What A Tight Bridesmaid Dress Taught Me About Body Confidence

Today's guest blog is from Anne, who struggled with binge eating and knew that dieting wasn't working for her (in fact, it only made things worse).  When she gave up dieting and started examining "why" she was eating, instead of focusing on food, everything began to shift.  She didn't realize how much she had changed until THIS happened:

Anne's Story:

"I never realized how much I had changed until I had a bridesmaid dress disaster a few weeks ago.

My cousin Kate's wedding was a few weeks away and the bridesmaid dresses had finally arrived.   I was a little nervous--we've all seen 27 Dresses and know just how awful a bridesmaid dress can be! 

Well, my cousin pulled out a lacy, peacock blue dress out of the bag and I thought it was gorgeous.   I put it on, started to zip up, but as it got about halfway up my back, the zipper stuck. 

Kate came around and started yanking and pulling and tightening, but it didn't budge. The dress was simply not going to fit. 

In a very quiet and tentative voice, she said, "Are you going to be okay if we order a bigger size?" 

She was afraid that my self-esteem was going to plummet simply because I needed a different letter on the tag of my dress. 

A year ago, I would have been devastated.  But a lot can change in a  year.

I thought, "The size of the dress doesn't change my body! Just because this size doesn't fit doesn't mean I need to lose weight! 

And I'm certainly not going to keep the too-small dress around as motivation to diet. 

Heaven forbid I diet and the second the wedding ends, I turn around and binge on everything I've restricted the last three months. 

Why not order a dress that fits me and and makes me look like a million bucks?" 

To Kate's compassionate question, I cheerfully answered, "Of course we should order a different size! We don't want me walking around with my dress zipped down all day! What would grandma think?" 

She laughed, and together we called the company to ask about their exchange policy.  

And that's when I realized how free I was from all the body hatred and shame that I'd struggled with for so long."

Anne is a college student in the Midwest who's thrilled to have created a healthier, happier relationship to food - and most of all, to herself.

Wow, what a story!

I love Anne's body-positive response to the bridesmaid dress.  As I considered her experience, I started thinking about numbers.

Why do we allow our identity and our worth be determined by the letter or number on our clothing? 

Some of the world's largest crimes against humanity have been when we stripped others of their names and identities, and instead we assigned them a number. 

Enough!!

Promise yourself today to stop seeing yourself as the size of your jeans or the number on the scale, and instead see yourself as a person with wants and needs, likes and dislikes. 

Be more than a number... be YOU!

Today, refuse to say anything negative about your size. Assess the size of your heart, not the size of your jeans. Count the number of your friends, not the number on the scale.

  

Today, find positive attributes of your body to focus on. 

Today, challenge the thought that you will be happier when you are skinnier. 

Today, tell yourself that you love and respect yourself. 

That's how you win the diet war! 

Hugs,

Dr. Nina

Don't Eat Humble Pie!

Are you too humble?

It's one thing to be humble - to be modest and give a low estimation of your value.

It's another thing to devalue yourself, underestimate yourself or be too quick to point out perceived faults and flaws.

How do you talk to yourself or about yourself?

"I can't be seen in public until I lose weight."

"I'm such an idiot."

"I can't believe I went out with that guy.  I'm a loser." 

Does that sound familiar?  Are you overly humble and self-critical?  When you talk about yourself, are you referring to your physical, emotional, intellectual, or relational self?  

If you only define yourself by what you look like, or put yourself down for perceived deficits, you're missing the whole picture. When you appreciate all your qualities, your view of yourself will change. 

A pie chart is a great way of seeing the whole you.

List the qualities about yourself that have nothing to do with your physicality.  Include things you like as well as things you don't like about yourself:  e.g., smart, funny, creative, warm, compassionate, loving, shy, spirited, zealous, bossy.

Then divide the pie below to represent each of these qualities.

Follow the example and list the qualities about yourself in the following categories:

Emotional                  Intellectual               Relational                  Other (not physical)

______________         ______________       ______________        _____________

______________         ______________       ______________        _____________

______________         ______________       ______________        _____________

______________         ______________       ______________        _____________

______________         ______________       ______________        _____________

______________         ______________       ______________        _____________

______________         ______________       ______________        _____________

Now, divide up the qualities on the pie chart below.

How does it feel to look at this chart?  What do you notice about this perspective of yourself?  What surprises you?   Is your mind conflicted between acceptance and indifference?  Why?

Having a more realistic self-concept facilitates self-acceptance.  When you appreciate who you are as a person, you feel better about yourself.  And when you feel better, you’re less likely to turn to (or from) food for comfort or distraction from uncomfortable thoughts and emotions about yourself.

Am I The Fattest One Here?

Is this your worst nightmare?

Do you avoid parties and other social events because you’re afraid you’ll be the biggest person in the room? Are you self-conscious and afraid you won’t fit in? Comparing yourself to others makes you feel bad, which leads to overeating.


In this episode, Dr. Nina helps you shift focus from your physical size to the size of your self-esteem."

Check out this episode!

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Is She Skinnier Than Me?

Is She Skinnier Than Me?

A few days ago I was at a park and there were a bunch of middle-school girls selling lemonade and cookies at a stand.  I got in line for lemonade and couldn’t help but overhear what the girls were talking about.  One girl who was wearing all black was saying that some other girl named Kiley (who wasn’t there) had lost weight at gymnastics camp over the summer.  Goth girl said, “Is she skinnier than me?”

This began a whole debate about who was skinnier than whom.  They compared the sizes of their jeans, the space between the thighs (the thigh gap) and complained about not being able to see their hipbones.

Then one of them said, “Well, Kiley may be skinny but she still needs a nose job.”

It occurred to me that the smallest part of these girls was their self-confidence, which seemed to be solely based on their weight and appearance in comparison to other girls. 

Sound familiar?  Do you compare yourself to others and constantly feel as if you fall short? 

Or do you feel superior when you make comparisons?   Recently someone confided at how superior she felt when she saw another women eating dinner at a restaurant.  She scoffed, “I thought she was so weak.  I felt so strong in comparison.”

This woman thought her ability to deprive herself and use willpower to not “give in” to the need to eat made her strong.  This is a pyrrhic victory, one that causes suffering in the long run.

To stop comparing yourself to others, it’s important to challenge the ideas about yourself that negatively impact your self esteem.  When you feel good about yourself, you’re less likely to turn to (or from) food for comfort or distraction, or to prove anything about yourself.

What does "skinny" mean to you?  How does it make you better?

Where did you get the idea that you’re not good enough as you are?

What do you think needs to change?  Weight?  Marital status?  Employment status? 

What makes you think that depriving yourself reflects strength of character?

Think of someone you compare yourself to unfavorably?  What do you imagine would change if you had her (or his) looks, weight, life? 

What aspects of yourself – physical, intellectual, mental, emotional – do you feel good about?

What makes you happy?

Theodore Roosevelt once said, "Comparison is the thief of joy."   When you stop comparing yourself to others and start accepting yourself, then you can let joy into your life.  And when you are more joyful and feel good about yourself, you're less likely to use food for comfort or distraction!

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Legal Disclaimer:  The content on this site is for educational and informational purposes only.  It is not intended as psychotherapy or as a substitute for psychotherapy advice, diagnosis or treatment.

Be A Diet Wiz

Do you think you should be smarter, more compassionate or take more risks?  Do you keep parts of yourself hidden from friends or family?  

If so, the characters from The Wizard Of Oz can inspire you to challenge the negative or incorrect ideas you have about yourself.  

When you feel better, it’s easier to make better food choices and lose weight.

Check out this episode!

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winthedietwar.com/new-ktdh-sales-page/

Gain Confidence & Lose Weight

Do you think you need to lose weight in order to feel better about yourself?  It's actually the other way around.  When you gain confidence, it's easier to lose weight.  Dr. Nina explains the various aspects of self-esteem and helps identify the blocks to your self-worth so that you can feel good about yourself.

Check out this episode!