Crack The Code To Emotional Eating

How do you crack the code of emotional eating?  By changing the way you respond to your emotions!

Last weekend I had the honor of speaking at an uplifting, fabulous event in Santa Monica, celebrating self-acceptance and honoring Mental Health Awareness Month.  For those of you who couldn't be there, I wanted to bring the event to you!

Click my photo or click HERE to watch the video!   

For those of you who'd rather read the speech, here's what I said:

"I want to tell you this thing that happened...  I’m in the park and there are these two toddlers – a little girl and a little boy – and they’re playing in the sand, digging, sifting, eating sand, having a great time. 

All of a sudden the boy gets up and runs off.  He just takes off - with the shovel.  

The little girl bursts into tears.  She’s upset – her friend took off and she’s sad.  And here comes mom, running up, “Don’t cry!  Don’t cry!  It’s okay!”

Of course she keeps crying, because... well, we've all been there, right?  You're hanging out with someone, thinking everything is going great, you're getting along, and then suddenly they're gone.  So she's upset.

And mom’s digging in her diaper bag, saying, “Stop crying, it’s okay,” and then she says, “Here, have a cookie.” (yikes)

What did that little girl learn?  She learned that feelings cause other people to be anxious and upset and she should not cry.  But if she absolutely can’t stop herself, a cookie will do the trick. 

Hello, disordered eating in the future. 

So what does this have to do with self-acceptance and mental health?  Well, when we talk about mental health, we’re often talking about emotional health.  Only we’ve got a problem in this country, because we make emotions into a bad, scary thing.

You’re considered weak if you feel your emotions and strong if you don’t.  How does that even make sense?  Doesn’t it take a lot of strength to deal with painful, difficult emotions?

Here’s the thing:  cookies don’t take away feelings.   You can’t stuff feelings down, you can’t starve them away, purge them, drink them away, gamble them away, work them away, let them go, or use positive thinking to get rid of them.  

There’s only ONE WAY to get rid of feelings.  

That little girl in the sandbox?   If her mother had just said, “Yeah, honey, that hurts.  It’s hard when people leave you and take your stuff.”  If she’d said that, then the girl would have had a good cry and felt better.

That’s how you get rid of feelings.  As counterintuitive as it may seem, the only way to get rid of feelings is to actually FEEL them.

We need to accept that feelings are reactions to situations and not character flaws.   If you get mad, you’re not an angry person; you’re a person who’s angry.

We need to accept our emotions and give them our attention, not our condemnation.

We must accept tears.

Accept our fears.

Accept everything we feel, today and every day, because ultimately emotions are NOT a sign that you are weak. They are a sign that you are human. 

By accepting your feeling, you accept your humanity.  And that’s a healthy outlook!"

What are you going to do today to accept yourself?   Share by replying to this post!

Once again, here's the link to the speech: Watch it here. 

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www.winthedietwar.com

How To Get Rid Of Feelings

Ever wish you could just be DONE with painful, difficult, upsetting emotions?

You can't eat them away, starve them away, purge them, let them go or ignore them.  There's only one way to get rid of feelings.  WATCH NOW to and find our how!

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https://winthedietwar.com/kick-the-diet-habit-now/

The "F" Word (It's not what you think)

If you struggle to identify and process your emotions, you're more likely to turn to food for comfort or distraction.  In this episode, Dr. Nina explains that the only way to get rid of feelings is to actually FEEL them. She demonstrates the difference between thinking about your emotions and expressing them. When you can identify and process what's going on inside, you won't use food to cope!

Remember, feelings are reactions to situations, not character flaws!

Watch the video for more food for thought.

https://winthedietwar.com/kick-the-diet-habit-now/

Gain Confidence & Lose Weight

Do you think you need to lose weight in order to feel better about yourself?  It's actually the other way around.  When you gain confidence, it's easier to lose weight.  Dr. Nina explains the various aspects of self-esteem and helps identify the blocks to your self-worth so that you can feel good about yourself.

Check out this episode!

Stay out of your head (and the fridge)

Check out this episode!

Are you trying to think away your emotions? 

Many people use logic to try to talk themselves out of their anger, sadness, fear, anxiety and/or guilt. Problem is, what you know intellectually doesn’t affect what you feel emotionally. 

This episode helps you stop thinking and start feeling, so you’re less likely to turn to food when you're upset.

Help for helplessness over food (and life)

Helplessness*

In the span of three months, Patti lost her father to cancer and her grandmother to heart disease.  Shortly after the funerals, her brother launched a legal battle to take over their father’s estate.  Patti began to binge and was completely out of control with food. She was helpless in the face of death, and powerless to stop her brother from trying to take over the estate.  Her solution was to use anger and productivity to distract herself from the intolerable state of helplessness. 

Corinne’s insurance company made it difficult for her to have access to her benefits.  As a result, she could not see the therapist of her choice, unless she paid out of pocket.  Her challenges to the insurance company were unsuccessful and she felt powerless.  Corinne began to restrict food, which was a way of expressing her deprivation in terms of her therapist, and also a way of coping with the helplessness she felt.

Helplessness is a feeling that most people cannot bear to experience, either on its own or because it intensifies other painful or upsetting feelings.  Helplessness is defined as:  1) unable to help oneself   2) weak or dependent

3) deprived of strength or power 4) incapacitated.   The state of helplessness is connected to vulnerability and dependency, both of which can be extremely uncomfortable.

Anger, productivity, withdrawal and/or denial are ways of distracting from the intolerable state of helplessness.

Anger:   Anger is an active emotion, whereas helplessness is a passive emotion.  Like Patti, you may get angry at yourself for your weight, or be upset with yourself for what you’re eating, or the amount, as a way of avoiding your sense of helplessness.

Productivity:  Being busy is another way of turning passive to active.  Focusing on achievements, productivity, and being a slave-driver to yourself are all strategies to distract from helplessness.   Thinking about food, weight, and calories are examples of focusing on “doing” rather than “feeling.”

Withdrawal:  Withdrawal is a way of denying helplessness. Anorexia is a withdrawal from food, from wants, from needs, and usually from people.

Denial:   If you tell yourself that what makes you feel helpless “isn’t a big deal” you may be denying your true feelings in order to minimize the reality of the situation.   This is a way of dismissing your feelings.

How do you feel helpless in your life?

If you weren’t feeling helpless over food, what would you feel helpless about?

If you weren’t focused on being powerful over food and hunger, what would you be focused on?

If you weren’t trying to control food, what would you be trying to control?

*My appreciation & thanks go to Dr. Axel Hoffer and Dr. Dan Buie for their inspiring paper “Helplessness and Our War Against Feeling It”

The 'F' Word:

Dr. Nina talks about the "F" word:  Feelings.  She discusses seven basic feelings that often lead to overeating.  Learn to identify, gauge, and process a range of emotions, so you won’t need food to escape what you're feelings.  Dr. Nina helps you be curious about yourself, instead of critical.  When you can figure out what you're feeling and respond to yourself with words, you're less likely to turn to food.

Check out this episode!

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The Other "F" Word

How do you talk to yourself?

Here are some things I've heard this past week:

• I'm so mad at myself for eating all those brownies.  I'm such a loser.
• Why can't I get a grip?  What's wrong with me? 
• I woke up feeling gross after bingeing yesterday.  I'm disgusting.
• I hate myself.

Ouch!

The way you talk to yourself impacts the way you feel, which in turn influences behavior.  If you're harsh, you'll feel AWFUL - and way more likely to eat for comfort or distraction (just to escape yourself!).

Changing the way you respond to YOU is absolutely key to making peace with food. Here are three crucial steps you can implement right away:

#1 Choose your words carefully

Let's say a friend ate brownies and was really upset.  Imagine telling her (or him), "I can't believe you scarfed down those brownies.  You are such a loser."

Um.... probably not.

So what would you say to a friend?    

For starters, how about, "Eating brownies is not a criminal offense so please don't punish yourself."  

Then I'd wonder, "What was going on with you before you ate those brownies?  What were you feeling?  Thinking?  What would be on your mind if you weren't beating yourself up for having brownies?"

Keep in mind:

Stay curious, not critical.

If you wouldn't say it to a friend or a child, don't say it to yourself.

#2 Acknowledge & Ask Questions

If a friend felt physically gross after a binge, I doubt you'd say, "You have no right to your feelings.  You should just suffer, you loser."

Acknowledgment sounds like,  "I know you're feeling terrible.  You feel sad and defeated and upset. What would make you feel better right now?  

Practice saying this to yourself.   "I feel sad and upset.  What will make me feel better?"

Acknowledging emotions is validating.  Asking questions helps you find answers. 

I promise you, that feels way better than calling yourself names!

Take care with your tone

The same words can feel very different depending on what tone you use.  If you ask, "What do I need right now?" in a warm, caring, interested tone, you'll feel good, comforted and safe.

It's quite another to use the same words in a cold, exasperated tone of voice.

Tone is essential.  A soothing tone can feel like a verbal hug.

Talk to yourself as you would talk to someone you care deeply about!  By stopping the criticism and cultivating interest and support, you'll be able to comfort yourself with words.  When that happens, you won't use food for that purpose!

As with everything, practice makes progress.

Take good care of yourself, today and every day!

Dr. Nina

FREE 3 Day Video Training: Crack The Code Of Emotional Eating!

<<<< CLICK HERE >>>>>

Me, Myself & I

ME, MYSELF & I

 

Do any of the following sentences sound familiar?

“The whole time I was eating those cookies, I was telling myself, ‘You’re disgusting, you’ve got no willpower, and you make me sick.’”

“I made myself run five extra miles.  I was like, ‘We can do it, we can make it.’”

“Sometimes I just can’t stand myself.”

Who is “I”?  Which part of you is “myself”?  What about  “me” or “we?”

How you speak to yourself reveals a lot about your relationship to different aspects of yourself.    Although each person’s internal dynamics are slightly different, there are usually three basic parts: the Self, the Critic, and the Soother/Supporter.

The “Self” refers to the part of you that has needs, wants, wishes, emotions and conflicts.  When you say, “I was feeling mad/sad/glad/afraid” that’s your “Self” talking.   

The “Critic” informs you of all your perceived transgressions.  It is relentlessly critical and able to find fault.  When you refer to yourself in the second person, it’s usually the critic talking.  

Does your internal critic remind you of anyone you know?  Who spoke to you in that way?

The “Soother/Supporter” is the part that can be calm, understanding, and supportive.   Often, that’s the part that can show up for other people, but not for you. 

How do you express support for others?   What if you spoke that way to yourself?

Ideally, when you have a need, wish, emotion or conflict, you respond with comforting or soothing words.  For many people who struggle with disordered eating, when the “I” expresses a need, wish, or emotion, the “critic” attacks. In the absence of a nurturing response to pain, you are more likely to turn to food for comfort, or distraction.  That in turn leads the critic to judge you (“How could you have eaten that?” or “You failed!”), and the cycle continues. 

When you respond to yourself in a soothing way, instead of criticizing or attacking yourself, you will be less likely to turn to (or from) food to deal with difficult emotions.

Comments and questions are welcome.  Please share on Facebook and/or Twitter so more people can benefit from the information on this blog.

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Legal Disclaimer:  The content on this site is for educational and informational purposes only.  It is not intended as psychotherapy or as a substitute for psychotherapy advice, diagnosis or treatment.