Magic Wand

I have a magic wand in my office.  If only it worked the way Harry Potter's does in books and movies!  

If my wand had actual powers, I'd wave it over people and magically heal their relationship to themselves. I'd instantly create self-acceptance to replace self-criticism and help people process feelings instead of turning on themselves, using food/weight as a weapon.  

Alas, the magic wand doesn't work.  But here's the good news:  you do have the power to change, to identify patterns and destructive attitudes and to react and act differently in your life.  

We all have our own magic within us.  We can heal ourselves with a combination of insight, hope, tenacity, reflection, courage, and more.

Eating disorder behavior and thoughts often serve to distract from deeper fears and conflicts.  When you can work through these concerns, you may no longer need the eating disorder to cope with the uncomfortable/unbearable feelings that arise from them. Imagine if in a wave of a magic wand, all thoughts of food, weight, calories, fat grams, or anything connected to disordered eating are completely blocked.  If these concerns no longer occupied your mind, what would you think about? 

Fear of abandonment: concern that others will leave you and that you’ll be alone. Is this a familiar concern?  If so, what comes to mind?

Fear of rejection: concern that other people will judge you and won’t like you.  When is the first time you remember feeling this way?

Fear of punishment:  Fear that you’ll get in trouble or be punished in some way.  Do you feel this way a lot? 

Guilt:  Feelings of guilt or fear that you’re going to feel guilty in the future.  Often this guilt leads to anxiety, which is felt as one of the above fears.  For example, “If I do something wrong, then others are going to react by either abandoning, rejecting or punishing me."

Addressing the underlying fear and working through it, what it is and where it came from (easier said than done!!) can help you be less worried about these issues.  And when you're not as worried, anxious or fearful, you are less likely to turn to or from food to cope.

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Me, Myself & I

ME, MYSELF & I

 

Do any of the following sentences sound familiar?

“The whole time I was eating those cookies, I was telling myself, ‘You’re disgusting, you’ve got no willpower, and you make me sick.’”

“I made myself run five extra miles.  I was like, ‘We can do it, we can make it.’”

“Sometimes I just can’t stand myself.”

Who is “I”?  Which part of you is “myself”?  What about  “me” or “we?”

How you speak to yourself reveals a lot about your relationship to different aspects of yourself.    Although each person’s internal dynamics are slightly different, there are usually three basic parts: the Self, the Critic, and the Soother/Supporter.

The “Self” refers to the part of you that has needs, wants, wishes, emotions and conflicts.  When you say, “I was feeling mad/sad/glad/afraid” that’s your “Self” talking.   

The “Critic” informs you of all your perceived transgressions.  It is relentlessly critical and able to find fault.  When you refer to yourself in the second person, it’s usually the critic talking.  

Does your internal critic remind you of anyone you know?  Who spoke to you in that way?

The “Soother/Supporter” is the part that can be calm, understanding, and supportive.   Often, that’s the part that can show up for other people, but not for you. 

How do you express support for others?   What if you spoke that way to yourself?

Ideally, when you have a need, wish, emotion or conflict, you respond with comforting or soothing words.  For many people who struggle with disordered eating, when the “I” expresses a need, wish, or emotion, the “critic” attacks. In the absence of a nurturing response to pain, you are more likely to turn to food for comfort, or distraction.  That in turn leads the critic to judge you (“How could you have eaten that?” or “You failed!”), and the cycle continues. 

When you respond to yourself in a soothing way, instead of criticizing or attacking yourself, you will be less likely to turn to (or from) food to deal with difficult emotions.

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Legal Disclaimer:  The content on this site is for educational and informational purposes only.  It is not intended as psychotherapy or as a substitute for psychotherapy advice, diagnosis or treatment.