How To Get Over A Mistake

When's the last time you made a mistake?  

Recently, to my dismay, I discovered a typo on the "thank you" pop-up on my mailing list opt-in.  Instead of "Welcome" it read "Wecome."  

Since thousands of people subscribed to the list (including many of you, dear readers) that meant THOUSANDS of people saw the error.

Eeeek.  
Cringe.  
Total mortification.

How could I have missed it?
What would people think?
Yes, I went to that worst place scenario, imagining people would be completely put off and might think less of me.

I confided my concerns to a friend.  She started to laugh.

"I'm so relieved," she said.  "You actually are human."

She went on to tell me that my error, although understandably upsetting, made me seem more accessible and fallible in her eyes, which from her perspective was a good thing.  And she reminded me that all those subscribers still... well, subscribed.

It's easy to lose perspective and feel as if a relatively minor mistake is huge.  In my case, I realized I had highlighted the typo and minimized the overall value I strive to bring to subscribers.

Worrying makes things worse.

Stop obsessing about what happened:  Worrying about a mistake can lead to negative self-talk and an expectation of perfectionism, both of which affect self-esteem.  When you feel bad about yourself, you're more likely to use disordered eating as an escape, for comfort, or as punishment.

Start learning from it:  Figuring out what you can do to prevent another error (double proof-readers for me!) is important.

I often reassure people that it's okay to mess up, screw up, forget or just plain fail.  This experience forced me to put my beliefs into action.

Food for thought:

What does it mean to make a mistake?


What do you feel when you've made an error?


What is your inner judge telling you?


What would you tell a friend in a similar situation?


How bad is it in the overall scheme of things?


The next time you make a mistake (which is part of life and therefore inevitable), keep this in mind:

You made a mistake.  You are not a mistake.

And then give your perfectly-imperfect self a break!

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https://winthedietwar.com/kick-the-diet-habit-now/

How To Survive The Holidays - Part 2

CLICK HERE to listen to the interview.

What's the main cause of anxiety over the holidays?

Family, definitely.  And, food. 

The holidays start with Thanksgiving (at least they do in the United States) and Thanksgiving is often referred to as “National Binge Day” – the whole day is a tribute to excess. 

You’re expected to overeat.  It’s even considered bad manners not to try everything on the table.  If you struggle with food, this can be extremely challenging.

Another problem with the holidays is everyone talks about food.  A lot.

Some relatives get offended if you don’t try everything.  Someone will say, “I know you’re watching your weight but you’re just GOT to try my pecan pie.  One bite won’t hurt you.  Go on, have some.”

And then there are the people who watch every bite they eat – and every bite YOU eat.

They say, “Oh, I shouldn’t have this.”  Or worse, “Do you think you should eat that?  Do you really need that?”

And then there are people who talk about food as if it’s a person.  “Oh, what a beautiful turkey.  What a gorgeous ham.  Everything looks beautiful.  I’m so in love with this meal.”

Personally, I don’t think food is beautiful or gorgeous.  People are beautiful (inside and out).

Love belongs to relationships between humans.  You love your husband, your wife, your girlfriend, boyfriend, your kids, your parents.  Food isn’t worthy of your love.

All this focus on food can lead to a lot of stress – you’re anxious, upset, and sad – and if you don’t have other strategies to deal with those stressful emotion, that makes you more vulnerable to using food to cope. 

So it can be a vicious cycle.  The key is to learn to express feelings in words, instead of behavior.

How do you stop the cycle?

People often think they are triggered by food but they’re not.  They’re usually triggered by situations and experiences that are painful or upsetting, and make them want to turn to food to cope – to numb, or distract from what’s upsetting them.

Start by asking yourself some questions:

*What is the most difficult part of the holidays?  Food?  Family?  Lack of family?

*What do you like about the holiday season?  What do you dislike?

*What helps during this time?

*What doesn’t help?

*What are the emotional triggers?

This helps you understand yourself better and know what your true triggers are – situational and emotional.  When you deal with and process those situations and feelings directly, you won’t use food as a coping strategy.

What is my top survival tip for the holidays?

Be a social anthropologist.    

When you're watching and observing, you're not a participant.  Observing means creating some distance and that distance can be very illuminating.

When you hear your mom or dad or grandparents criticize your sister or brother or cousin, or even themselves, you can see more clearly how you learned to criticize yourself. 

When you realize that your mother apologizes for every bite she eats, you’ll recognize how you learned to feel guilty for every bite you take.

It doesn’t matter whether you celebrate Christmas or Hannukah or Kwanza, or nothing, pay attention to what’s going on around you.

Which category does everyone at the table fit into?  Are they drunk, jealous, show-offs, or relentlessly perfect?

What do you like about them?  What do you appreciate?  What do you dislike?  Give yourself permission to hold the positive and negatives about others – it’ll make it easier to hold both about yourself.

Do you like people better because they’re thin?  Probably not.

When you’re observing others, you don’t feel as much under observation.  That makes you feel less self-conscious, and you feel better.  When you feel better, you’re less likely to use food to cope.

Add some gratitude!

It’s the holidays, and ultimately the holidays are about gratitude, so be grateful.  Think of one thing you appreciate; whether it’s a person or a situation, because hanging onto one good thing can keep you going when things are challenging.   

And with that in mind, be grateful for yourself, and practice self-acceptance and self-care.  You’ll feel better, and when you feel better, you’re less likely to use food to cope.  And as I like to say to my listeners and viewers, that’s how you win the diet war.

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https://winthedietwar.com/kick-the-diet-habit-now/

Take a deep breath!

WHAT IS YOUR OXYGEN?

Have you taken a plane lately? Flight attendants always tell passengers, “Parents, if you are traveling with your children and the oxygen masks drop, place a mask over yourself first, before attending to your children.”  

If you give your oxygen away, you’re of no use to others (and you are likely to suffocate).  This can be understood as a metaphor about meeting your own needs, versus taking care of others.  

When you are deprived of basic emotional needs, such as love, connection, understanding and comfort, you may turn to food to symbolically meet those needs.  Alternately, you may turn away from food as a way of expressing how deprived you feel.

What is your “oxygen?”

What are you depriving yourself of (but giving away to others)?

What do you need more of in your life?

How do you make yourself available to others?

Do you let others take care of you?  If so, what does that stir up in you?   If not, what stops you?

When you were growing up, what were you taught about self-sacrifice?  (ie, was it noble?)

What is the difference between being selfish and practicing self-care?

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Legal Disclaimer:  The content on this site is for educational and informational purposes only.  It is not intended as psychotherapy or as a substitute for psychotherapy advice, diagnosis or treatment.