Your Holiday Survival Guide

It's that time of year again.  The holidays are upon us.   Does that bring you joy?

Or dread?

Maybe you feel a combination of both happiness and anxiety.  If you feel conflicted about the holidays, you're not alone. 

Why are the holidays so difficult for so many people?

TV commercials and magazine ads start showing happy, loving, close families gathered over a table loaded with food.  Everyone is beaming and grateful for their wonderful lives. 

If that’s your reality, consider yourself lucky.  But for many people, if not most, that’s a fantasy world that’s not even close to reality.

If it seems as if everyone in the world is living a perfect Hallmark holiday life, full of peace, love and happiness - and then there’s YOUR family, that can be painful.

The contrast can be really difficult especially if you think the picture perfect image is how it’s supposed to be, and it’s just not.  

That’s upsetting, which leads to overeating or bingeing (or other forms of disordered eating) as a way to numb or distract from the pain. 

Or, because these families are often shown having meals together, eating, overeating or bingeing can be a means of “feeling” like you’re part of the picture perfect holiday family.  If you can't have the family, at least you've got the food.

And what about the food?

The holidays start with Thanksgiving (at least they do in the United States) and Thanksgiving is often referred to as “National Binge Day” – the whole day is a tribute to excess. 

You’re expected to overeat.  It’s even considered bad manners not to try everything on the table.  If you struggle with food, this can be extremely challenging.

Another problem with the holidays is everyone talks about food.  A lot.

Some relatives get offended if you don’t try everything.  Someone will say, “I know you’re watching your weight but you’re just GOT to try my pecan pie.  One bite won’t hurt you.  Go on, have some.”

And then there are the people who watch every bite they eat – and every bite YOU eat.

They say, “Oh, I shouldn’t have this.”  Or worse, “Do you think you should eat that?  Do you really need that?”

All this focus on food can lead to a lot of stress – you’re anxious, upset, and sad – and if you don’t have other strategies to deal with those stressful emotion, that makes you more vulnerable to using food to cope. 

So it can be a vicious cycle.  The key is to learn to express feelings in words, instead of behavior.

How do you stop the cycle?

People often think they are triggered by food but they’re not.  They’re usually triggered by situations and experiences that are painful or upsetting, and make them want to turn to food to cope – to numb, or distract from what’s upsetting them.

Start by asking yourself some questions:

What is the most difficult part of the holidays?  Food?  Family?  Lack of family?

  

Are you emotionally hungry, lonely, upset, or maybe even jealous?  

What is eating "at" you the most?

When you deal with and process those situations and feelings directly, you won’t use food as a coping strategy.  

What is my top survival tip for the holidays?

Be a social anthropologist.    

When you're watching and observing, you're not a participant.  Observing means creating some distance and that distance can be very illuminating.




Hearing your grandparents criticize your sister or brother or cousin, helps you see you learned to criticize yourself. 

When you realize that your mother apologizes for every bite she eats, you’ll recognize how you learned to feel guilty for every bite you take.

It doesn’t matter whether you celebrate Christmas or Hannukah or Kwanza, or nothing, pay attention to what’s going on around you.

What do you like about them?    What do you dislike?

What do you appreciate?   What do you wish was different?

Give yourself permission to hold the positive and negatives about others – it’ll make it easier to hold both about yourself.

When you’re observing others, you don’t feel as much under observation.  That makes you feel less self-conscious, and you feel better.  When you feel better, you’re less likely to use food to cope.

Add some gratitude!

It’s the holidays, and ultimately the holidays are about gratitude, so be grateful.  Think of one thing you appreciate; whether it’s a person or a situation, because hanging onto one good thing can keep you going when things are challenging.  

How To Trust Your Food Choices

You know how when you get a new car, suddenly you see that same car everywhere?

I’ve been thinking a lot about the idea of trust, lately (for an upcoming book chapter), and suddenly it seems that everyone is talking about trust.

“I don't trust if I'm really hungry for food or if it's emotional hunger. It’s hard to know the difference.”

“Intuitive eating?  What in the world is that?”

“I’m afraid if I give myself permission to eat whatever I want, I’ll start eating pizza and ice cream and I won’t stop.  Ever.  Seriously.  I’ll never stop.

The idea that you can trust yourself to know what your body needs, or that you can trust yourself to stop eating forbidden food once you’ve started may seem as likely as jet-packing to the moon an hour from now.

As someone recently put it, “That might be true for normal people.  But my body will tell me that I need pizza.”

So, how do you learn to trust yourself when it comes to food?

#1 Learn to discern the difference between physical and emotional hunger. 

Signs that you’re physically hungry

• ·      Growling, gurgling stomach
• ·      Feeling light-headed
• ·      Getting a headache (especially if you haven’t eaten for some hours)

Signs that you're emotionally hungry

• ·      A specific food "sounds good" or "looks good"
• ·      You want to reward yourself
• ·      You want to calm down or feel better

#2 Identify the underlying triggers

Are you upset, sad, angry?  

Express those feelings in words, not actions

Are you lonely? 

Call a friend or be a friend to yourself.  When you are alone with a critical part of you, it’s very lonely indeed, but when you cultivate a part of yourself that can be responsive and kind, you achieve solitude, not loneliness.

Are you anxious?

Calm your body by using muscle relaxation exercises or walking, working out, or anything physical.  A relaxed body is the first step to relaxing your mind.

Are you bored?

Do something!  And ask yourself if you’re bored or lonely.

Are you exhausted or sleepy?  

If you use food to perk yourself up when you’re tired, that’s not emotional hunger, but it is the wrong response to exhaustion.  When you’re tired, you need to rest.   Food won’t perk you up for long.  Your body needs rest, not food.

#3 Put off eating for three minutes and see what happens

If you’re physically hungry, you’ll probably get a little bit hungrier (but not so hungry that you will lose control).   If you’re emotionally hungry, the urgency may pass and you may feel more reflective and less reactive.

When you identify whether you are hungry for food or eating to resolve an internal conflict or state, it’s easier to make healthy food choices!   And that's how you make peace with food for good!

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Want even more support on your journey?  I can help!  Imagine feeling FREE of food cravings and being at peace, all without dieting (yes, it is possible)!

Sign up for my FREE 3 Day Challenge to crack the code of emotional eating:  https://winthedietwar.clickfunnels.com/crack-the-code

How To Comfort Yourself (Without Food)

How do you talk to yourself?

Here are some things I've heard this past week:

• I'm so mad at myself for eating all those brownies.  I'm such a loser.
• Why can't I get a grip?  What's wrong with me? 
• I woke up feeling gross after bingeing yesterday.  I'm disgusting.
• I hate myself.

Ouch!

The way you talk to yourself impacts the way you feel, which in turn influences behavior.  If you're harsh, you'll feel AWFUL - and way more likely to eat for comfort or distraction (just to escape yourself!).

Changing the way you respond to YOU is absolutely key to making peace with food. Here are three crucial steps you can implement right away:

#1 Choose your words carefully

Let's say a friend ate brownies and was really upset.  Imagine telling her (or him), "I can't believe you scarfed down those brownies.  You are such a loser."

Um.... probably not.

So what would you say to a friend?    

For starters, how about, "Eating brownies is not a criminal offense so please don't punish yourself."  

Then I'd wonder, "What was going on with you before you ate those brownies?  What were you feeling?  Thinking?  What would be on your mind if you weren't beating yourself up for having brownies?"

Keep in mind:

Stay curious, not critical.

If you wouldn't say it to a friend or a child, don't say it to yourself.

#2 Acknowledge & Ask Questions

If a friend felt physically gross after a binge, I doubt you'd say, "You have no right to your feelings.  You should just suffer, you loser."

Acknowledgment sounds like,  "I know you're feeling terrible.  You feel sad and defeated and upset. What would make you feel better right now?  

Practice saying this to yourself.   "I feel sad and upset.  What will make me feel better?"

Acknowledging emotions is validating.  Asking questions helps you find answers. 

I promise you, that feels way better than calling yourself names!

#3 Take care with your tone

The same words can feel very different depending on what tone you use.  If you ask, "What do I need right now?" in a warm, caring, interested tone, you'll feel good, comforted and safe.

It's quite another to use the same words in a cold, exasperated tone of voice.

Tone is essential.  A soothing tone can feel like a verbal hug.

Talk to yourself as you would talk to someone you care deeply about!  By stopping the criticism and cultivating interest and support, you'll be able to comfort yourself with words.  When that happens, you won't use food for that purpose!

As with everything, practice makes progress.

Take good care of yourself, today and every day!

Dr. Nina

How to Accept Yourself

When you think about the concept of self-acceptance, what “self” do you think of first?  The one in the mirror?   Because there is so much more to you than meets the eye.  

In this video, I'll show you how to find a renewed sense of self-acceptance and feel better about yourself. When you feel good, you won't turn to (or against) food to comfort, numb or express yourself.

Go ahead and WATCH now!

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What You NEED to Know About Comfort Food

Ever wonder, "Why food?" 

Dr. Nina explains WHY you use food to cope and she tells you exactly what you need to do to change. Watch now!

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https://winthedietwar.com/kick-the-diet-habit-now/

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5 Ways To Deal With Disappointment

Does this sound familiar?

“I didn’t sign up for this.”

“I thought things would be different.”

“I feel so stupid for thinking it would work out.”

“I can’t believe I trusted that person.”

Paulette recently went into escrow on her dream house – and then the deal fell apart.   She said, “I feel so stupid for thinking things would go my way.   I can’t believe I let myself get so excited about the house.  I should have known better.”

A moment later she added, as if in jest, “I bet stuff like this doesn’t happen to skinny people.” 

Paulette was disappointed about losing her dream house.  Instead of processing the disappointment, she turned on herself, accusing herself of not being psychic, and joking that  thinner people don't have to deal with things not working out.  

In other words, if she changed her weight and became one of those "skinny people," she’d never be disappointed again. 

This is an illusion, because you cannot manage life situations by controlling your weight.

The definition of disappointment is, “the feeling of sadness or displeasure caused by the nonfulfillment of one's hopes or expectations” (Google dictionary).

Disappointment can be about a person or situation.  It is often more acute than "sadness or displeasure" because there are many other elements bound up in the experience of disappointment, including the notion of losing basic trust in others and in the world.

If other people and/or situations seem unpredictable or unreliable, you may be vulnerable to turning away from others and relating primarily to your body or to food.  

When things don’t work out or someone lets you down, you may also feel a sense of powerlessness or helplessness.  Focusing on your powerlessness over food, which you ostensibly can control, may be preferable to experiencing powerless in the context of your relationships or in the world.

If you’re disappointed in yourself for something that is food, weight or body image related, you may be displacing feelings towards others and turning them on yourself, as Paulette did.

Food for thought:

Ask yourself the following questions:

What situations and/or people are disappointing me?

What is going on in your life that is causing disappointment?   Perhaps a friend has let you down, or other things have not gone as planned. 

What does it mean about you? 

i.e., Perhaps you fear that you’re not good enough, not omniscient, that you somehow should have known better.  If so, explore the basis of your self-esteem and the meaning of powerlessness.

What does it mean about other people?

i.e., You cannot trust others, that they are inherently self-serving and will throw you under the proverbial bus?  If so, consider where you learned that people are inherently not trustworthy.

What does it mean about the world?

i.e., The world is an unfair, unsafe place and there are no rules.  Bad things can happen to good people.  If so, explore your life experiences and identify what you may be re-experiencing in the context of this situation.

What does it mean about the future?

i.e., Nothing is ever going to go your way and there’s no point in trying or trusting again.  If so, examine your ideas about hopelessness.

When you acknowledge your disappointment and process the underlying anxieties about your good enough-ness, powerlessness, trust, fairness, and hopelessness, you can move forward – like Paulette, who is now the proud owner of another house that she ended up liking as much as the first.

When you deal with the underlying emotions and conflicts that impact your sense of wellbeing, you make peace with yourself.  When you do that, you will make peace with food.

Dr. Nina

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https://winthedietwar.com/kick-the-diet-habit-now/