Is weight a "real" problem?

The other day someone told me, "With what's going on in Paris, I have no right to complain about my thighs."

A Facebook group member recently celebrated her freedom from food obsession, adding, "it's hard to make posts like this with all going on in Paris. It feels like such a 'stupid problem' to be dealing with in comparison."

Another woman said she feels bad about focusing on her weight because other people have "real" problems.

Ouch.

These are examples of a type of analogy called "moral equivalency" in which two separate situations are compared as equal - when they are not.  

You probably feel saddened and horrified by the recent events in Paris.  And, you probably also feel upset about your weight or your relationship to food.  One is not actually connected to the other.

I doubt you'd tell a friend who got the flu, "What are you complaining about?  I know someone who died of pneumonia."

(probably not)

Your needs, wants, thoughts and emotions deserve attention.  If you struggle with weight, food, and body image, that deserves your attention, not your condemnation. 

Don't compare your situation to that of others.  As Theodore Roosevelt once noted, "Comparison is the thief of joy."

Be grateful for what you have.  Hug the people you love.  Allow your heart to go out to those in the world who are suffering because of terrorism, war, famine, or disaster.

And...

Take care of yourself.  Identify and process all your needs, wants and emotions, instead of dismissing them as unimportant.  

Be good to yourself.  You deserve it.

*          *          *

https://winthedietwar.com/kick-the-diet-habit-now/

Behind The Billboard: One model's confession about what's really going on

Today's guest post is from Briauna Mariah.  Here's her inspiring story and her revolutionary mission:

"I was never one of those girls who "always" wanted to be a fashion or runway model. It was suggested to me when I stopped growing and realized I was 5'11" and slender. I thought it would be a good way to pay for college. I never thought modeling would change my life, but it has.

I still remember hearing my first agency booker tell me, "You are a product, so don't take what I say as personal." It's impossible not to take it personal when someone tells you, "You have too much baby fat, come back in 6 months." I was 15 years old with a BMI of 18!

Every aspect of a model's skin, hair, curves, walk...is constantly criticized. She is never good enough. As a society, our beauty standards in the fashion world are warped. They are completely unrealistic. Yet, young girls are expected to conform. This is what it feels like to be a model. Moldable.

Being represented by an agency has always been a stressful experience for me. I was always pressured one way or another, bullied strategically, bossed around, and strung along for months along waiting for my paychecks. At one point, I weighed 123 pounds (at 5'11") and was still being told to lose more weight. "You'll never be an international model unless your waist is smaller!" My waist was 23" at the time.  

Sadly, the experience is the same for so many women. Young girls losing too much weight is too often celebrated! This perpetuates and encourages eating disorders among young girls across the globe.

Once I realized how much damage I was doing to my body, I kept wondering when things would change. 

Everyone talks about it. People complain about the unrealistic images painted by the glossy campaigns, the high end runway shows and photos so edited they hardly resemble the actual model. 

The damage to the models themselves is only a fraction of the problem. The media creates this expectation of perfection. Our kids see this and can't stop wondering, "why don't I look like that?"

Shouldn’t something be done about the way models are being exploited? 

Shouldn’t someone, somewhere do something instead of just talking about it? 

I realized if I wanted to see change, I had to take action myself. I decided to create a modeling agency to promote positive change, diversity and health.

Changing the way media portrays women will help eliminate the root of many eating disorders, self-esteem issues and even social bullying. Promoting health as the new standard will create positive images we can be proud to have our kids aspire to."

Briauna is the founder of We Speak, a modeling agency designed from the ground up to empower and protect models, give designers and consumers a choice to make a difference, plus create an advertising culture we can be proud to have the next generation look up to. 



Learn how you can help support revolutionary change by visiting: 

https://www.indiegogo.com/projects/we-speak-beauty-awareness-campaign

www.facebook.com/wespeakny

www.wespeakny.com 

For more information:  917-274-7324

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https://winthedietwar.com/kick-the-diet-habit-now/

Teaching Kids To Be Body Proud (Part Two)

Recently I was interviewed by 2hautechicks about kids, food, and disordered eating.  Here's Part Two of the interview.  Check out their blog, a forum for fashion savvy working moms!  

Teaching Our Kids to be Confident, No Matter What Size They Are! (Part Two)

Continuing our conversation with Dr. Nina ….

2hautechicks: If we think that our kids are suffering from an eating disorder, what should we say to them? What steps should we take to treat these disorders?

Dr. Nina: Communication is everything!  If you suspect your child is suffering from an eating disorder, or engaging in disordered behavior with food, talk to him or her about your concerns.

Don’t bring up their appearance or say anything that might feel shaming.  I suggest saying something along the lines of:

“I notice that your eating habits have changed, lately.  I’m worried about your health and your happiness.  Can you talk to me about what’s going on?”

“I’m concerned about you, because you’re not eating much, these days.”

Make sure the focus is on YOUR concern about your child’s well-being, rather than on their behavior with food.

Don’t try to deal with this issue yourself.  Seek professional help for your child and family from someone with expertise and experience in disordered eating.

Emphasize that therapy is about getting support and understanding.  If your child thinks of therapy as punishment, help her (or him) have a more positive attitude by gently pointing out the supportive nature of therapy.

2hautechicks: What are the most important things we can do or say in order to make our kids have a positive body image and not worry about their weight or size?

Dr. Nina: As parents we need to be very aware of the messages we send to their kids.  Comments about our own weight, or that of other people (even if it’s positive), can give the covert message that a person has to look a certain way to be acceptable.

We live in a very body-conscious society, especially here in Southern California.  It’s important to bolster the confidence of the whole person, and not focus so much on appearance.

We all have different aspects of ourselves – body, emotions, mind.  Make sure that you acknowledge all parts of your children.  Praise them for being kind people.  Acknowledge their efforts, not just their achievements (ie, good grades).  When children feel good about themselves, when they have a healthy sense of self-esteem, they will be less vulnerable to disordered eating.

2hautechicks: Thank you for all of the advice! We like to end our “Haute Spotlight” with a few fun questions.  What are your top five “must have” beauty products?

Dr. Nina:  #1 – Top of the list is a BB cream.  I’m a busy mom and time is of the essence, so a product that is a sunscreen and anti-ager in one is my idea of a dream product!!

#2 – Mascara!!  Fabulous lashes are… well, fabulous!  I love the Lancome mascaras, which always give me long, dark lashes.  And eyes are the windows of the soul 

#3 – Lipgloss.  Nars Dolce Vita.  It’s the best!

#4 – Kiss Press-On Nails.  I don’t have time to get manicures as much as I’d like (okay, I almost never have time to get a mani-pedi, darn!) and these are my secret weapon.

They give you perfect nails in about two minutes! #5 – A smile.  I think a smile and a good attitude makes everyone look better 

2hautechicks: If you could describe your work dress style in one word, what would it be? What one word would you use to describe your off-duty, non-work style?

Dr. Nina:  My work clothes are definitely stylish!   I like clothes that are a bit classic and a bit funky at the same time.   I’m not into labels and like to mix really great shoes (love my Louboutin booties) with fun outfits from Forever 21 or some tiny boutique in New York, where I find great clothes that are good for my professional style.

Off duty, I’m pretty eclectic.  On the weekends I usually wear skinny jeans with a cute top of some kind and fabulous shoes or boots.   I think shoes and bags make almost every outfit go from fine to fabulous!

2hautechicks: Thanks for everything, Dr. Nina and we hope to talk to you soon!

Here's some information about the 2hautechicks in their own words:

Two Women Who Wear Many (Fabulous) Hats

I’d like to pretend that the idea for this blog came about in a flash of inspiration, an “ah-ha” moment.  Really, this blog was born after one of our countless conversations about the Kardashians, or our latest fashion obsession, or our latest work challenge, or our general complaints about being sleep deprived from chasing after our kids.  We realized that we could be the voice for 30-something women who juggle careers, kids, husbands and homes… all while looking fabulous.  Think of us as the Generation X answer to the Generation Y chicks on “Girls.”  We are older (just a tad), wiser (infinitely so) and much more fashion forward (thank God!).

We met during our first year at UCLA law school.  Three years of law school, more years at law firms than we care to admit, countless glasses of wine, many shopping excursions, two weddings and three kids later … here we are!  We think (and hope) that women of all ages will read our blog and find a shared experience, a forum for discussing the things that are most important to women.  We promise to write with brutal honesty, we can’t promise not to over share (!), and we hope you will share in our laughter – and our tears – as we embark on this adventure together.

Check them out at www.2hautechickss.com

The Present

Do you often look to the future, imagining that when you are at your ideal weight, your life will be easier, happier, or perfect?   For example, “When I lose weight, I’ll find a boyfriend (or girlfriend).”  “When I stop bingeing, I’ll be more confident and social.”  

If this is familiar, you may be too focused on your weight to define yourself, giving a number on the scale too much power over your happiness and confidence.   Overly investing in your physicality as the determining factor in self-acceptance makes it difficult to appreciate the other qualities that make you loveable and likeable.    

Think of a vivid memory from the past.   How did it impact you?  What have you learned about yourself since then?   How have you changed?  

Imagine your future. What would you like to happen in the next week, month, year, five years, or decade?  (not weight-related)

Now, think of today.  What do you appreciate about yourself, in the here and now?  What qualities are likeable?  Lovable?  Interesting?   Are you a good friend?  Talented?  Funny?  Tenacious?  Smart?  Compassionate? Spirited?  Helpful?  Adventurous?  Loving?  

These are the qualities that define you, not the number on the scale.

Remembering this is a present you can give to yourself daily.

What Do You Want To Lose?

Check out this episode!

Do you imagine that when you lose weight, life will be better?   Whether you want to lose 10, 20, 50, 100 pounds or more, you may have some ideas that are weighing you down.  

In this episode, Dr. Nina explores what the number on the scale means to you and how it impacts your self-esteem.  By gaining confidence, you'll feel better and develop a healthier, happier relationship to food.

Stay out of your head (and the fridge)

Check out this episode!

Are you trying to think away your emotions? 

Many people use logic to try to talk themselves out of their anger, sadness, fear, anxiety and/or guilt. Problem is, what you know intellectually doesn’t affect what you feel emotionally. 

This episode helps you stop thinking and start feeling, so you’re less likely to turn to food when you're upset.

Help for helplessness over food (and life)

Helplessness*

In the span of three months, Patti lost her father to cancer and her grandmother to heart disease.  Shortly after the funerals, her brother launched a legal battle to take over their father’s estate.  Patti began to binge and was completely out of control with food. She was helpless in the face of death, and powerless to stop her brother from trying to take over the estate.  Her solution was to use anger and productivity to distract herself from the intolerable state of helplessness. 

Corinne’s insurance company made it difficult for her to have access to her benefits.  As a result, she could not see the therapist of her choice, unless she paid out of pocket.  Her challenges to the insurance company were unsuccessful and she felt powerless.  Corinne began to restrict food, which was a way of expressing her deprivation in terms of her therapist, and also a way of coping with the helplessness she felt.

Helplessness is a feeling that most people cannot bear to experience, either on its own or because it intensifies other painful or upsetting feelings.  Helplessness is defined as:  1) unable to help oneself   2) weak or dependent

3) deprived of strength or power 4) incapacitated.   The state of helplessness is connected to vulnerability and dependency, both of which can be extremely uncomfortable.

Anger, productivity, withdrawal and/or denial are ways of distracting from the intolerable state of helplessness.

Anger:   Anger is an active emotion, whereas helplessness is a passive emotion.  Like Patti, you may get angry at yourself for your weight, or be upset with yourself for what you’re eating, or the amount, as a way of avoiding your sense of helplessness.

Productivity:  Being busy is another way of turning passive to active.  Focusing on achievements, productivity, and being a slave-driver to yourself are all strategies to distract from helplessness.   Thinking about food, weight, and calories are examples of focusing on “doing” rather than “feeling.”

Withdrawal:  Withdrawal is a way of denying helplessness. Anorexia is a withdrawal from food, from wants, from needs, and usually from people.

Denial:   If you tell yourself that what makes you feel helpless “isn’t a big deal” you may be denying your true feelings in order to minimize the reality of the situation.   This is a way of dismissing your feelings.

How do you feel helpless in your life?

If you weren’t feeling helpless over food, what would you feel helpless about?

If you weren’t focused on being powerful over food and hunger, what would you be focused on?

If you weren’t trying to control food, what would you be trying to control?

*My appreciation & thanks go to Dr. Axel Hoffer and Dr. Dan Buie for their inspiring paper “Helplessness and Our War Against Feeling It”

What NOT to Say

Check out this episode!

What NOT To Say:  Does someone you love and care about struggle with weight, food or body image issues?   Do you want to help but don't know how?  Dr. Nina explores what NOT to say, explaining what works and what doesn't work - and why.  She provides guidance on how to express concern without blaming or shaming, and gives tips on the most effective way to communicate. 

I created this podcast because so many people dealing with weight, food and body image issues have shared how their loved ones or friends try to help, but only make things worse. This episode is tells them what NOT to say, and also clarifies the best way to be helpful.  

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