The TRUTH About Eating Disorders

Recently I had the opportunity to sit down with Alex Wehrley of Focus Magazine.  We had a conversation about what eating disorders are - and are not!  Check it out!!



Interested in the book?  Get it here>>>  Food For Thought

How To Be More Patient (with yourself)

Yesterday was Martin Luther King, Jr. Day.  He said and did so much to inspire many generations.  A quote that really resonates with me is this one:

Easier said than done.  That staircase represents change. Often we wait until we're ready to climb, expecting to effortlessly bound up those stairs without losing a step or falling.  

That's not how change happens.  It's slow, often facilitated by blind faith, with many falls, stumbles and blocks along the way.  As author and Huffington Post blogger, Iris Ruth Pastor says, change is a result of "mouse steps, not kangaroo steps."

In her upcoming book, Iris writes a moving account of her recovery from an eating disorder.  I'm thrilled to share her wisdom about patience - in eating disorder recovery, and in life.

Take it away, Iris!

Lessons Learned Along the Way

by Iris Ruth Pastor

Within minutes of Nelson Mandela’s death in early December 2013, we are deluged with information about his life: a conqueror of apartheid, the first black president of South Africa, a master compromiser and a champion peace broker. 

One facet of his multi-layered life particularly fascinates me: how did he emerge from 27 years of wrongful imprisonment devoid of bitterness and rancor?

Myriad sources cite Mandela’s anger in his early years of confinement. As time passed, however, Mandela noted that he began to recognize that “hating clouds the mind and gets in the way of strategy.” (The New York Times, Dec. 6, 2013).

If he wanted to achieve lifelong dreams and ambitions, he realized he needed to control what was still left for him to control - his heart, his head, his thoughts and his attitude - or his captors would have indeed triumphed. Nelson Mandela entered prison as a revolutionary and emerged as a statesman.

I wonder how much time we all spend in a cage of our own making – raging about things we can’t control - rather than concentrating on strategies that will strengthen our wills and help achieve our desired results?

Clearly, quite often I find myself stuck in neutral – trying to keep from unraveling as I try to come to terms with my disordered eating. I witness normal eating among my peers, and yet remain unprepared for and incapable of fully and effectively embracing that paradign.

Perhaps I should think about shifting gears like Cheryl Strayed did. Reeling from the loss of her beloved mother, her life at age 22 was spiraling downward. Her family had fragmented and scattered. She was dabbling in heroin and free sex, estranged from her husband and employed in a series of dead-end jobs. 

In a desperate attempt to cure her of herself, Strayed decides that hiking the Pacific Crest Trail alone - from the Mojave Dessert through California and Oregon to Washington - will be her path to salvation. That walking with no discernible reason but just to observe the wonders of nature would prove restorative. Years later, she documents her journey in Wild, a book gracing The New York Times Best Seller List for over 35 weeks.

Strayed suffers from her inexperience: not budgeting for enough money to adequately see her through from outpost to outpost. She ignores admonishments about weighty backpacks, neglects to talk to anyone who has actually hiked the trail before her, and does woefully little physical training to prepare her for the rigors the trek will present. 

She encounters dessert heat, frigid mountain air, rattlesnakes, eroded trails and a near rape from a lusty, lecherous mountain man. She endures massive foot blisters, bruising, hunger, thirst, exhaustion and loneliness.

Among her many notable trials and triumphs on the trail, I am most drawn to one part of it: the beginning. She wakes up the morning she is to start her journey in a seedy, cheap motel 12 miles from the trail. She has trouble even lifting her back pack to position it across her back. And when she finally maneuvers that feat, she is already exhausted. Nevertheless, she closes the motel room door and steps into a parking light drenched in daylight. 

She realizes quickly – with great trepidation – that she is going to have to hitch a ride with strangers unless she wants to walk the 12 miles to the trail’s entrance in the searing heat of a June day. Two men in a minivan with Colorado plates offer her a ride. She climbs in gingerly, hoping she won’t get murdered. Thirty uneventful minutes later, they drop her off on a silent highway. She begins walking toward a fence post supporting a palm sized sign reading “Pacific Crest Trail.” She staggers the first few steps down the trail. She finds the trail register in a metal box nearby and signs it. She resumes walking.

Her journey had begun. There were no crowds heaving fistfuls of graffiti. No cheering loved ones throwing kisses. No photographers eagerly snapping pictures documenting her first steps. No massive send-off parade. It was just an ordinary day in an ordinary town, as she took her first tentative steps off the highway and into the wilderness. And though the beginning was neither dramatic nor pain free, she emerged at the end of her trek an altered person.

Like Cheryl Strayed, I hope all of us in the New Year can push to take those first faltering baby steps - as subtle and unnoticed as they may be by others - so that we can begin to achieve what really matters to us.

Like Nelson Mandela, let us resolve to work diligently on strategies for achieving what we want in life. And let us give less credence to the wrongs heaped upon us. 

No matter where in our journey we may be, let’s celebrate the small incremental mouse steps we take so that when the kangaroo leaps occur, we are ready for our hard earned success.

IRIS RUTH PASTOR

I am 5’2” – the truth

I weigh 115 lbs. – a lie

I like to dress funky.

Do what’s not expected.

Push the envelope of what‘s customary.

Surprise. Delight. Entertain and Connect.

I am an aging baby boomer, wife, mother and grandma,

Who writes a column entitled “Incidentally, Iris,”

Blogs for the Huffington Post,

And speaks on all topics related to mid life and baby boomers,

Including tattoos,

Though I graciously decline,

The opportunity to get one.

I have entered the social media age

Kicking and bitching and screaming

In order to motivate, inform, entertain and educate,

Foster connection and offer tidbits of authenticity

For myself and for others.

While doing so,

I try not to be judgmental, cloying and hypocritical.

Whiney, clingy and snippy.

Sometimes I even manage to carry it off.

My philosophy of life used to be Coping -

Just getting through with dignity -

But I’m no longer content

To settle for less.

So I’m tearing down my carefully built facade.

I’m repairing, remodeling, improving and updating.

I’m soaring and I’m jumping.

I’m preserving my bloom.

And I’m inviting you to join me

In preserving your own bloom too.

Want more from Iris (I know I do!)?   Sign up for her weekly newsletter of inspiration at www.irisruthpastor.com.  And please read, like and leave a comment at www.huffingtonpost.com/iris-ruth-pastor.  

Why I Don't Believe In Recovery

Recently, someone came to my support group for the first time and shared  about his problems with binge eating.  And then he said something that I hear a lot - but no matter how often people say this, I'm always stunned:

He said he he knew he'd be dealing with bingeing for the rest of his life and that it would always be with him in some form. 

And did I mention he was in his mid-20s?  Yikes.

I'm sure I looked openly taken aback.  I said, "Oh, really?"

He nodded.  "Recovery means that you're always dealing with the problem.  Like, forever."

I said, skeptically, "Oh, really?"

At that point he asked if I believe in recovery.

I shook my head.  "No, I absolutely do not believe in recovery."

The whole group looked at me in shock.  This was not what they were expecting to hear.  That's when I clarified:

"I don't believe in recovery.  I do believe in liberation.  

No matter what your eating issues are, you can completely change your relationship to food and to yourself.  I know this from personal and professional experience.

If you're familiar with my work, you probably know my thoughts on the importance of language.  The way you speak to - and about - yourself affects the way you feel, which impacts your behavior.   

Changing your language can change your life.  

So to me, you recover from the flu.   You recover from a bad break-up.   You recover from a financial setback.

You don't say, "I'm in recovery from depression."  You might explain you were depressed and now you feel better.

You're not "in recovery" from anxiety.  You describe that you were anxious and not you're not, or you're less anxious.     

You don't recover from eating problems.  You liberate yourself.

Liberation means freedom.  It means freedom from counting calories.  Freedom from the idea that you're good if you eat healthy foods and bad if you don't.  Freedom from negative self-talk.  

Freedom from thinking about this stuff All The Time.  

When you identify what's going on in your head and your heart, when you express your needs, wants, emotions, and conflicts, when you change your relationship to yourself and others, you don't need food to numb, distract or express difficult or painful emotions, conflicts, and wishes.  

That's how you liberate yourself from the dictatorship of food and win the diet war.  And then lunch becomes lunch, and not a battlefield.

In the last decade, I've helped many, many people liberate themselves from the tyranny of disordered eating.  They are free - and you can be, too.  

You CAN win the diet war and make peace with food.

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https://winthedietwar.com/kick-the-diet-habit-now/

Diet Like a Dog

What if you took care of yourself as well as you do your dog? In this episode Dr. Nina gives suggestions on how to feel doggone better and train yourself to have a healthier, happier relationship to food."

Check out this episode!

What if you took care of yourself as well as you do your dog?  In this episode Dr. Nina gives suggestions on how to feel doggone better and train yourself to have a healthier, happier relationship to food.

If you have a dog, or know someone who does, think of how much better life would be if you treated yourself as well as you treat your dog - or the way your friends treat their dogs - assuming they take good care of them.

If you have a bone to pick with yourself about your weight, you can train yourself to think differently about your physical and emotional needs, wants, feelings and conflicts.

Dr. Nina offers specific suggestions on how to change your mind, which shifts the way you feel, and changes your behavior with food.  When you feel better, you don’t need food for comfort or distraction – and that’s how you make peace with food!

*     *     *     

https://winthedietwar.com/kick-the-diet-habit-now/

3 Ways To Stop Overeating

Whatever is going on with food is NOT about willpower. Overeating is a “symptom” of the problem; it’s not true real problem – even though it feels like it’s “the” problem.

In this episode, Dr. Nina provides guidance and solutions on how to stop overeating in three specific problem situations.

Remember, you’re not a food addict, you don’t lack willpower, and there’s nothing wrong with you. Overeating is a way of coping with difficult and/or painful situations. It’s a way of helping yourself that ends up hurting more than it helps.

Overeating stops when you identify and process the underlying emotions and conflicts that cause problems, and when you relate to yourself in a new way. After all, when you can feel your feelings, you don’t need distraction from them. And that’s how you win the diet war.

Check out this episode!

The "F" Word (It's not what you think)

If you struggle to identify and process your emotions, you're more likely to turn to food for comfort or distraction.  In this episode, Dr. Nina explains that the only way to get rid of feelings is to actually FEEL them. She demonstrates the difference between thinking about your emotions and expressing them. When you can identify and process what's going on inside, you won't use food to cope!

Remember, feelings are reactions to situations, not character flaws!

Watch the video for more food for thought.

https://winthedietwar.com/kick-the-diet-habit-now/

Be Size Awesome

Do you know any people who are awesome?  Are they cool and amazing because of the size of their jeans?  Their weight?  No, of course not.   

In this episode, Dr. Nina helps you size up your life, emphasize what's important,  and start feeling awesome!

Check out this episode!

Balance Your Life (& the Scale)

On the ladder of life, are you always scrambling to get to the next rung, always trying to get somewhere, to achieve something? 

"When I lose weight, then I'll start dating."

"When I'm a size zero, I'll be perfect."

"When I finish grad school, my life will be great."

"When I get a new job, then I'll be happy."

"When I get a promotion, I'll feel good about myself."

Goals are great – but if you're always looking to the future, you're never really in the present.  If what you want exists only in the future, you never have what you want.  Deprivation leads to a sense of emptiness, and feeling empty may cause you to turn towards (or away from) food as a way of comforting, soothing, or distracting yourself.

If you can balance appreciating your progress from the past, looking towards the future and what you hope to achieve, with being where you are - in the moment - you'll probably feel better.   You don't need to turn to disordered eating (or other things) to cope, if you feel good.

“Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, today is a gift.  That's why it's called the present.”

Want more help making peace with food?  

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