrawal and/or denial are ways of distracting from the intolerable state of helplessness.

Anger:   Anger is an active emotion, whereas helplessness is a passive emotion.  Like Patti, you may get angry at yourself for your weight, or be upset with yourself for what you’re eating, or the amount, as a way of avoiding your sense of helplessness.

Productivity:  Being busy is another way of turning passive to active.  Focusing on achievements, productivity, and being a slave-driver to yourself are all strategies to distract from helplessness.   Thinking about food, weight, and calories are examples of focusing on “doing” rather than “feeling.”

Withdrawal:  Withdrawal is a way of denying helplessness. Anorexia is a withdrawal from food, from wants, from needs, and usually from people.

Denial:   If you tell yourself that what makes you feel helpless “isn’t a big deal” you may be denying your true feelings in order to minimize the reality of the situation.   This is a way of dismissing your feelings.

How do you feel helpless in your life?

If you weren’t feeling helpless over food, what would you feel helpless about?

If you weren’t focused on being powerful over food and hunger, what would you be focused on?

If you weren’t trying to control food, what would you be trying to control?

*My appreciation & thanks go to Dr. Axel Hoffer and Dr. Dan Buie for their inspiring paper “Helplessness and Our War Against Feeling It”

Feelings Are All Right

                                                                                                                           
Recently Sloane (not her real name) arrived late. Before our session she had an appointment with a realtor, who got a flat tire and was over thirty minutes late - which in turn made her late for the session.    

“I’m so, so sorry,” she apologized. “I wouldn’t blame you if you were upset. It’s so rude and disrespectful for me to be this late.”

I wondered if she was upset at the realtor who kept her waiting.

“Not at all,” she shrugged. “It’s not his fault that he had a flat tire. I don’t have the right to be upset. I can’t be mad if there’s a good reason for what happened.”

Although she expected me to be upset that she was late, also for circumstances outside her control, she could not give herself the same right.

“You know what really upsets me? The bagel I ate for breakfast. Disgusting!”  She went on to criticize her weight, her lack of control and various other perceived deficiencies.

Sloane did not give herself the right to be angry that she’d been kept waiting, whatever the circumstances, and instead expressed that anger and frustration by finding fault with her body and life choices.

She denied her anger, and then took it out on herself.

Feelings are not rational.  Emotions are outside the purview of logic.   If you deny and dismiss your feelings towards other people, it’s likely that you will turn on yourself in one of the following ways: 

·      Eating to express the feelings via the action of eating (ie, expressing anger by eating something crunchy like chips, an apple, pretzels).

·      Using food for comfort (ie, eating ice cream, cookies, soothing food).

·      Redirecting your feelings by attacking your body (as in the example above).

Here are some other ways people dismiss or deny their feelings:

·      “I’m mad at the situation, not the person”

·      “I shouldn’t feel that way. “

·      “It’s wrong to be angry” or “It’s not nice to be upset”

·      “I don’t want to be an angry (depressed/anxious/) person.”

·      “So what if that bothered me?  Other people have it a lot worse!”

Do any of these statements sound familiar?  If so, give yourself the right to feel what you feel.

Feelings aren’t a reflection of your character or personality.  They are reactions to situations.

Your feelings need your attention, not your condemnation!

FREE:  Crack The Code of Emotional Eating!

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