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What's the main cause of anxiety over the holidays?
Family, definitely. And, food.
The holidays start with Thanksgiving (at
least they do in the United States) and Thanksgiving is often referred to
as “National Binge Day” – the whole day is a tribute to excess.
You’re expected to overeat. It’s even considered bad manners not to try
everything on the table. If you struggle with food, this
can be extremely challenging.
Another problem with the holidays is everyone talks about food. A lot.
Some relatives get offended if you don’t try
everything. Someone will say, “I know
you’re watching your weight but you’re just GOT to try my pecan pie. One bite won’t hurt you. Go on, have some.”
And then there are the people who watch
every bite they eat – and every bite YOU eat.
They say, “Oh, I shouldn’t have this.” Or worse, “Do you think you should eat
that? Do you really need that?”
And then there are people who talk about
food as if it’s a person. “Oh, what a beautiful
turkey. What a gorgeous ham. Everything looks beautiful. I’m so in love with this meal.”
Personally, I don’t think food is beautiful
or gorgeous. People are beautiful
(inside and out).
Love belongs to relationships between
humans. You love your husband, your
wife, your girlfriend, boyfriend, your kids, your parents. Food isn’t worthy of your love.
All this focus on food can lead to a lot of
stress – you’re anxious, upset, and sad – and if you don’t have other
strategies to deal with those stressful emotion, that makes you more vulnerable
to using food to cope.
So it can be a vicious cycle. The key is to learn to express feelings in
words, instead of behavior.
How do you stop the cycle?
People often think they are triggered by food but
they’re not. They’re usually triggered
by situations and experiences that are painful or upsetting, and make them want
to turn to food to cope – to numb, or distract from what’s upsetting them.
Start by asking yourself some
questions:
*What is the most difficult part of the
holidays? Food? Family? Lack of family?
*What do you like about the holiday season? What do you dislike?
*What helps during this time?
*What doesn’t help?
*What are the emotional triggers?
This helps you understand yourself better
and know what your true triggers are – situational and emotional. When you deal with and process those
situations and feelings directly, you won’t use food as a coping strategy.
What is my top survival tip for the holidays?
Be a social
anthropologist.
When you're watching and observing, you're not a participant. Observing means creating some distance and that distance can be very illuminating.
When you hear your mom or dad or grandparents criticize your sister or brother or cousin, or even themselves, you can see more clearly how you learned to criticize yourself.
When you hear your mom or dad or grandparents criticize your sister or brother or cousin, or even themselves, you can see more clearly how you learned to criticize yourself.
When you realize that your mother
apologizes for every bite she eats, you’ll recognize how you learned to feel
guilty for every bite you take.
It doesn’t matter whether you
celebrate Christmas or Hannukah or Kwanza, or nothing, pay attention to what’s
going on around you.
Which category does everyone at the
table fit into? Are they drunk, jealous,
show-offs, or relentlessly perfect?
What do you like about them? What do you appreciate? What do you dislike? Give yourself permission to hold the positive
and negatives about others – it’ll make it easier to hold both about yourself.
Do you like people better because
they’re thin? Probably not.
When you’re observing others, you
don’t feel as much under observation.
That makes you feel less self-conscious, and you feel better. When you feel better, you’re less likely to
use food to cope.
Add some gratitude!
It’s the
holidays, and ultimately the holidays are about gratitude, so be grateful. Think of one
thing you appreciate; whether it’s a person or a situation, because hanging
onto one good thing can keep you going when things are challenging.
And with that in
mind, be grateful for yourself, and practice self-acceptance and self-care. You’ll feel better, and when you feel better,
you’re less likely to use food to cope.
And as I like to say to my listeners and viewers, that’s how you win the
diet war.
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