How To Get Over A Mistake

When's the last time you made a mistake?  

Recently, to my dismay, I discovered a typo on the "thank you" pop-up on my mailing list opt-in.  Instead of "Welcome" it read "Wecome."  

Since thousands of people subscribed to the list (including many of you, dear readers) that meant THOUSANDS of people saw the error.

Eeeek.  
Cringe.  
Total mortification.

How could I have missed it?
What would people think?
Yes, I went to that worst place scenario, imagining people would be completely put off and might think less of me.

I confided my concerns to a friend.  She started to laugh.

"I'm so relieved," she said.  "You actually are human."

She went on to tell me that my error, although understandably upsetting, made me seem more accessible and fallible in her eyes, which from her perspective was a good thing.  And she reminded me that all those subscribers still... well, subscribed.

It's easy to lose perspective and feel as if a relatively minor mistake is huge.  In my case, I realized I had highlighted the typo and minimized the overall value I strive to bring to subscribers.

Worrying makes things worse.

Stop obsessing about what happened:  Worrying about a mistake can lead to negative self-talk and an expectation of perfectionism, both of which affect self-esteem.  When you feel bad about yourself, you're more likely to use disordered eating as an escape, for comfort, or as punishment.

Start learning from it:  Figuring out what you can do to prevent another error (double proof-readers for me!) is important.

I often reassure people that it's okay to mess up, screw up, forget or just plain fail.  This experience forced me to put my beliefs into action.

Food for thought:

What does it mean to make a mistake?


What do you feel when you've made an error?


What is your inner judge telling you?


What would you tell a friend in a similar situation?


How bad is it in the overall scheme of things?


The next time you make a mistake (which is part of life and therefore inevitable), keep this in mind:

You made a mistake.  You are not a mistake.

And then give your perfectly-imperfect self a break!

*          *          *

https://winthedietwar.com/kick-the-diet-habit-now/

5 Ways To Deal With Disappointment

Does this sound familiar?

“I didn’t sign up for this.”

“I thought things would be different.”

“I feel so stupid for thinking it would work out.”

“I can’t believe I trusted that person.”

Paulette recently went into escrow on her dream house – and then the deal fell apart.   She said, “I feel so stupid for thinking things would go my way.   I can’t believe I let myself get so excited about the house.  I should have known better.”

A moment later she added, as if in jest, “I bet stuff like this doesn’t happen to skinny people.” 

Paulette was disappointed about losing her dream house.  Instead of processing the disappointment, she turned on herself, accusing herself of not being psychic, and joking that  thinner people don't have to deal with things not working out.  

In other words, if she changed her weight and became one of those "skinny people," she’d never be disappointed again. 

This is an illusion, because you cannot manage life situations by controlling your weight.

The definition of disappointment is, “the feeling of sadness or displeasure caused by the nonfulfillment of one's hopes or expectations” (Google dictionary).

Disappointment can be about a person or situation.  It is often more acute than "sadness or displeasure" because there are many other elements bound up in the experience of disappointment, including the notion of losing basic trust in others and in the world.

If other people and/or situations seem unpredictable or unreliable, you may be vulnerable to turning away from others and relating primarily to your body or to food.  

When things don’t work out or someone lets you down, you may also feel a sense of powerlessness or helplessness.  Focusing on your powerlessness over food, which you ostensibly can control, may be preferable to experiencing powerless in the context of your relationships or in the world.

If you’re disappointed in yourself for something that is food, weight or body image related, you may be displacing feelings towards others and turning them on yourself, as Paulette did.

Food for thought:

Ask yourself the following questions:

What situations and/or people are disappointing me?

What is going on in your life that is causing disappointment?   Perhaps a friend has let you down, or other things have not gone as planned. 

What does it mean about you? 

i.e., Perhaps you fear that you’re not good enough, not omniscient, that you somehow should have known better.  If so, explore the basis of your self-esteem and the meaning of powerlessness.

What does it mean about other people?

i.e., You cannot trust others, that they are inherently self-serving and will throw you under the proverbial bus?  If so, consider where you learned that people are inherently not trustworthy.

What does it mean about the world?

i.e., The world is an unfair, unsafe place and there are no rules.  Bad things can happen to good people.  If so, explore your life experiences and identify what you may be re-experiencing in the context of this situation.

What does it mean about the future?

i.e., Nothing is ever going to go your way and there’s no point in trying or trusting again.  If so, examine your ideas about hopelessness.

When you acknowledge your disappointment and process the underlying anxieties about your good enough-ness, powerlessness, trust, fairness, and hopelessness, you can move forward – like Paulette, who is now the proud owner of another house that she ended up liking as much as the first.

When you deal with the underlying emotions and conflicts that impact your sense of wellbeing, you make peace with yourself.  When you do that, you will make peace with food.

Dr. Nina

*          *          *

https://winthedietwar.com/kick-the-diet-habit-now/

Is Your Diet Failing You?

Does the phrase “pool party” create anxiety or dread?  If the idea of BBQs and bathing suits makes you wish you'd stayed on your diet all summer, then consider this:  

Maybe you’re not a failure at dieting; maybe dieting has failed you.

In this episode Dr. Nina explores ideas about failure and success, and how that influences your measure of yourself and your self-worth.  When you feel successful, you’re more likely to feel good about yourself in general - and when you feel good, you’re not as likely to turn to food for comfort or escape. 

She reminds listeners that if you fail at something, that doesn’t mean you are a failure.  After all, the “u” in failure is not spelled Y.O.U. J  When you personalize the failures in your life, you feel bad about yourself.   The failure becomes a character flaw, instead of a situation that didn’t work out. 

Dr. Nina gives examples of very successful people built their success on the steps of failure, such as Michael Jordan (who lost many games, and many shots),  Steve Jobs (who was fired from Apple),  Oprah Winfrey (who was fired from her job as a TV reporter) and Thomas Edison (who unsuccessfully tried for years to invent the light bulb).

She suggests that if you’ve been dieting to lose weight, then you haven’t failed at dieting; dieting has failed you.  That’s because diets deal with food, with WHAT you’re eating, and not WHY.

Are you lonely, upset, or helpless?  Are you happy and this is the only way you know how to celebrate?  Are you rewarding yourself?  Punishing yourself?  Avoiding something painful or upsetting?  What’s going on?

Dr. Nina proposes a new way to think about success.  Instead of dieting, try responding to your thoughts and emotions in a new way. 

When you can identify and process what’s going on inside – the emotions, conflicts and states of mind that are hard to be with - you won’t need food to distract you from those things, and that’s how you lose weight for good.  

Check out this episode!

Subscribe to the new Dr. Nina Show on YouTube!

For media inquiries:  Online Press Kit

Comments and questions are welcome.  Please share on Facebook and/or Twitter or leave a rating and/or a comment on iTunes, so more people can benefit from the information on this blog.

Legal Disclaimer:  The content on this site is for educational and informational purposes only.  It is not intended as psychotherapy or as a substitute for psychotherapy advice, diagnosis or treatment.

Am I The Fattest One Here?

Is this your worst nightmare?

Do you avoid parties and other social events because you’re afraid you’ll be the biggest person in the room? Are you self-conscious and afraid you won’t fit in? Comparing yourself to others makes you feel bad, which leads to overeating.


In this episode, Dr. Nina helps you shift focus from your physical size to the size of your self-esteem."

Check out this episode!

Follow Dr. Nina on Facebook and Twitter for inspiration and information.

For media inquiries:  Online Press Kit

Comments and questions are welcome.  Please share on Facebook and/or Twitter or leave a rating and/or a comment on iTunes, so more people can benefit from the information on this blog.

Legal Disclaimer:  The content on this site is for educational and informational purposes only.  It is not intended as psychotherapy or as a substitute for psychotherapy advice, diagnosis or treatment.

Is She Skinnier Than Me?

Is She Skinnier Than Me?

A few days ago I was at a park and there were a bunch of middle-school girls selling lemonade and cookies at a stand.  I got in line for lemonade and couldn’t help but overhear what the girls were talking about.  One girl who was wearing all black was saying that some other girl named Kiley (who wasn’t there) had lost weight at gymnastics camp over the summer.  Goth girl said, “Is she skinnier than me?”

This began a whole debate about who was skinnier than whom.  They compared the sizes of their jeans, the space between the thighs (the thigh gap) and complained about not being able to see their hipbones.

Then one of them said, “Well, Kiley may be skinny but she still needs a nose job.”

It occurred to me that the smallest part of these girls was their self-confidence, which seemed to be solely based on their weight and appearance in comparison to other girls. 

Sound familiar?  Do you compare yourself to others and constantly feel as if you fall short? 

Or do you feel superior when you make comparisons?   Recently someone confided at how superior she felt when she saw another women eating dinner at a restaurant.  She scoffed, “I thought she was so weak.  I felt so strong in comparison.”

This woman thought her ability to deprive herself and use willpower to not “give in” to the need to eat made her strong.  This is a pyrrhic victory, one that causes suffering in the long run.

To stop comparing yourself to others, it’s important to challenge the ideas about yourself that negatively impact your self esteem.  When you feel good about yourself, you’re less likely to turn to (or from) food for comfort or distraction, or to prove anything about yourself.

What does "skinny" mean to you?  How does it make you better?

Where did you get the idea that you’re not good enough as you are?

What do you think needs to change?  Weight?  Marital status?  Employment status? 

What makes you think that depriving yourself reflects strength of character?

Think of someone you compare yourself to unfavorably?  What do you imagine would change if you had her (or his) looks, weight, life? 

What aspects of yourself – physical, intellectual, mental, emotional – do you feel good about?

What makes you happy?

Theodore Roosevelt once said, "Comparison is the thief of joy."   When you stop comparing yourself to others and start accepting yourself, then you can let joy into your life.  And when you are more joyful and feel good about yourself, you're less likely to use food for comfort or distraction!

Comments and questions are welcome.  You're welcome to share on Facebook and/or Twitter or leave a rating and/or a comment on iTunes, so more people can benefit from the information on this blog.

Please "Like" the Facebook page and follow me on Twitter.

Legal Disclaimer:  The content on this site is for educational and informational purposes only.  It is not intended as psychotherapy or as a substitute for psychotherapy advice, diagnosis or treatment.

The Skinny on Fat Talk

How do you talk about your body?  Do you say things like, “I'm 

huge and I’m disgusting” and put yourself down? The way you talk 

about yourself affects the way you feel, which leads to overeating. 


In this episode, Dr. Nina gives you strategies to stop the negative 

cycle.  Losing weight takes time, but you can drop the fat talk in 

no time.

Check out this episode!

https://winthedietwar.com/kick-the-diet-habit-now/

Perception Is Not Reality

PERCEPTION IS NOT REALITY

What if you held the belief that all drivers in L.A. are rude?  You’d drive a stretch of freeway and encounter drivers who cut you off, flip you off, or are too busy texting to notice they’ve veered into your lane.  In other words, you’d be right about L.A. drivers.  The worst!

But what if you believed L.A. drivers are nice?  You’d drive the same stretch of freeway and encounter drivers who slow to let you into their lane, give a friendly wave, and drive safely.  In other words, you’d be right about L.A. drivers.  The best!

So which is the truth?  The answer is:  both.

Generally people find the evidence they look for, filtering out what contradicts their viewpoints and focusing on that which confirms their beliefs.   This is also true of the ideas people have about themselves, their likeability or lovability.

What negative beliefs do you hold about yourself?  

ie, “That guy I met at a party last week didn’t call me.  I must not be thin (or pretty /smart/funny.) enough.”

What actual evidence do you have to support these ideas?

“When I was thinner, I had a boyfriend. “ (this is not evidence; it’s selective interpretation /correlation)

What about alternate evidence?

“I weighed the most in college, and I had the nicest boyfriend then.  I guess it isn’t all about my weight.”

Where did these beliefs come from?

“My sister was gorgeous and she always had boyfriends.  I guess I grew up thinking that you had to look a certain way to be lovable.”

What’s an alternate notion you can hold about yourself?

“I’m caring, loyal and fun.  I don’t have to look perfect to be lovable.”

When you feel better about yourself, when you value yourself and are interested in your thoughts, emotions, needs, and wants, you may feel calmer and better about yourself, and be less inclined to turn to or against food as a way to deal with those internal conflicts.

And that's how you make peace with food!