The Monster Inside My Head

Guest Post written by John Bukenas

"I have been on a quest to lose weight for over 30 years. And like most people, I’ve tried every diet plan, every lose weight quick pill.  And they would work at first, but nothing stuck.  

You know the deal, lose 25 and gain 35.  Adding 10 pounds a year to your frame can really take a toll on you in 20 years.

In 2011 I was totally out of control.  I was almost 500 pounds, I couldn’t walk a hundred yards without being in pain and out of breath.  

I decide to try again.  But this time it would be different.  I would do research, stay focused, learn what went wrong in the past.  And as usual, it worked. For awhile, but this time the difference was I decided to go public.  I decided for accountability I would start a podcast and maybe others would come along for the journey.

The podcast is a blessing and a curse.  A blessing because of the wonderful people that have come into my life.  A curse because failing publicly is so embarrassing.

Because of my podcast I had lost 108 pounds.  

I learned more about nutrition, and exercise but there is still something out there that I have not figured out.  It’s the why?

Why do I overeat?  Why do I medicate with food?  Why does nothing else I’ve tried not ease the my stress, my negative feelings?

I’ve tried meditation, tapping or Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT), journaling.  Nothing seems to work as well as food.  And as I write this I realize how silly it sounds. Because as soon as there was stress and pressure in my life everything I learned went right out the window. So I realized.

There is a monster inside my head.

This monster is killing me and I don’t know how to stop it.  For years I secretly fought it, but it always won.  Because the monster knows me better then I know myself.  If I build a defense, it knows just how to counterattack.  It’s patient, it’s relentless, and after a year of battling It’s won.  I gained all my weight back, I have stopped podcasting.  

Because I don’t have any answers.  I could go on every week and tell you about all the new research that has come out.  I could show you all the great technology there is to help monitor diet and exercise.  And I could interview others who have successful, and how they accomplished their goals.  But that is not why I started the podcast.  It was to come up with answers and a plan to have success.

So I’ve been trying a new plan.

I’m trying to make peace with the monster inside of my head.  It’s not easy, we hate each other.  But my conscious is no match for my subconscious.  I realize I am so mean to myself.  I demand perfection.  If I make a mistake, I really attack.  I say, “I know better, I’m weak, I’m lazy, I’m worthless.”  This attack on myself starts the depression spiral.  Then it starts over again.

I don’t do this with anyone else.  I don’t expect perfection from others because I know it’s unrealistic.

So I’m starting again.  I promise to be kind to myself.  To be understanding.  To forgive my past failures and put it in the past.  To reach out for help when I’m struggling.  And to be there for others who struggle.

Then it hit me.  I realize the monster I’ve been fighting actually loves me.  The monster hates it when I attack myself, it wants me to feel better.  The monster and I just need to figure out how to do that without food.  Because failure is not an option."

John Bukenas hosts the Let’s Reverse Obesity Podcast.

John’s contact information can be found at http://letsreverseobesity.com  

3 Ways To Stop Overeating

Whatever is going on with food is NOT about willpower. Overeating is a “symptom” of the problem; it’s not true real problem – even though it feels like it’s “the” problem.

In this episode, Dr. Nina provides guidance and solutions on how to stop overeating in three specific problem situations.

Remember, you’re not a food addict, you don’t lack willpower, and there’s nothing wrong with you. Overeating is a way of coping with difficult and/or painful situations. It’s a way of helping yourself that ends up hurting more than it helps.

Overeating stops when you identify and process the underlying emotions and conflicts that cause problems, and when you relate to yourself in a new way. After all, when you can feel your feelings, you don’t need distraction from them. And that’s how you win the diet war.

Check out this episode!

Weigh Your Words (skip the scale)

Check out this episode!

When you're upset, do you tell yourself to look on the bright side?   If so, you may be making things worse instead of better.  

In this episode, Dr. Nina explains the ways you may be dismissing yourself and offers suggestions on how to respond differently to yourself and how to tolerate difficult emotions.

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Five Ways You’re Sabotaging Your Diet (with words)

Listen now!!

How do you talk to yourself?  Do you say mean things that you’d never say to a friend, partner, spouse or child?  If so, it’s affecting how you feel – and how you eat.  In this episode, Dr. Nina describes five ways you're sabotaging your diet, all having to do with the way you talk to yourself.

Check out this episode!

Differentiating Obesity from Binge Eating Disorder

I recently wrote a guest blog for The Weight Loss Show, Dubai.  Check it out (and check out the Weight Loss Show, too)!

Differentiating Obesity from Binge Eating Disorder: Four Things You Need To Know

Posted on April 15, 2013

Are you a Binge Eater? You’re not overweight, nor obese, so you couldn’t possibly suffer from Binge Eating Disorder. THINK AGAIN! For a long time, it has been thought that it is simply overweight and obese people who are the ones affected by Binge Eating Disorder.

However, The Weight Loss Show recently caught up with Dr. Nina Savelle-Rocklin, Psy.D., who is a psychoanalyst specialising in disordered eating, and she discussed with us how we need to differentiate Binge Eating Disorder from Obesity, and raise awareness on how this issue can affect everyone, no matter what their size. Here’s what Dr. Nina had to say.

Binge Eating Disorder (or BED) has made headlines ever since theDSM-V, the latest version of the Diagnostic Statistical Manual (published May 2013), recognized it as a clinical eating disorder. But as strange as it may sound, bingeing isn’t really about weight.

My patient Mary is 100 pounds overweight and has tried to lose weight for years. In an effort to cut calories, she skips breakfast and lunch. She’s so hungry by the time she leaves work that she goes straight to the drive-through and eats fast food every night. Mary is obese (more than 20 percent above her ideal body weight) but she doesn’t have binge eating disorder.

Dani secretly eats 30 stalks of celery or a hug bag of carrots, a few times a week, sometimes followed by ice cream. She’s very ashamed of her behavior. Dani is a normal weight and she does suffer from binge eating disorder. How is this possible?

1.  If I’m overweight or obese, does that mean I have binge eating disorder?

The answer is… maybe, but not necessarily. Obesity is a physical condition that may result from many factors, including poor eating habits, heredity and culture.

Mary makes poor food choices, which why she is obese. Some people don’t have the time to cook nutritious food. They may not know what’s healthy and eat meals high in calories and fat. Others may be genetically prone to being at a heavier weight or may not get enough exercise. All these factors can cause obesity, but they aren’t indications of disordered eating.

Binge eating disorder, on the other hand, is a complex psychological condition. Men and women who struggle with bingeing use food to distract from painful or upsetting thoughts, emotions and conflicts. They may be obese, overweight, or even be within a normal weight range.

2.  What’s the difference between overeating and bingeing?

Overeating simply means, “eating to excess”. There are varied causes of overeating (many Americans overeat on Thanksgiving, for example) that generally have to do with food itself, not feelings. Binge eating disorder is a way of coping with difficult feelings by turning to food.

According to the DSM-V, binge eating disorder is characterized by the following:

• Recurrent episodes of binge eating occurring at least once a week for three months
• Eating a larger amount of food than normal during a short time frame (any two-hour period)
• Lack of control over eating during the binge episode (feeling as if you can’t stop eating or can’t control what or how much you are eating)

Binge eating episodes are associated with three or more of the following:

• Eating until feeling uncomfortably full
• Eating large amounts of food when not physically hungry
• Eating much more rapidly than normal
• Eating alone out of embarrassment over quantity eaten
• Feeling disgusted, depressed, ashamed, or guilty after overeating

For someone struggling with binge eating, the behavior with food expresses an underlying issue, conflict or problem. For Dani, bingeing on celery, carrots or ice cream was her way of managing difficult emotions. Bingeing feels like “the” problem, but it is actually a “symptom” of a deeper problem or conflict, such as these examples:

• Loneliness – Food symbolically fills an internal emptiness
• Needs & Wants – If you’re starving for love or hungry for affection, it can be easier to turn to food
• Comfort – If you’re sad, anxious or upset and nobody is there to soothe you, food often does the trick
• Distraction – Focusing on food or weight often distracts from other troubling emotions that you might feel towards people or about situations you can’t control

3. What can I do to overcome binge eating?

Recovering from binge eating disorder isn’t about your weight, nor is the number on the weighing scales the main indication of successful treatment. You can achieve a normal weight without changing the underlying conflicts that make you turn to food in the first place.

That is why diets don’t work. Diets deal with what and how much you are eating, rather than why you’re eating.

When you identify and work through the underlying conflicts and emotions that lead to bingeing, you’re less likely to turn to food.

For example, many people have a hard time expressing anger towards others, but find it easy to be mad at themselves for their weight. When they learn to identify and express those upset feelings towards others, they stop using food as way of turning that anger towards themselves.

4.  What resources are available to help with binge eating?

Bingeing can be a shameful and secretive behavior but there is help available.  You can learn to change your unhealthy, unhappy relationship to food and feel better.

BEDA – Binge Eating Disorder Association: www.bedaonline.com

Men Get Eating Disorders, Too: www.mengetedstoo.co.uk

ANAD: www.anad.org/get-information/about-eating-disorders/binge-eating-disorder/

Eating Disorder Hope: www.eatingdisorderhope.com/

EDReferral.com: www.edreferral.com/binge_eating_disorder.htm

Dr. Nina Savelle-Rocklin, Psy.D. is a psychoanalyst who specializes in disordered eating. Her podcast Win The Diet War is available on iTunes (named New & Notable the first week of release). Her award-winning blog, Make Peace With Food was named A Best Eating Disorder Blog of 2012 by Healthline and nominated as a Best Health Blog this year.

Follow Dr. Nina on Facebook and Twitter. Visit the website: www.winthedietwar.com.

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