Ever notice how attentive new mothers are to their babies?
Recently my friend Heather came over with her new daughter. When baby began to cry, Heather tried to figure out what was wrong. Was the baby tired? Hungry? In need of a diaper change? Did she just need to be held?
The baby was crying because she needed comfort. As I watched Heather tend to her child, I reflected how nice it would be if people treated themselves with the same amount of interest and concern that they show for babies. Those who struggle with disordered eating often are hostile to their most basic needs, whether for food, sleep, love, connection, or comfort.
Some mothers use food to meet every need. If the baby cries, she may be tired, hungry, wet or just cranky, but the response is the same: she gets fed.
Imagine a baby's perspective. You’re tired and need a nap, so you cry. Mom comes over right away, but instead of putting you down for a soothing rest, she provides a bottle. You learn that your need for rest will be resolved with food. You may even start to confuse the need for rest with hunger. If this happens repeatedly, you may even start feeling hungry when you’re tired.
Do you recognize and meet your needs for soothing, for connection, rest, and so forth? Or are you hostile to those needs, angry at "giving in" to hunger or using food to comfort and distract from difficult, upsetting feelings?
How were you comforted as a child? What was helpful? What was missing?
What can you do differently to "baby" yourself? Recognizing and validating your needs is an important first step.
What do you need more of in your life? Connection? Recognition? Love? Time? Rest?
Your needs and wants require validation and attention, not condemnation.
Baby yourself, today and every day!
