What A Tight Bridesmaid Dress Taught Me About Body Confidence

Today's guest blog is from Anne, who struggled with binge eating and knew that dieting wasn't working for her (in fact, it only made things worse).  When she gave up dieting and started examining "why" she was eating, instead of focusing on food, everything began to shift.  She didn't realize how much she had changed until THIS happened:

Anne's Story:

"I never realized how much I had changed until I had a bridesmaid dress disaster a few weeks ago.

My cousin Kate's wedding was a few weeks away and the bridesmaid dresses had finally arrived.   I was a little nervous--we've all seen 27 Dresses and know just how awful a bridesmaid dress can be! 

Well, my cousin pulled out a lacy, peacock blue dress out of the bag and I thought it was gorgeous.   I put it on, started to zip up, but as it got about halfway up my back, the zipper stuck. 

Kate came around and started yanking and pulling and tightening, but it didn't budge. The dress was simply not going to fit. 

In a very quiet and tentative voice, she said, "Are you going to be okay if we order a bigger size?" 

She was afraid that my self-esteem was going to plummet simply because I needed a different letter on the tag of my dress. 

A year ago, I would have been devastated.  But a lot can change in a  year.

I thought, "The size of the dress doesn't change my body! Just because this size doesn't fit doesn't mean I need to lose weight! 

And I'm certainly not going to keep the too-small dress around as motivation to diet. 

Heaven forbid I diet and the second the wedding ends, I turn around and binge on everything I've restricted the last three months. 

Why not order a dress that fits me and and makes me look like a million bucks?" 

To Kate's compassionate question, I cheerfully answered, "Of course we should order a different size! We don't want me walking around with my dress zipped down all day! What would grandma think?" 

She laughed, and together we called the company to ask about their exchange policy.  

And that's when I realized how free I was from all the body hatred and shame that I'd struggled with for so long."

Anne is a college student in the Midwest who's thrilled to have created a healthier, happier relationship to food - and most of all, to herself.

Wow, what a story!

I love Anne's body-positive response to the bridesmaid dress.  As I considered her experience, I started thinking about numbers.

Why do we allow our identity and our worth be determined by the letter or number on our clothing? 

Some of the world's largest crimes against humanity have been when we stripped others of their names and identities, and instead we assigned them a number. 

Enough!!

Promise yourself today to stop seeing yourself as the size of your jeans or the number on the scale, and instead see yourself as a person with wants and needs, likes and dislikes. 

Be more than a number... be YOU!

Today, refuse to say anything negative about your size. Assess the size of your heart, not the size of your jeans. Count the number of your friends, not the number on the scale.

  

Today, find positive attributes of your body to focus on. 

Today, challenge the thought that you will be happier when you are skinnier. 

Today, tell yourself that you love and respect yourself. 

That's how you win the diet war! 

Hugs,

Dr. Nina

New Year, New YOU?

Are you making New Years resolutions this year? Something along the lines of:


 - Exercising more 

 - Eating more veggies 

 - Eating less sugar and junk food 

-       Stop bingeing

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Chances are, you’ve tried this before. You start off strong and disciplined, but your resolve fizzles. And then it's another hope-to-heartbreak year all over again. 

Here are some tips to make this year different: 


Stop Trying So Hard 


Resolutions are phrased in terms of “trying” to make changes. Do these sound familiar? 


 - I’m going to try to lose weight. 

 - I’m going to try to be healthier. 

-     I'll try to go to the gym every day. 

      


If you're a Star Wars fan, you know there is no trying; there is either doing or not doing (thank you, Yoda). 


If you’re trying (and failing) at your attempts to change, there is a reason, usually one of the following: 


Fear of Expectations: You hope that by changing your body, you’ll change your life. But what if everything in your life stays exactly the same? Maybe that’s too much to risk, so you unconsciously stop yourself from going all-in, because you're afraid of what WON'T happen when you lose weight. 


Fear of Impulsivity: Afraid you’ll act in an impulsive manner if you are happy with yourself – leave your husband, cheat on your wife, take risks at work, that kind of thing. If so, dealing with the wish to do those things – and most importantly, why - is a crucial step towards change. 


Fear of Objectification: What are your associations to intimacy? What do you fear will happen if you’re perceived as more attractive to others? 

Make A Different Kind of Resolution

New Years Resolutions are usually about behavior. What if they were about changing the way you relate to yourself? Resolve to be:


 - Kinder to yourself 

 - Listen to your needs 

 - Pay attention to your wants 

-       Be curious, not critical 

     


Make a list of the ways you wish other people would act towards you, such as responsive, open, supportive, and kind. Then, resolve to be that way towards yourself. 


Why? Because the way you treat yourself directly impacts what you eat. If you're critical and judgmental, you feel bad. If your main source of comfort is food, you're likely to eat just to get away from your own mean internal voice. 


Conversely, the nicer you are to yourself, the better you feel, and the less likely you are to eat for comfort or distraction! And that's how you make peace with food - for good!!

Dr. Nina

https://winthedietwar.com/kick-the-diet-habit-now/

How To Change Negative Thinking

Maybe you can relate to Cheryl, who's been preoccupied with her weight for years.  She's obsessed with counting calories, figuring out fat grams, and measuring her weight on a daily basis.

Recently, she found out that her sister-in-law was diagnosed with early-stage breast cancer (luckily, the prognosis is good!).  

Cheryl said,  “I feel so stupid for worrying so much about my weight.  I told myself, ‘It’s not like you’re dealing with a life and death situation.  You don’t have it so bad.  Why are you wasting time complaining?’”

She later binged on ice cream to escape what she called these “negative” thoughts.  Then she got mad at herself for eating ice cream.

A friend of mine is going through a divorce (and my goodness, it’s a nasty situation).  She recently told me how upset, scared and angry she is about her situation.  Then she apologized for “being so negative.”

How do you stop negative thinking?  

#1 Question the label

Negative means to be pessimistic, gloomy, or cynical.    That’s a general attitude and perspective on life.  Before you accuse yourself of “being negative” ask yourself whether your self-described negativity is an attitude or a description of an emotional reaction.

#2 Name the true emotions

Don’t associate character defects to emotions!   If you’re angry, that doesn’t make you an angry person.  If you’re upset, that doesn’t mean you’re a negative person. 

Cheryl was not being negative.  She was being harsh, dismissive and judgmental towards herself.

My friend was not being negative.  She was feeling anxious, scared, upset, angry and helpless. 

Experiencing painful feelings is difficult, but it doesn’t mean you’re negative or that the feelings are negative.   Feelings are a reaction to a situation.

#3   Process, process, process

You can’t stuff down emotions, can’t starve them away, let them go, drop them or ignore them.  The only way to get rid of feeling is to actually feel them. 

If you’re upset, express it.  Cry, yell, journal, talk to someone who understands, and allow yourself to process what’s going on.  Click here for 25 strategies to cope with emotions (without food).

#4 Don’t compare yourself to others

Cheryl attacked herself for having concerns about her weight, because her sister in law was dealing with a significant health situation.  It’s one thing to have perspective and it’s another to bash yourself just because you’re upset about circumstances that are different from others.

If you break an arm and someone else breaks two arms, do you have less of a right to be upset about your broken arm just because someone else broke both arms?  Nope!  You get to be upset that you broke your arm AND possibly be grateful that it’s one and not both. 

So, how do you stop negative thinking?  You stop thinking about your thoughts, emotions, reactions, and wishes as negative!

Your feelings and thoughts need your attention, not your condemnation.

When you identify, acknowledge and process what’s going on, you won’t use food for comfort or distraction.  And that's how you make peace with food - for good!   

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https://winthedietwar.com/kick-the-diet-habit-now/

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What You NEED to Know About Comfort Food

Ever wonder, "Why food?" 

Dr. Nina explains WHY you use food to cope and she tells you exactly what you need to do to change. Watch now!

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https://winthedietwar.com/kick-the-diet-habit-now/

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Do You Find This Pretty Annoying?

If you're sick of people telling you that you have "such a pretty face" and if you just lost weight, you'd be dating up a storm, then watch this video! 


If your relationship to food is causing you pain, whether it's bingeing, bingeing and purging, or restricting, there is a reason.  That reason may be out of awareness but it is still impacting you.  


When you figure out what lies beneath, you can take steps to address those underlying emotions and conflicts ('cause it's not just about emotions!!) and take steps to change.


Dr. Nina helps you win the diet war by making peace with yourself.

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https://winthedietwar.com/kick-the-diet-habit-now/