Is it ALWAYS emotional eating?

Ever wonder something like THIS:

“If I’m overeating or bingeing, is it always about something emotional?  Can’t it just be about the food?”

First, it’s important to distinguish between and overeating and bingeing.

Overeating means, “eating to excess” and that’s different from bingeing.     There are reasons you may overeat that has nothing to do with feelings:

Many Americans overeat on Thanksgiving, which has to do with food, not feelings. 

If you don’t eat enough and you get to the point where you’re starving, you may not be able to stop once you start eating, and end up overeating.

Binge eating is different. 

Binge eating is a way of coping with something psychological through the physical action of eating.

Whatever that psychological piece is, is the root of the behavior.  It may be emotional, or it could be something else. 

I’m sure you’re familiar with the concept of emotional eating – which means you turn to food to avoid uncomfortable emotions.   But that’s only part of the story.

But it can also be…

A way of translating emotional pain to physical.

When emotional pain is too much to bear, painful feelings can be unconsciously converted into physical sensations.   

Linda’s Story

Shortly after Linda broke up with her boyfriend, she ordered a large pizza because that’s all she could think about.  Over the course of the next few hours she ate the entire pizza by herself. 

“I ate so much it hurt,” she reported.  “I was in so much pain I literally couldn’t move.”

Linda was more focused on her painfully full stomach than on the heartache she felt about the breakup.  By eating until she was in physical pain, she converted emotional hurt to physical hurt.

Also, she made herself very full, which symbolically filled the void she felt at the loss of the relationship.

Makes sense.  Now what?

If you find yourself in physical pain from eating, ask yourself what is hurting your feelings.

That needs to be your focus (tough to process, but practice makes progress).

When you heal your heart, you won’t feel the need to use food to cope.  When Linda grieved the end of her relationships, she no longer expressed the ache of loss of the wish for fulfillment through food.

And that's how she made peace with food (and you can, too!).

Food For Thought:

• What is hurting your feelings right now?
• How are you deprived?
• What are you conflicted about in your life?
• If you weren't thinking about food, weight and body image, what thoughts would occupy your mind?

When you identify and process what's weighing "on" you, you won't be as focused on what you weigh.  And that's how you make peace with food!

Crack The Code To Emotional Eating

How do you crack the code of emotional eating?  By changing the way you respond to your emotions!

Last weekend I had the honor of speaking at an uplifting, fabulous event in Santa Monica, celebrating self-acceptance and honoring Mental Health Awareness Month.  For those of you who couldn't be there, I wanted to bring the event to you!

Click my photo or click HERE to watch the video!   

For those of you who'd rather read the speech, here's what I said:

"I want to tell you this thing that happened...  I’m in the park and there are these two toddlers – a little girl and a little boy – and they’re playing in the sand, digging, sifting, eating sand, having a great time. 

All of a sudden the boy gets up and runs off.  He just takes off - with the shovel.  

The little girl bursts into tears.  She’s upset – her friend took off and she’s sad.  And here comes mom, running up, “Don’t cry!  Don’t cry!  It’s okay!”

Of course she keeps crying, because... well, we've all been there, right?  You're hanging out with someone, thinking everything is going great, you're getting along, and then suddenly they're gone.  So she's upset.

And mom’s digging in her diaper bag, saying, “Stop crying, it’s okay,” and then she says, “Here, have a cookie.” (yikes)

What did that little girl learn?  She learned that feelings cause other people to be anxious and upset and she should not cry.  But if she absolutely can’t stop herself, a cookie will do the trick. 

Hello, disordered eating in the future. 

So what does this have to do with self-acceptance and mental health?  Well, when we talk about mental health, we’re often talking about emotional health.  Only we’ve got a problem in this country, because we make emotions into a bad, scary thing.

You’re considered weak if you feel your emotions and strong if you don’t.  How does that even make sense?  Doesn’t it take a lot of strength to deal with painful, difficult emotions?

Here’s the thing:  cookies don’t take away feelings.   You can’t stuff feelings down, you can’t starve them away, purge them, drink them away, gamble them away, work them away, let them go, or use positive thinking to get rid of them.  

There’s only ONE WAY to get rid of feelings.  

That little girl in the sandbox?   If her mother had just said, “Yeah, honey, that hurts.  It’s hard when people leave you and take your stuff.”  If she’d said that, then the girl would have had a good cry and felt better.

That’s how you get rid of feelings.  As counterintuitive as it may seem, the only way to get rid of feelings is to actually FEEL them.

We need to accept that feelings are reactions to situations and not character flaws.   If you get mad, you’re not an angry person; you’re a person who’s angry.

We need to accept our emotions and give them our attention, not our condemnation.

We must accept tears.

Accept our fears.

Accept everything we feel, today and every day, because ultimately emotions are NOT a sign that you are weak. They are a sign that you are human. 

By accepting your feeling, you accept your humanity.  And that’s a healthy outlook!"

What are you going to do today to accept yourself?   Share by replying to this post!

Once again, here's the link to the speech: Watch it here. 

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www.winthedietwar.com

3 Tips To Cope (Without Food)

Coping with the challenges of life can be really tough.  But you know what makes it even harder?  Our society equates coping with being dismissive of feelings.  Part of what makes us human is our ability to feel emotions, but our culture tells us there’s something wrong with our emotions: 

• Angry?  You have an anger management problem.
• Sad?  You must be depressed.  Take an anti-depressant. 
• Anxious?  There’s a pill for that, too.
• Scared?  Be strong!  Fight!  Don’t give in to fear!

No wonder so many of us often have difficulty recognizing that emotions, needs, desires and reactions are part of being human, not a defect.  Keep in mind:

A feeling is a reaction to a situation, not a reflection of your character. 

When you have a tough time processing uncomfortable or intolerable feelings, because the mere existence of those feelings is viewed as weak, bad or wrong, you might turn to (or from) food as a way of dealing with those feelings.  

As counterintuitive as it may sound, the only way to get rid of feelings is to actually feel them.  First, you have to identify what you’re feeling.  Here are three feelings that can be problematic:

#1 ANGER: Annoyance, frustration, rage and fury are all derivatives of anger.  It helps to make a gauge of what you’re feeling.  On a scale of 1-10, what’s a 10?  Rage?  Fury? What’s a 2?  Frustration?  Annoyance? 

If you don’t gauge feelings, every emotion seems like a 10.  Everything feels like too much.  And if your feelings are overwhelming, you’re more vulnerable to turning to food for relief.

Here are some questions to help you pinpoint why you avoid anger.

I don’t like getting angry because:

I’m afraid to feel angry because it reminds me of:

#2 SADNESS:  Gloomy, unhappy, glum, hurt, dejected, depressed, grieving, are forms of sadness.  

I don’t like feeling sad because:

I’m afraid to feel sad because it reminds me of:

#3 HAPPINESS:  You may be thinking, "What’s difficult about being happy?  Happiness is a good thing.  All I want is to be happy!"  People are often nervous to be happy, afraid the rug is going to be pulled out from under them. They don’t let themselves get too happy because they’re afraid they’ll lose that good feeling, so they sabotage themselves. 

Also, food is associated with celebration and reward.  We commemorate birthdays, achievements and transitions food and allow ourselves a “treat” for a job well done.  If food is associated with special celebrations, it’s difficult not to eat or overeat on those occasions.

I’ll know when I’m happy when:

If I let myself be happy, then:

When you can identify, gauge, and process a range of emotions, won’t need food to escape, numb or distract yourself from those feelings.  

And that's how you make peace with food!

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https://winthedietwar.com/kick-the-diet-habit-now/

How To Soothe Yourself (without food)

Not long ago, I took my daughter to the park and while she was with friends, I noticed two toddlers playing in the nearby sandbox. They scooped sand into a pail, digging happily.  One of them got up and suddenly ran off with the shovel. The other, a little girl, burst into tears.

Her anxious mother ran up, saying, “Don’t cry, don’t cry, it’s okay.”

The little girl continued to bawl.

Her mother hurriedly reached into her bag and pulled out a box of animal crackers. “Here,” she said, shoving the cookie towards her daughter, “Have a cookie.”

I wanted to say:

"Nooooooooooooo!"

Instead, I restrained myself (which took a considerable amount of self-control).  Here's why I was upset:

When the mother handed out a cookie as a way to stop the crying, that little girl tacitly learned her feelings are upsetting to other people.  She got the message that either she shouldn’t have upset feelings or show them, but if she absolutely could not stop those feelings, a cookie would resolve the problem.


Then I realized this exchange between mother and child replicated the internal process of binge eating. When you start to feel something - anger, sadness, hurt, resentment, and so forth - a part of you might resist the feeling, as if saying, "Don't feel that! It's too uncomfortable! I can't deal!"

That's when you might turn to food to cope or distract, or start attacking yourself or your body in some other way.

Other possible responses to this situation:

A dismissive parent might not notice that the girl was crying or might glance over and say, “You’re okay. It’s not the end of the world.” The girl learns her feelings are of no interest to others.

An angry parent might snap, “Stop crying, already!” The girl learns her feelings upset and irritate others.

A supportive parent would say, “Of course you’re upset, it’s okay to cry it out. Your feelings are hurt.”  The girl learns that her feelings are worthy of her attention and that it's okay to express them.

Food for thought:

• How do you soothe yourself when you’re upset?
• Where did you learn to relate to yourself this way?
• What would you say to a friend or loved one who is upset?

How do you soothe yourself without food?

Speak to yourself in a supportive way.   Do this:

• Acknowledge the feeling:  "I feel upset."
• Validate the feeling:  "Of course I feel this way.  How else could I feel?"
• Remind yourself it's temporary:  "I feel this way right now, but this feeling will subside."

When you soothe yourself with words and support yourself through challenging, difficult and upsetting situations, you WILL feel better and stop using food for comfort!!

A note on mothers (and fathers): Parents usually do their best, given their circumstances and their upbringing, but sometimes their "best" can be harmful to their children. It's not helpful to blame parents, because that can keep people in a victim stance (ie, "It's their fault I'm this way!"). Explaining why you feel or react in certain ways can be healing, as it helps you understand why you react to yourself the way you do.  Considering a different response leads to empowerment (ie, "I understand that my upbringing impacted me in a particular way, but now that I get it, I can work to change it.")

Remember, you're not alone in this battle.  Together, we will make peace with food!

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https://winthedietwar.com/kick-the-diet-habit-now/

How To Trust Your Food Choices

You know how when you get a new car, suddenly you see that same car everywhere?

I’ve been thinking a lot about the idea of trust, lately (for an upcoming book chapter), and suddenly it seems that everyone is talking about trust.

“I don't trust if I'm really hungry for food or if it's emotional hunger. It’s hard to know the difference.”

“Intuitive eating?  What in the world is that?”

“I’m afraid if I give myself permission to eat whatever I want, I’ll start eating pizza and ice cream and I won’t stop.  Ever.  Seriously.  I’ll never stop.

The idea that you can trust yourself to know what your body needs, or that you can trust yourself to stop eating forbidden food once you’ve started may seem as likely as jet-packing to the moon an hour from now.

As someone recently put it, “That might be true for normal people.  But my body will tell me that I need pizza.”

So, how do you learn to trust yourself when it comes to food?

#1 Learn to discern the difference between physical and emotional hunger. 

Signs that you’re physically hungry

• ·      Growling, gurgling stomach
• ·      Feeling light-headed
• ·      Getting a headache (especially if you haven’t eaten for some hours)

Signs that you're emotionally hungry

• ·      A specific food "sounds good" or "looks good"
• ·      You want to reward yourself
• ·      You want to calm down or feel better

#2 Identify the underlying triggers

Are you upset, sad, angry?  

Express those feelings in words, not actions

Are you lonely? 

Call a friend or be a friend to yourself.  When you are alone with a critical part of you, it’s very lonely indeed, but when you cultivate a part of yourself that can be responsive and kind, you achieve solitude, not loneliness.

Are you anxious?

Calm your body by using muscle relaxation exercises or walking, working out, or anything physical.  A relaxed body is the first step to relaxing your mind.

Are you bored?

Do something!  And ask yourself if you’re bored or lonely.

Are you exhausted or sleepy?  

If you use food to perk yourself up when you’re tired, that’s not emotional hunger, but it is the wrong response to exhaustion.  When you’re tired, you need to rest.   Food won’t perk you up for long.  Your body needs rest, not food.

#3 Put off eating for three minutes and see what happens

If you’re physically hungry, you’ll probably get a little bit hungrier (but not so hungry that you will lose control).   If you’re emotionally hungry, the urgency may pass and you may feel more reflective and less reactive.

When you identify whether you are hungry for food or eating to resolve an internal conflict or state, it’s easier to make healthy food choices!   And that's how you make peace with food for good!

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Want even more support on your journey?  I can help!  Imagine feeling FREE of food cravings and being at peace, all without dieting (yes, it is possible)!

Sign up for my FREE 3 Day Challenge to crack the code of emotional eating:  https://winthedietwar.clickfunnels.com/crack-the-code